›

Friday humour

What's Hot
1…293294296298299…542

Comments

  • rogdrogd Frets: 1513
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    Neither did she!
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28285
    3reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6673
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    feedback here
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • TheMarlinTheMarlin Frets: 7818
    4reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    16reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • the_jaffathe_jaffa Frets: 1791
    merlin said:
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    I presume it is an expectation vs reality thing but I'm struggling to get the joke I think
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • chillidoggychillidoggy Frets: 17136
    the_jaffa said:
    merlin said:
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    I presume it is an expectation vs reality thing but I'm struggling to get the joke I think
    Check out the background.


    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614
    edited March 2021
    the_jaffa said:
    merlin said:
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    I presume it is an expectation vs reality thing but I'm struggling to get the joke I think
    Ah, right, a bit too obvious for my clearly overworked and under-average brain to fathom.

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6673
    the_jaffa said:
    merlin said:
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    I presume it is an expectation vs reality thing but I'm struggling to get the joke I think
    It was two pictures taken from an item (the trousers) in a Facebook market place sale, apparently. 
    feedback here
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614
    chillidoggy said:
    the_jaffa said:
    merlin said:
    Haych said:
    merlin said:


    Don't get it? 
    The model wearing the faux-leather sexy trousers, and the purchaser wearing the same faux-leather sexy trousers. 
    I presume it is an expectation vs reality thing but I'm struggling to get the joke I think
    Check out the background.
    I've been scouring the background for hours, I'm slightly jealous she's had Dominos Pizza but other than that can't see anything of note.  She's a bit of a messy cow, though.  Those flowers should have been chucked out ages ago, too.

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • SlopeSoarerSlopeSoarer Frets: 823
    Some Tim Vine one liners, they always make me chuckle...

    “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”

    “I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.”

    “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

    “I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”

    “I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”

    “The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”

    “I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”

    “I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'”

    “I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”

    “This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'”

    “I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'”

    “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

    “I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

    “I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.'”

    “I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

    “I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.”

    “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.”

    “I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.”

    “I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”

    “I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.”

    “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”

    “I once did a gig in a zoo. I got babooned off.”

    “Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?'”

    “I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.'”

    “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

    “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”

    "Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?'”

    “Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.”

    “I was reading a book – ‘The History of Glue’ – I couldn’t put it down.”

    “I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are.'”

    “Exit signs? They’re on the way out!”

    “Velcro? What a rip-off!”

    “I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'”

    “I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.”

    “I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’ He said, ‘You’ve got cholera.'”

    “I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P-something T-something R…”

    “I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’

    “A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”

    “I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up!'”

    “This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?'”
    5reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • TheOtherDennisTheOtherDennis Frets: 2010
    I absolutely love Tim Vine. Him, Milton Jones and Gary Delaney crack me up every time.
    If you must have sex with a frog, wear a condom. If you want the frog to have fun, rib it.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614
    A couple of those are Tommy Cooper jokes, but agree they are great.  Milton Jones is freaking hilarious!

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 2reaction image Wisdom
  • TheOtherDennisTheOtherDennis Frets: 2010
    edited March 2021
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    If you must have sex with a frog, wear a condom. If you want the frog to have fun, rib it.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • droflufdrofluf Frets: 3676
    Haych said:
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?
    Only the funniest thing ever. :)
    Trading feedback thread:https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/172761/drofluf
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • goldtopgoldtop Frets: 6143
    drofluf said:
    Haych said:
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?
    Only the funniest thing ever. :)
    Was it 'The German Joke' from Monty Python?
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • HaychHaych Frets: 5614
    drofluf said:
    Haych said:
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?
    Only the funniest thing ever. :)
    Dang-it!

    There is no 'H' in Aych, you know that don't you? ~ Wife

    Turns out there is an H in Haych! ~ Sporky

    Bit of trading feedback here.

    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • droflufdrofluf Frets: 3676
    goldtop said:
    drofluf said:
    Haych said:
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?
    Only the funniest thing ever. :)
    Was it 'The German Joke' from Monty Python?
    Way funnier ;)
    Trading feedback thread:https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/172761/drofluf
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • TheOtherDennisTheOtherDennis Frets: 2010
    Haych said:
    TheOtherDennis said:
    EDIT: deleted in case I accidentally start another shitstorm without meaning to. Apologies.
    Aww, what'd I miss?
    I just thought what I said might have kicked off without me meaning to have started something, like my ISIHAAC/Lionel Blair comments a few pages back, and I couldn't be arsed. I wasn't having a pop at you, honest.
    If you must have sex with a frog, wear a condom. If you want the frog to have fun, rib it.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
Sign In or Register to comment.