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3 men die on Xmas eve. To get into Heaven,
St Peter says “you must have something on you that represents Xmas”.
The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says “It’s a candle”. St Peter lets him in.
Taffy takes his keys and shakes them and says “they’re Sleigh Bells”. St Peter lets him in.
Paddy pulls out a G string and a Bra. St Peter says “How do those represent Xmas”! Paddy says………... They’re Carols”.
Your life will improve when you realise it’s better to be alone than chase people who do not really care about you. Saying YES to happiness means learning to say NO to things and people that stress you out.
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Comments
That's also terrible. Satan getting mail redirected from Lapland? I don't think so,
Can't we have nice jokes about poor men gathering winter fuel and suchlike?
Humbug!
Here's a good one.
"Thanks for the electric guitar you gave me for Christmas," little Tommy said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."
"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "Me ma gives me a pound a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me a fiver a week not to play it at night."
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
An old Donegal gentleman is staggering along the pavement at 1a.m. on Christmas Eve when he's spotted by the Gardai
Police Offer " So where would you be going at this time of the evening Sir ?"
Old Man " Well , ...I'm on my way to a Lecture, Officer "
Police Officer " Are you now......and what's it about ?"
Old man " The evils of drinking, smoking and staying out "
Police Officer " I see , and who's giving this lecture then ?"
old man " That'll be the wife ! "
Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.