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Librarian says "excuse me sir but this is a library"
Guy whispers "ooh sorry, can I have aome fish and chips please?"
Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
Police are advising motorists to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.
"Thanks guys .. I've been trapped for 10,000 years" said the Genie. "I can give you three wishes and as there's three of you I make that one each".
The first guy says "I want to be a Brazilian billionaire" .. the Genie waves an arm and sends the guy to Brazil with a billion pounds.
The second guy says "I want to be a French billionaire" .. the Genie waves an arm and sends the guy to France with a billion pounds.
The boss thinks for a minute and says "Make sure those two are back here in the office after their lunch break" ..
Accountants don't do fun ....
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Football is rubbish.
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Football is rubbish.
Big Issue, mate?
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing"?
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.
Drummers... Pick your favourite and cut/paste.
Two, one to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis . . . . I mean ladder!
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"All right," said the patient. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
An English couple have a child. After the birth, medical tests reveal that the child is normal, apart from the fact that it is German. This, however, should not be a problem. There is nothing to worry about. As the child grows older, it dresses in lederhosen and has a pudding bowl haircut, but all its basic functions develop normally. It can walk, eat, sleep, read and so on, but for some reason the German child never speaks.
The concerned parents take it to the doctor, who reassures them that as the German child is perfectly developed in all other areas, there is nothing to worry about and that he is sure the speech faculty will eventually blossom. Years pass. The German child enters its teens, and still it is not speaking, though in all other respects it is fully functional. The German child’s mother is especially distressed by this, but attempts to conceal her sadness.
One day she makes the German child, who is now 17 years old and still silent, a bowl of tomato soup, and takes it through to him in the parlour where he is listening to a wind-up gramophone record player. Soon, the German child appears in the kitchen and suddenly declares, “Mother. This soup is a little tepid.” The German child’s mother is astonished. “All these years,” she exclaims, “we assumed you could not speak. And yet all along it appears you could. Why? Why did you never say anything before?” “Because, mother,” answers the German child, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
A year passes.
After this time, the Welsh men have formed a choir; the Scots men have founded a distillery; the Irish guys are on the beach fighting, and the English men are waiting to be introduced.
It was a shihtzu.