Anyone else get fed up / frustrated with their band(s)?

chillidoggy

FarleyUK said:

Funkfingers said:

Too many chiefs. Not enough Indians. Also, not enough bread in life's sandwich.

I've got a wheat allergy, so that would explain that

I always knew you were a rusk man, given the user name.

Funkfingers

FarleyUK said:

Funkfingers said:

not enough bread in life's sandwich.

I've got a wheat allergy, so that would explain that

In that case, just eat the filling and bark at the moon.

digitalscream

Anyone else get fed up / frustrated with their band(s)?

Every day, and usually twice on rehearsal and gig days.

I'm currently experimenting with not being That Guy who organises everything for everyone else. Thus far, all it's resulted in is my blood pressure heading north while - thanks to my self-imposed restrictions - being generally unable to vent about the total lack of anything resembling organisation.

I'm aware this may say more about me than it does about them, but life was so much easier in my previous band where everybody basically did what I told them to

Bridgehouse

digitalscream said:

Anyone else get fed up / frustrated with their band(s)?

Every day, and usually twice on rehearsal and gig days.

I'm currently experimenting with not being That Guy who organises everything for everyone else. Thus far, all it's resulted in is my blood pressure heading north while - thanks to my self-imposed restrictions - being generally unable to vent about the total lack of anything resembling organisation.

I'm aware this may say more about me than it does about them, but life was so much easier in my previous band where everybody basically did what I told them to

Have you considered going solo?

hubobulous

chillidoggy said:

Our previous drummer but one was a pain, everything was either black or white, and nothing in between. He'd made his mind up he wasn't prepared to gig more than once a month, and it didn't matter if we had none for two months, and then two in one month, he still wasn't about to do it.

Couple that with his complete reluctance to commit, for example we'd get offered a gig in say five month's time, and he'd say it was too far ahead for him to decide whether he wanted to do it. This would have been fine if he'd actually got us any gigs, but he never made any effort in that direction.

As expected, it came to a head, and we had a talk with him about it. He was totally unrepentant, and we carried on for a while before he told us he was quitting to join a punk rock band.

As it turned out, the particular band he'd joined was led by the guitarist, who was a total gig-slut, and he ended up doing two or three gigs a month, minimum. Seriously, you couldn't make it up. 

Reminds me of relationships. You get with a girl, wish they were a little bit more 'this' or 'that', eventually split up only to find that all those things you wished they'd do, they display in abundance with the new boyfriend. Its just that you weren't right together and it takes chemistry and dynamics to have people behave the way that they do.

chillidoggy

hubobulous said:

chillidoggy said:

Our previous drummer but one was a pain, everything was either black or white, and nothing in between. He'd made his mind up he wasn't prepared to gig more than once a month, and it didn't matter if we had none for two months, and then two in one month, he still wasn't about to do it.

Couple that with his complete reluctance to commit, for example we'd get offered a gig in say five month's time, and he'd say it was too far ahead for him to decide whether he wanted to do it. This would have been fine if he'd actually got us any gigs, but he never made any effort in that direction.

As expected, it came to a head, and we had a talk with him about it. He was totally unrepentant, and we carried on for a while before he told us he was quitting to join a punk rock band.

As it turned out, the particular band he'd joined was led by the guitarist, who was a total gig-slut, and he ended up doing two or three gigs a month, minimum. Seriously, you couldn't make it up. 

Reminds me of relationships. You get with a girl, wish they were a little bit more 'this' or 'that', eventually split up only to find that all those things you wished they'd do, they display in abundance with the new boyfriend. Its just that you weren't right together and it takes chemistry and dynamics to have people behave the way that they do.

True!

 The drummer pitched up to our gig last week, totally smashed, but vaguely coherent. He told me he was busy 'knocking the youngsters in the new band into shape', he's playing the songs how he wants to play them, fuck them if they don't like it, and if they think he's doing any more than a gig a month, they can go fuck themselves.

So, another recipe for success, then!

Emp_Fab

It's a shame everyone is so far apart geographically, we could make the world's greatest band if all the proactive ones here joined forces!  Kind of like the A or C ark in HHGTTG!

slacker

Emp_Fab said:

It's a shame everyone is so far apart geographically, we could make the world's greatest band if all the proactive ones here joined forces!  Kind of like the A or C ark in HHGTTG!

I agree with the logic behind this but I think there would be a lot of arguing. 

