Geekiest joke possible.

Fretwired

Sporky said:

Three people walk into a pub.

The barman says "Would you all like a beer?"
The first one says "I don't know".
The second one says "I don't know".
The third one, after a moment's pause, says "Yes".

The barman pulls three pints and says under his breath "Bloody logicians."

:-)

I like that one .... pinched

Lewy

Q. What did Watson and Crick discover?
A. Rosalind Franklin's notebook. 

Sporky

An economist, an engineer, and a logician are on a train heading West. As they cross the border into Wales they look out of the window and see a black sheep in a field.

• The economist looks out of the window and says "Look! Welsh sheep are black!"
• The engineer says, "No, no. Some Welsh sheep are black."
• The logician replies "There is at least one field in Wales, containing at least one sheep, of which at least one side is black."

the_jaffa

Two cats on a tin roof; which one slides off first?

The one with the lowest µ

Panama_Jack666

http://i.imgur.com/3NBFsln.jpg

Ravenous

Panama_Jack666 said:

http://i.imgur.com/3NBFsln.jpg

+wisdom for getting Dennis Ritchie into a guitar forum!

Ravenous

A Chemist, a Physicist, a Mathematician and a Humanities Student are challenged to measure the height of the village church's tower.

They are each issued with... a barometer.

The Chemist knows a lot about air pressure, so he measures the air pressure at the base of the tower, climbs on the roof and measures it at the top, and gets the height between 50-200 feet.

The Physicist is used to being casual with gear, so he climbs to the top, throws the barometer over the side, measures the time for the fall, and gets the height between 80-130 feet.

The Mathematician puts the barometer on the grass beside the tower, measures the length of the barometer's little shadow, measures the length of the tower's much bigger shadow, does the equal triangles thing and improves the estimate to between 90-110 feet.

The Humanities Student sneaks down the Pawnshop, sells the barometer, takes the vicar down the pub and plies him with stiff drinks until he caves in and reveals the tower is 100 feet tall exactly...

(Very old joke - "Humanities Student" might be something else these days!)

monquixote

I used to have a problem, but I solved it with Java

Now I have an AbstractProblemFactory. 

jellyroll

Farmer wants to know how many sheep he has.

So he calls in the auditor who takes a quick look round and pronounces "you have 20,007."

"Wow! How'd you count them so quickly?" asks the farmer.

Pointing at the sheep, the auditor starts to count "1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7........and there's about 20,000 over there"

aord43

jellyroll said:

Farmer wants to know how many sheep he has.

So he calls in the auditor who takes a quick look round and pronounces "you have 20,007."

"Wow! How'd you count them so quickly?" asks the farmer.

Pointing at the sheep, the auditor starts to count "1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7........and there's about 20,000 over there"

there's many a true word spoken in jest!

jellyroll

aord43 said:

jellyroll said:

Farmer wants to know how many sheep he has.

So he calls in the auditor who takes a quick look round and pronounces "you have 20,007."

"Wow! How'd you count them so quickly?" asks the farmer.

Pointing at the sheep, the auditor starts to count "1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7........and there's about 20,000 over there"

there's many a true word spoken in jest!

That's kinda the joke

axisus

Buddist monk at a hotdog stand: "Make me one with everything"

HAL9000

Ranch owner: Can you round up 197 cattle for me?

Cowboy: Sure boss, that'll be 200.

scrumhalf

An engineer, a chemist and an ecenomist survive a shipwreck and end up on a desert island. Washed up next to them is a can of beans. They're starving, but have no tools with which to open the can.

"Well," says the chemist, "if we leave the can buried n sand where the tide comes in the salt from the sea should corrode the metal and we can then open the lid of the can easily."

They try it. It doesn't work. They're still hungry, sitting under a tree and staring at the can of beans.

"I know, "says the physicist, "if we examine the structure of the can we can find its weakest spot and whack it with a really big branch from this tree."

They try it. It doesn't work. They're even hungrier. The chemist and the erngineer turn to the economist. "Your turn."

"simple," saye the economist, "let's assume we have a tin opener."

TTony

scrumhalf said:

An engineer, a chemist and an ecenomist survive a shipwreck and end up on a desert island. Washed up next to them is a can of beans. They're starving, but have no tools with which to open the can.

"Well," says the chemist, "if we leave the can buried n sand where the tide comes in the salt from the sea should corrode the metal and we can then open the lid of the can easily."

They try it. It doesn't work. They're still hungry, sitting under a tree and staring at the can of beans.

"I know, "says the physicist, "if we examine the structure of the can we can find its weakest spot and whack it with a really big branch from this tree."

They try it. It doesn't work. They're even hungrier. The chemist and the erngineer turn to the economist. "Your turn."

"simple," saye the economist, "let's assume we have a tin opener."

I remember that one from BA (Hons) Econ days.

1984.

bacchanalian

http://i.imgur.com/PYZVl6u.jpg

This is a Demetri Martin joke. He does lots of this sort of stuff.  Well worth checking out if you are not familiar 

Sporky

axisus said:

Buddist monk at a hotdog stand: "Make me one with everything"

The hotdog stand operator hands it over. The monk says "Where is my change?", so the operator replies "Change must come from within".

stratman3142

http://i.imgur.com/wOwyfp3.png

Guitar_Slinger

A Frenchman, a Scotsman and a Sri Lankan medical student walked into a bar.

The Frenchman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have some wine."

The Scotsman says "I'm so thirsty, I must have a wee dram.  With a lager chaser."

The medical student says "I'm so thirsty, I must have diabetes."

HAL9000

stratman3142 said:

http://i.imgur.com/wOwyfp3.png

Sorry. Too clever by e^iπ/(cos(π)-sin(π/2)).