Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In with Google

Become a Subscriber!

Subscribe to our Patreon, and get image uploads with no ads on the site!

Read more...

Do you have loads of friends?

What's Hot
245

Comments

  • RaymondLinRaymondLin Frets: 11807
    I immigrated here at 10 and pretty much had to start making friends again from scratch. Learn early on that life is all different chapters so I am used to losing touch with old friends and making new ones.  That said I am still in touch with the friends I made when I first got here at 10, and we catch up every few weeks/months too.  The ones in university, a couple I still do, most don’t.   I’ve made more friends since working and some online through forums.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • robgilmorobgilmo Frets: 3355
    I work for a living.
    A Deuce , a Tele and a cup of tea.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • @monquixote I am the same, but younger and no kids. Confident at work, but I find socialising extraordinarily exhausting - I enjoy it, mostly, but prefer small groups.

    I'm fairly popular at work (as much as directorate/admin staff can be, anyway) but I think I could probably count the number of friends I have on one hand. 

    I don't mind, either. I get on well with most people, and am pretty laid back. I just find socialising sucks away my energy, and the first thing I want to do afterwards is play guitar or read for a couple of hours to "reset". 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • underdogunderdog Frets: 8334
    No friends from school days, no friends from old jobs, my current job is my own business with only 4 people working there (including me and my wife) so slim on real friends to be honest.

    I have lots of people to go for a drink with, from all walks of life, but maybe 4 or 5 people of consider real friends. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • earwighoneyearwighoney Frets: 3489
    Philly_Q said:

    one I've been to all of her weddings, and she's just split up with husband number three!  But no-one I really see or talk to regularly - a few times a year at most. 
    I hope you enjoy your friend's next wedding, and for her husband no.4 is the one.

    ***
    I used to have a lot more friends in my early 20's, but around 15 years later of having quite a few issues with mental health I've found it increasingly more difficult to be social and consequently I seem to only have a few friends I speak to/see on a regular basis.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • I would add, I get a lot out of this forum in terms of friendly chats. Perhaps I have friends who don't know it... I'm such a creep. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • strtdvstrtdv Frets: 2356
    I'm friendly with lots of people but am really good friends with about 5 or 6 people (married to one of those).
    I'm perfectly happy in my own company though
    Robot Lords of Tokyo, SMILE TASTE KITTENS!
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • SPECTRUM001SPECTRUM001 Frets: 1553
    Very interesting discussion - thanks for posting it !

    I have always felt like an outsider, though managed to maintain friendships both inside and outside of work. I was never very good at the pub, and really struggled with the partying when I was in a band - that said I got by (just).

    Getting married in 1994 really helped my confidence, primarily as I was no longer worried about my social life, which ironically; improved as I wasn’t worried about it.

    I reckon I make more effort than my ‘friends’ do, but that is ok.

    Totally agree about old friends that you do not see for years, but are so comfortable that it feels like no time at all.

    to be honest, I am not sure I have the energy for much - and I don’t even have children !!!
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • RandallFlaggRandallFlagg Frets: 13929
    edited August 2020
    I've got loads of friends in the P&E section


    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • bodhibodhi Frets: 1334
    I have a handful of friends from our school days who got back in touch via Whatsapp.  Some of them I haven't seen for 36 years, but it feels like the bond is still there.  There are only about 4 people I'd call close friends since then - the kind you'd feel comfortable asking for help if you needed any.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • rustneversleepsrustneversleeps Frets: 197
    edited August 2020
    I tend to believe it’s an age thing.Iam knocking on a bit (not in the departure lounge yet)as you get older friends seem to disappear for whatever reason.I bumped into some old friends  this year at a funeral and once the hello’s how you doing etc was done there wasn’t much conversation really.I’am happy enough.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • munckeemunckee Frets: 12255
    My best two mates are the people I sat next to on the first day of infant school in1979. I have a wider group of close friends maybe 8 who I could call for a night out or in a crisis. 

    Then large group of acquaintances who I really like but don’t see that regularly. 

    I am pretty much self sufficient generally and don’t crave company but it’s always nice to see them. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • westfordwestford Frets: 553
    Few close friends, plenty of acquaintances. I’m ok with that and enjoy my own company anyway.

    Last year I met up with my best friend from school, haven’t seen each other in nearly 15 years and was a little worried it would be awkward, but not at all. Also caught up with a couple of people I originally met online - haven’t seen one in real life for 5 years, the other about 10 years, and again it was like we’d only seen each other the week before (except for added grey hair, etc).