I was in a rehearsal only jam band for about 7 yrs. We would me 4 times a year, play for 4 hours, drink for 6 and generally have a laugh. What killed it was that one person started to get gigs in another band and was always too busy, this coincided with reinventing ourselves as a band. Every time we would get near gigging ready, we wouldnt meet for 4 months and start again. So 3 gigs in 4 yrs killed a band that was designed not to gig. We are all still great friends and still drink together. 

Having done the audition thing a number of times it's easier making music with friends. However there have been some misses for me. I've had a fire a number of people, one is still a close friend. 

I've also been booted from a band because I was frustrated with the level of musicianship and commitment and the simple maths result was that if she booted the incompetents there would be no band. 

What I've done this time is to have a full time drummer, sing and play guitar myself and use dep bassists. That the plan if I can get off my arse. Decision making is all me. Rehearsals at my house within walking distance of the drummer. We rehearse as a duo and sort out the songs. He knows which days I am free and the system is that he texts me which day he is coming over. Song choice is easy, we try stuff and keep what works. His Dad is first call bass I taught him is 80 something and is a mate and has access to a rehearsal room Other bassist is a close friend and will fit in if needed. Number 3 doesnt know it yet. 

Even then it's difficult. 

fretmeister

Despite all of the above, I really miss being in a band.

 

Bellycaster

EricTheWeary said:

Every band has a dickhead.

This is very true, but what makes it even worse is that the "Dickhead" can be the guy who works the hardest among a group of plodders.

"Fuck sake, that Dickhead is always nagging us"

Or, the "Dickhead" can be the one who is lazy and unreliable.

"Fuck sake, that Dickhead never learns his parts on time, fucking late again too"

Oh, the joy. I know which one I am though (See Bowie Band thread, Lolz)

Lestratcaster

The good times definitely outweigh the shitty stuff we all go through in bands, the politics and dictatorship are the things I hated, lack of activity and sheer laziness are ones too. Usually I've been in 5 piece bands and its very hard to keep 5 strong personalities in check. Can definitely understand why you'd want to do guitar/vocals and just have a drummer to work with, and using a dep/session bassist. Less issues with commitment and politics.

Flanging_Fred

I love my band mates. For very different reasons, they're all awesome. Non of us are fantastic musicians but as a band I think we're greater than the sum of the parts.

We don't have very lofty ambitions but I love playing with them. I'm so lucky and thankful that a mutual musician got us together.

 This doesn't make for dramatic forum posts but felt the need to rebalance the doom and gloom in this thread.

TTBZ

Yeah I'm probably going to call it a day soon. Shame as it's my first original band that has actually materialised and got to the stage where we've got a couple of songs recorded. Our first singer messed us around loads, ultimately leaving us after a few months. Then we found an awesome new singer which gave the whole thing a new lease of life, who then went off the rails a bit but has since returned. Its not the same any more though, think momentum has been lost for too long.

In the meantime I've had a baby which has slowed things down massively for me and tbh most of the time now I can't justify spending whole evenings or afternoons away from family time for band practice. And I dont always enjoy practice either as like someone else said, I wrote most of the songs so from a musical point of view I know how I want them to be played. Sometimes the drummer just doesn't get the groove right for them at all and our musical tastes aren't really as similar as I first thought. Personality wise we dont always click either, still sometimes have awkward silences between songs which has never been the case in past bands.

I think I just like the idea of being in a band, the reality is it's a pain in the arse to organise everyone for practice etc - this is my first time being band leader and I'm not sure it's for me!

ESBlonde

slacker said:

Emp_Fab said:

It's a shame everyone is so far apart geographically, we could make the world's greatest band if all the proactive ones here joined forces!  Kind of like the A or C ark in HHGTTG!

I agree with the logic behind this but I think there would be a lot of arguing.

No there wouldn't!

gusman2x

100%

I've been deliberating for the past couple of months sacking it off. But we've written a couple of really good songs in the last month, and the music (IMO) is really good. But the lack of commitment drives me fucking nuts. Repeatedly missed rehearsals, ignoring of written communication etc. People really are just shit.

Funnily enough though, I do genuinely consider myself to be the "adult" or "grafter" (although this is improving). And everyone on here says the same thing. So some of us are either delusional, or the lazy twats amongst us are keeping their traps shut. 

So go one then, hands up who's a lazy bandmate? 

antonyiv

Oh, man.

I play with a couple of guys - a drummer, another guitarist and guitarist/bassist/drummer/singer/I wanna do everything type of guy. 

Let me give you a perspective - I have a serious job, freelance projects from time to time and a pair of newborn twins. With all that being said, I'm the one that has to constantly push the others. I book the studio, I organize the rehearsals, I coordinate everything. People should just come and play. 

