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I do love cracker jokes though..!
What did Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky!
Well, the blue light was my baby, and the red light was my mind.”
Robert Johnson
What's yellow, and leaps from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Haha
Frostbite!
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
Ever seen a goldfish bowl? To be honest I didn't even know they played cricket.
I bought four Kindles from Amazon last week but all they sent me was a 'Best Of The Two Ronnies' DVD.
My friend's Bakery burned down last night... Now his business is Toast.
I’ve just paid £50 for 8 legs of venison. Is that too dear ?
Just got home to find a package full of pygmies on my doorstep. Another Amazon mix up!
I rang the RSPCA earlier to tell them I'd just found 6 badgers in a suitcase by the road.
"Are they moving?" asked the operator.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but that would explain the suitcase...."
I tried to sue the dairy farmer when one of his cows trod on my foot, but he said I was milking it.
I won a garage door in a lottery - it was a roll over.
I went to the cemetery yesterday and noticed 4 grave diggers wandering about with a coffin. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! .....
Went to an Indian restaurant last night and had a pelican curry ?The food was excellent but the bill was enormous
Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest man ever to have lived.... He was 193 and was called Miles from Dublin
Went to a Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting last night. ..there were a lot of new faces
A farmer I know fed his chickens whiskey. He was hoping they’d lay scotch eggs
I was going to attend my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting today. But then I thought, ‘what’s the odds of that helping me’.
PC World – you’ve got to be careful what you say in there.
I got stung by a bee yesterday. Twenty quid for a jar of honey.
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
*I made this up (obviously) and read it out as if it was the printed joke. Much appreciated. (No kids around, honest!)
Jingle smells.
Many guitars have a re-sale value. Some you'll never want to sell.
Stockist of: Earvana & Graphtech nuts, Faber Tonepros & Gotoh hardware, Fatcat bridges. Highwood Saddles.
Pickups from BKP, Oil City & Monty's pickups.
Expert guitar repairs and upgrades - fretwork our speciality! www.felineguitars.com. Facebook too!
Had it have been Bono, I might have went cat.
(That's a cool hat and guitar though)..
I even googled it and others have had the same dud too...
Here's one of what I got that somebody who got this one year shared..
According to https://www.reddit.com/r/answers/comments/3v1mez/can_anyone_understand_and_explain_this_christmas/ / the internet; it's a misprint and should say 'Coffin medicine'..
I got it, read it - was like 'eh?'
So much so, I googled it.