    Some of my Facebook ‘friends’ are in friendship groups that seem to involve joint holidays and endless parties and barbecues at each other’s homes with all their partners and kids (well, not so much this year). I honestly don’t think I could be bothered.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • RolandRoland Frets: 8590
    Hopefully someone with sociology knowledge will chime in. The studies I‘ve read say said that an average person has rings of people around them. 4 or 5 close friends, 16 to 25 other friends, 90 to 125 people we know reasonably well. It’s based on the level of knowledge that you need to support each friendship level, and how many people the brain can cope with at each level.
    Tree recycler, and guitarist with  https://www.undercoversband.com/.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • monquixotemonquixote Frets: 17485
    tFB Trader
    Roland said:
    Hopefully someone with sociology knowledge will chime in. The studies I‘ve read say said that an average person has rings of people around them. 4 or 5 close friends, 16 to 25 other friends, 90 to 125 people we know reasonably well. It’s based on the level of knowledge that you need to support each friendship level, and how many people the brain can cope with at each level.

    I'm more like zero close friends and four to five other friends!
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • DominicDominic Frets: 16010
    I have many acquaintances but only a handful of very close friends .
    Some people delude themselves that they have lots of friends only to be disappointed in people.
    I know one chap who genuinely calls everybody his friend not realising that I know quite a few of them and none are very fond of him at all !
     I have one particular group of friends (5 others ) ;we all went to Prep school together boarding from age 8  then on to school but in different houses ;some of us were at Oxford together and 2 others at Harvard together ( they are Canadian originally )
    We all live in London or Hertfordshireand are just turning 59 .
     We meet for dinner every couple of months and all ski together every year .One chap has a nice boat in and we all do a couple of summer days with him as his guests .
    These friendships go back a very long way ..... we holidayed together as kids in Salcombe and skied together in winter as kids -we can all remember the names of each other's dogs from childhood or the time when one got caned at school , caught driving a parent's car , etc etc.
     We have all been to each other's parents funerals ,weddings, divorce parties etc and children's weddings.
    One now has Parkinson's (although he's still a fantastic skier ) and another has Prostate Cancer .......the lucky one has just swapped the wife for a rather lovely 38 year old !
    0reaction image LOL 1reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • TTBZTTBZ Frets: 2873
    edited August 2020
    Used to be really close with all my friends (big group, probably about 20 total), we've all known each other from school. When I had my own place in my 20s we'd see each other in various combinations of the big group pretty much every night with the few closest being the regulars. When the kids came along that dropped off pretty dramatically and then we moved away closer to my wife's family, so I hardly see them at all now. 

    I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people I don't see regularly but there are still a few who I chat to regularly through WhatsApp etc and will meet up when there's a big gathering. Its just hard to have a night out etc with them when I live 40 mins away which means staying sober or having an expensive taxi ride to my dad's nearby. I do miss them but also don't have much in common with a lot of them any more, it's only those into music and biking who I keep touch with.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • CHRISB50CHRISB50 Frets: 4287
    I still spend most of my time socialising with friends from (high) school.

    There are 4 of us who still see each other on an almost weekly basis. There’s a wider group of another 6 or so who I see a few times a year, but they are still all old school friends. 

    I regret losing contact with a few people from the past. Some friends from college and a guy I used to work with, but life goes on. 

    I can't help about the shape I'm in, I can't sing I ain't pretty and my legs are thin

    But don't ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • riverciderrivercider Frets: 461
    Zero friends now and for most of the last 30 years or so, by choice really.  My wife is 100% my best friend and soul mate, but before I met her I had about fifteen pretty close friends through secondary school and then college.

    Personality wise I was the class clown at school and acted the extrovert despite being possibly more on the introverted side of things inside.  Was in the kind of 'cool' gang as a result.

    After I met her (we were both 18) we drifted away from our respective school mates as they went to uni / jobs / moved away etc and we spent all our time together, bought a house and moved a few miles away.

    Had a couple of good mates in my twenties but to be honest it just caused marital grief at times (drinking buddies!) and I tired of it.

    I'm socially confident at work (although my job is about to go so that could change) and a good communicator in all other ways, apparently. 

    I've just never wanted to spend my valuable life time with anyone other than my wife and (now adult) kids.  I used to wonder if this was abnormal and I do also suspect it's not entirely healthy for personal growth, but over the years I've accepted it and no longer pressure myself to be more 'normal' and accumulate friends. This thread reinforces my viewpoint, in fact, but others would doubtless find fault with that.




    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16253
    Roland said:
    Hopefully someone with sociology knowledge will chime in. The studies I‘ve read say said that an average person has rings of people around them. 4 or 5 close friends, 16 to 25 other friends, 90 to 125 people we know reasonably well. It’s based on the level of knowledge that you need to support each friendship level, and how many people the brain can cope with at each level.
    I think I missed that day on my sociology degree! Although, thinking about it, there were a lot of days that I missed...

    I suspect that kind of thing varies hugely by age and by circumstance. Those figures might hold up when you are 25 but probably don’t when you are 75. 
    The anecdotal evidence on here probably also suggests that people in long term relationships also reduce their number of close friends - a lot of people will also lose the friends that they do have if that relationship ends because people knew them as part of a couple. 
    I think you would also have to look at what constitutes ‘a friend’ - a friendship to one person might be an acquaintanceship to the other person. 
    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
Sign In or Register to comment.