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My Mrs's brothers arranged to bury her Dad with their Mum, rather than with his second wife and her first husband (which Mrs's Dad had actually suggested but was advised against)
Things are a bit pants, really. Powered through my to-do list, been doing a bit of exercise, coasting at work. There's just an epic hole been left by Sheena's passing and I've just been angry, sad, alone and apathetic towards most things. I just e-mailed Marie Curie to say I will attend at least one bereavement support group session starting in January. I might also attend a social event by a group called "widowed and young." Decided I wont keep getting in touch with "friends" - I need new and better friends who will actually put effort in to physically be there for me. Text on a phone screen isn't good enough when they only live a few miles away. Support from people on here and at work has been good.
Thank heavens for the girls, let me tell you. They are absolutely brilliant. I got them lots of Christmas presents and will try to take them to Disney Florida next year like Sheena wanted. I visit Sheena's grave often and have decorated it nicely for Christmas. I went down there one night and planted pansies, which she always liked. I also ordered a proper granite lantern so I can light a candle when I visit.
I've been very active regarding keeping the girls occupied and especially regarding Lisa's autism clubs. Haven't heard from the step-son (good...) and have been avoiding their dad. He "did the dirty" on Sheena by betraying her dying wish to appoint legal sub-guardians for Lisa, as he promised. I don't need people like that in my life. Places me in an awkward position, though.
Have had some invites for Christmas (it's the girls' dad's year for food, so they will be back 6pm) but according to Marie Curie nurses, the popular option for widowers this year is to spend it alone, to reflect. That's what I'm going to do, and I'll pay Sheena a wee visit.
It's not even been two months. Still raw. General apathy, tiredness and longing for that "complete" feeling I had with Sheena. I was incredibly lucky to have her - she was incredibly loving and caring, never let me down once, she was incredibly fit (!) and the intimate side was amazing, you name it. The best time of the day is first thing in the morning - sometimes I'm in a semi-lucid state and think she's still here until I properly wake up. That's the best part of the day. Well... spending time with the girls and giving them a cuddle goodnight is also heartwarming.
Best get back to work. Merry Christmas and all that!
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Anyway, the point of telling you this is that, when confronted, I found out he can't do "tough" situations (we'd never been tested like this before) and he is more of a prisoner of his mind than I ever was of my body. So, despite wanting to see me, he just couldn't. It wasn't that he didn't care.
Try not to be bitter and/or angry and work with the good things that surround you, no matter what they are and build from there - It won't be easy but try to be positive - Talk to who you can and take small steps whilst you are 'rebuilding' - I'm off to see my mum's grave now - Time does help but you'll never forget
@jonnyburgo - so many things I wish I could say to her now after the huge event is over. Still, lots of photos and videos to get through - still living in the past wishing it was today!
@TheBigDipper I totally get it, though I confronted them (!) and turns out a few of them really are just a bit lazy and thoughtless - just a different type of character to the one I "need."
@guitars4you have a "nice" trip (you know what I mean!) and thanks, as ever!
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Later they may be just what you need. Different people meet different needs for each other.
If you get circular thoughts go very quickly to a doctor. Don't Fall in to a condition that left untreated and without monatoring can become impossible to shake.
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Heartbreaking.
Stay strong through xmas Thomas.
Thoughts are definitely with them..
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You could try doing things for her - I'm sure she'd rather you found things to enjoy rather than be sad that she's gone.
Maybe take her with you, you must have hundreds of memories of things the two of you did together so take her memory along and see what she thinks of anything you happen to be doing.
You might want to keep any conversations between the two of you in your head otherwise people might worry, or have you sectioned but you can still have her there when ever you want.
I know that saying stuff like this is not necessarily helpful, and I know that when you're down it looks like you're never going to be free of the grief that you're suffering, but I'd rather offer a daft solution than do nothing and who knows, it might not be as daft an idea as it looks to me now.
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so sorry to hear of your loss, @thomasross20, may not know you in person but i just want you to know that this thread has been an eye-opener for me. as a young person with little experience, i have learnt through you what love really means.
For the new year, here's wishing you stay strong and amazing as you have been - her kids are fortunate to have you.
You may be young in years... but you have a very mature and well informed attitude.
I hope your friend's health scare turned out OK.