The other guitarist is constantly unavailable.  Last couple of times he didn't came because of "urgent issues".... One of the issues is his wife. I think he finally gave up and he doesn't want trouble at home but he doesn't have the balls to quit the band officially. 
The drummer travels somewhere every weekend. He stopped practicing regularly.  I haven't seen him in months. I tried to plan rehearsals one month ahead - no result. 
The do it all guy is actually a colleague  of mine and we jam at the office sometimes. He had some stuff at the university and at some point started looking for another band. He couldn't find one and constantly complains how much he wants to play with us and never comes to rehearsals. 

Last two times I was the only guy at the studio.  

I feel I have to push all the time and organize those guys as they are children. What's driving me crazy is that we are a good fit together and we can write decent music. I know we can write 7-8 songs in a couple of months. But there are always some obstacles and all the time something happens.  

Another issue is that where I live, 80% of the bands are some sort of metal. That doesn't work for me. It seems impossible to find some blues-jazz-rock guys at my age (around 33) who are responsible and serious about music. 

digitalscream

antonyiv said:

Let me give you a perspective - I have a serious job, freelance projects from time to time and a pair of newborn twins. With all that being said, I'm the one that has to constantly push the others. I book the studio, I organize the rehearsals, I coordinate everything. People should just come and play. 

Yep - for a long time in bands, I was the only one who could tick all of these boxes:

- Married
- Job requiring long hours
- Have child

In fact, for a decent amount of time, I was the only one ticking any of those boxes. Yet, somehow, I was the only one who could actually say "yes, I can make that" to everything...because, within reason, I was happy to reschedule things to make sure the band had a fighting chance. I suspect a lot of the problems occur because most people absolutely aren't willing to do that; the band is something that's OK, as long as it doesn't get in the way of anything.

Case in point: a guy (who shall remain nameless) in my last band booked two weeks out of the band calendar, such that we had to say no to a gig and cancel rehearsals. Why? His wife-to-be wanted him to go to IKEA.

I shit you not.

What followed was then two weeks of unavailability because he had to build stuff (which took a couple of nights...and we all saw the completed furniture as soon as it was done, because she was posting it all over Facebook). When we queried this, we got an earful about how his wife/dog/etc will always take priority over the band, it's not a job etc etc.

antonyiv said:

I feel I have to push all the time and organize those guys as they are children.

Yep, that's pretty much how it's been in all my bands. Despite objectively being the busiest person in the band, it's always fallen to me to do the organisation. My brother happens to be in my current band, which also makes me the second-busiest person because he has two small children...and yet we're both the ones who pretty much have to do it all.

It's not that the other guys expect it, it's just that if we don't then it never gets done.

antonyiv

digitalscream said:

Case in point: a guy (who shall remain nameless) in my last band booked two weeks out of the band calendar, such that we had to say no to a gig and cancel rehearsals. Why? His wife-to-be wanted him to go to IKEA.

I shit you not.

My favorite reason for last minute cancellation was "We have to prepare for our vacation next week".  

Digitalcream, I saw your post...and for a minute I thought that I wrote it. 

In order to tick the checkboxes (children, wife, work and music) I had to sacrifice: 

- Friendships (a lot, by the way)
- TV shows and movies, cinema, going out in general
- Time with other members of my family - mother and grandmother 

Not to mention how many fights I had with my wife because I chose to play music instead of spending time with her. 

People just don't want to sacrifice and that's the problem. It's easier to cancel or quit something, instead of force yourself.

digitalscream

antonyiv said:

Not to mention how many fights I had with my wife because I chose to play music instead of spending time with her. 

I used to get that quite a bit - the usual "Why are you spending so much time on this band when it never goes anywhere?". When I did what she suggested and quit, it was no more than a month before I got, "Why can't you just join a band? You're a miserable bastard when you haven't got anything to do..."

Never had a complaint since

guitarfishbay

In fairness our drummer cancelled on us a while ago because he'd left for work in the morning answering his fiance's question "what are you up to tonight" with "band practice".

Turns out it was his then fiance (now wife's) birthday and he'd forgotten completely...  I thought fair enough, guy is otherwise reliable and just hoped he made it through the night without being murdered.

It's the singer that has some kind of alarm clock issue.  For logistical reasons we (mostly me and him) sometimes do early morning starts for writing or recording, but 9am does not exist unless he's getting paid apparently.  Ironically the first day I told him we'd do 10am instead he had a head on car crash and then couldn't do anything for 2 weeks anyway due to back and neck pain.  If he'd got up earlier the woman who drove into him wouldn't have had a chance to hit him... at least he's ok and recovered now to see the irony in that.