do you love it or hate it when you hear your neighbours making the beast with two backs?

guitarfishbay

Excellent trolling 

Jonathangus

Bridgehouse

I reckon @vale covers the ears of that beloved violin bass when the neighbourly humpage starts (to protect the innocent)

axisus

Anyone else think that Massive Cock Wallet is a great insult?

Bridgehouse

axisus said:

Anyone else think that Massive Cock Wallet is a great insult?

Everyone likes a nice leather based receptacle to keep your chap in, no?

Dominic

Years ago I was in an illicit affair with a married woman.........the sex was very good and quite kinky .....She was able to express fantasies that she had always hidden from her very " pedestrian " husband and they were quite wild. 
She stayed over one night when she was supposed to be on a conference trip and must have phoned hubby to say all was well at some point before bedtime...........only she didn't disconnect properly and unwittingly left her handset on the bedside table " live".............sure enough her husband was in no doubt about what she was into 2 hours later !!!!!!!
  I'm glad I wasn't her when she got home ;Apparently he heard everything .
They divorced.

vale

Emp_Fab said:

The only time I've suffered because of someone getting jiggy wid it next door was on holiday in Magaluf once.  The girl I was with woke me up in the middle of the night to say the couple next door had been at it and it had turned her on so she wanted to do it with me, except that it took her so long to wake me and they'd stopped and she didn't feel like it now.

She woke me from a lovely sleep to tell me I wasn't having sex.  What maniac does that ?

to wake you from a lovely sleep to tell you she's turned on and wants it? that's justifiable.

but to wake you from a lovely sleep to tell you that she doesn't want it? that's just harsh.

octatonic

thermionic said:

Change the name of your wifi network to icanhearyouhavingsex.

Noise is fine but one of our previous neighbours conducted ... er... solo flights that we could actually see, thanks to open blinds and a direct view of his living room.

The houses were very close together (their living room was overlooked by our kitchen) and you could see him not only playing porn on his large TV but also on the laptop perched precariously on the sofa arm.
Apparently one form of videographic debauchery was just not enough for this individual.

I changed our wifi network name to 'stop wanking with the blinds open' for a bit and then blinds were eventually duly shut.

The things was that if you were doing the washing up and he chose that time to have a private moment then he'd have to close the blinds right in front of you.
It was extremely awkward.

stimpsonslostson

I'm FAR more likely to be disturbed by the consequences of my neighbours "putting sour cream in the burrito": There are 8 children under the age of 7 in our block (including 2 of my own).
So the adults have all HAD sex in the past, it's just a fond memory now though .

CHRISB50

The first holiday my wife and I went on together, we stayed next door to a couple who were pretty vocal three times a day. Every day. 

They seemed to to have set times for it, so at least we could try and make sure we were out. 

If we did happen to be in, I’d give them a little round of applause once they were done. 

It didn't particularly bother me but then I knew it was only for a week. If it was all the time then it would probably piss me off a bit.

rivercider

octatonic said:

thermionic said:

Change the name of your wifi network to icanhearyouhavingsex.

Noise is fine but one of our previous neighbours conducted ... er... solo flights that we could actually see, thanks to open blinds and a direct view of his living room.

The houses were very close together (their living room was overlooked by our kitchen) and you could see him not only playing porn on his large TV but also on the laptop perched precariously on the sofa arm.
Apparently one form of videographic debauchery was just not enough for this individual.

I changed our wifi network name to 'stop wanking with the blinds open' for a bit and then blinds were eventually duly shut.

The things was that if you were doing the washing up and he chose that time to have a private moment then he'd have to close the blinds right in front of you.
It was extremely awkward.

Bloke over the road from our old house occasionally did same thing.  Solo, in bedroom with light on and curtains open.  His wife presumably asleep in other bedroom. 
Offputting. 
Someone else I know was an estate agent who was once showing a property to a young couple - when he opened the door and entered the (small-ish) house, where the front door pretty much opened into the lounge, he was greeted by the unexpected sight of the male owner lying on the lounge floor with the TV playing smut whilst he was at it on his own. 
Estate agent did abrupt U-turn and told young couple they couldn't view it there and then & would need to 'wait a bit' or rearrange.  Awkward. 

axisus

Emp_Fab said:

..... except that it took her so long to wake me and they'd stopped and she didn't feel like it now.

I have visions of her bouncing on the bed and thumping you with a pillow for 20 minutes whilst you snore away.

The thing to do with her is record the sound from a porn movie, put an hour of silence in front of the recording then leave it playing in the cupboard when you go to bed every night.

Iamnobody

No. I’ve lived in a flat, a modern end terrace, a modern detached and now a 1930s semi. I’ve never heard the neighbours having relations in any of those properties.

But we do hear the kids screaming and running around in the current gaff and I’m sure they hear ours. 

I’d like to think most people would be aware of ‘noise issues’ and engage according to the surroundings. People who say they can’t do these things quietly probably want to be heard and it’s all part of the performance.

rivercider

In the same way I try to keep my guitar volumes modest & acceptable to neighbours (even closing doors in the heatwave etc) I think it's sensible to keep other things low-key. 
I'm still surprised by how often my wife says she can hear my practice amp from the garden when I'm indoors thinking it's on really quiet.  Sound travels further than I often realise.  

munckee

rivercider said:

In the same way I try to keep my guitar volumes modest & acceptable to neighbours (even closing doors in the heatwave etc) I think it's sensible to keep other things low-key. 
I'm still surprised by how often my wife says she can hear my practice amp from the garden when I'm indoors thinking it's on really quiet.  Sound travels further than I often realise.  

My wife says she can my amps whatever volume I play them at anywhere in the house, unless I'm in the kids play room which is a converted garage.  Its no louder than a tv but must be an easier frequency to pick up.  However we constantly hear our neighbour's dog which she seemingly leaves out all hours and our other neighbours shout at each other a lot.

Haven't heard any rumpy pumpy noises, they must hear ours on my birthday, well they will be able to feel the foundations vibrate and hear the loud singing in italian followed by my crying...

Iamnobody

Due to noise/neighbours I seldom plug in at home (I’m still talking about guitars).

57Deluxe

they are in their 70s, so the sound of arthritic grinding of bone is a bit disturbing

merlin

DLM

Bridgehouse said:

Having said that, I have heard one of our neighbours at it in the garden, accompanied by the 1812 overture they were playing on their stereo outside really loudly.

How odd, I've never heard of a version of that with an oboe d'amore solo! https://www.vsl.co.at/images/EmbNav_OboedAmore_720x300.jpg

Fretwired

I got disturbed in a hotel once - in Chester after a gig at 12.30 in the morning and all I wanted to do was sleep. A couple were at it for two hours in a room down the corridor - she screamed and moaned all night. The hotel was small and empty - turns out the only guests were me and them. Viagra has a lot to answer for .. I saw them at breakfast and I'd have said mid-50's obviously having an affair.