Age related deterioration

fields5069

I'm still doing OK at 49. Bits ache a bit in the morning, which goes in about 5 minutes. Oh and I've had 2 teeth taken out.

Caffeine_Vampire

I still have a full head of hair. Everything else needs replacing. Not sure if I’m lucky or not...

Blaendulais

Keeping your hair doesnt affect your life expectancy...i'm pleased to know.

rlw

I think the worst thing about getting old is, for me anyway, not fancying women half as much as I used to - it takes a lot more to make me take a second look these days - and, frankly, unless I was really in the mood, I would probably turn down advances from the whole of the female cast of Strictly, Katja included.

NorthernGooner

scrumhalf said:

Jalapeno said:

re:Triple Violation - camera up the old fella is called Cystoscopy.  And it facking hurts after !

They can be rigid or flexible. Neither are what you would call leisure pursuits.

What I find unnerving about getting older is my growing intolerance of the cold. Up to the age of about 50 the cold really didn't have too much of an effect on me. Since then, it's been like my internal thermostat has gone haywire

Scrum half, Know you recently had bypass surgery..... I had it done 4 yrs ago. I find taking the statins makes you less tolerant of the cold, presumably as they must thin your blood.

menamestom

I think the real yardstick is if you fall over.

People say you fell over, you’re okay

People say you ‘had a fall’, you are well deteriorated. 

JAYJO

jonnyburgo said:

When you walk into B&Q, look up at the screens and the crown of you head looks like a monkeys arse. Bad knees, crunchy painful thumb on picking hand, long balls, nose hair like a thicket and wrinkles that look like they are carved in. Other than that im still bloody gorgeous.

There was a time when we could all just go to Blackpool sit on a bench and die. Now we have to work at B&Q ffs.

Phil_aka_Pip

heavyrocker said:

What about the millions of pensioners who voted for Brexit, putting the freedom and long-term dreams and aspirations of the younger generation above that generations own short-term selfish desires?

Fixed. Sometimes the old gits know best

scrumhalf

NorthernGooner said:

scrumhalf said:

Jalapeno said:

re:Triple Violation - camera up the old fella is called Cystoscopy.  And it facking hurts after !

They can be rigid or flexible. Neither are what you would call leisure pursuits.

What I find unnerving about getting older is my growing intolerance of the cold. Up to the age of about 50 the cold really didn't have too much of an effect on me. Since then, it's been like my internal thermostat has gone haywire

Scrum half, Know you recently had bypass surgery..... I had it done 4 yrs ago. I find taking the statins makes you less tolerant of the cold, presumably as they must thin your blood.

Thanks, but this happened before any of this cardiac, cholesterol or blood pressure malarkey. I think I may have to look at the warnings for my medication to see if becoming a soft southern shandy-drinking shite is on the list of possible side-effects.

Caffeine_Vampire

None of the men in my family made it to 65. Make the most of what you have while you have it. 

Nitefly

On the "three score and ten" scale, I'm into my last six months 

However, the life expectancy calculator says I have another 15 years 

False teeth, hearing aids, varifocal specs, thinning hair - all this and more is mine ...

*edit* so really I'm doing pretty well, with no major issues like diabetes or other debilitating complaints.

As long as they don't start the Soylent Green program anytime soon...

deano

You know what? I have no intention of going in to care! I don't give a monkey's if I have to save up ten codeine a month over the next ten years and then down the lot with a bottle or two of whisky, that is not happening to me.

I will write myself a letter detailing where I have stashed them and why I need to take them and how to do it,  and when I can't remember writing it, that is when I will follow the instructions I have laid down and why.

I do not intend my children to be hampered like my wife is with her mother; a sac of functioning chemical reactions.

If I can't find my stash of drugs and booze, I will order myself to jump off the highest bridge.

We seem to have managed to make bodies live for decades beyond our shelf lives, but unfortunately the brain is still running on the old clocks. So we can live for a century, but with dementia for a quarter of it. Thanks, but not for me.

Philly_Q

Nitefly said:

As long as they don't start the Soylent Green program anytime soon...

Might be better than all that chlorinated chicken and hormone-injected beef we'll be importing from the USA if Boris Johnson & Co get their way.

Although not if you're part of the ingredients, obviously....

Caffeine_Vampire

deano said:

You know what? I have no intention of going in to care! I don't give a monkey's if I have to save up ten codeine a month over the next ten years and then down the lot with a bottle or two of whisky, that is not happening to me.

I will write myself a letter detailing where I have stashed them and why I need to take them and how to do it,  and when I can't remember writing it, that is when I will follow the instructions I have laid down and why.

I do not intend my children to be hampered like my wife is with her mother; a sac of functioning chemical reactions.

If I can't find my stash of drugs and booze, I will order myself to jump off the highest bridge.

We seem to have managed to make bodies live for decades beyond our shelf lives, but unfortunately the brain is still running on the old clocks. So we can live for a century, but with dementia for a quarter of it. Thanks, but not for me.

deano said:

You know what? I have no intention of going in to care! I don't give a monkey's if I have to save up ten codeine a month over the next ten years and then down the lot with a bottle or two of whisky, that is not happening to me.

I will write myself a letter detailing where I have stashed them and why I need to take them and how to do it,  and when I can't remember writing it, that is when I will follow the instructions I have laid down and why.

I do not intend my children to be hampered like my wife is with her mother; a sac of functioning chemical reactions.

If I can't find my stash of drugs and booze, I will order myself to jump off the highest bridge.

We seem to have managed to make bodies live for decades beyond our shelf lives, but unfortunately the brain is still running on the old clocks. So we can live for a century, but with dementia for a quarter of it. Thanks, but not for me.

Amen

Phil_aka_Pip

I WILL NOT go into a "care home". The only way I will leave my own home is feet first, wearing a wooden overcoat. I would rather die at home after 6 months than eke out another 6 years in some council-run gulag while dribbling in front of daytime tv.

stephen.wood125

menamestom said:

JD50 said:

dafuzz said:

Since turning 40 my bladder has become a lying bastard

Prostate check?

That sounds like an offer 

Caution; if you feel hands on both shoulders during the check, you may need to verify the doctor's credentials.

stephen.wood125

octatonic said:

I would be lost without my ear/nose hair trimmer.

I also need to get some sort of testicle corset, there is a certain elasticity in the ball sack that I was not ready for.
It is most disconcerting when they bob around in the toilet when doing a poo.

genuine LOL... to the point I think I may have unsettled my neighbours.

stephen.wood125

I firmly believe you probably have the same amount of total hair on your body, it's just not on your head. most of my friends who are bald on top look like Chewbacca.

I found I need to work harder to lose weight at 40 than I did before. not creaking too badly yet but it's only a matter of time!

Dominic

Phil_aka_Pip said:

I WILL NOT go into a "care home". The only way I will leave my own home is feet first, wearing a wooden overcoat. I would rather die at home after 6 months than eke out another 6 years in some council-run gulag while dribbling in front of daytime tv.

They get Ladies in there you know............just sayin'

rivercider

This is the best thread I've ever read here, funny as hell,I relate to most of this.
Balls like two plums in a sock, eyesight failing so i need to own standard glasses, varifocals, reading glasses,contacts and multifocal contacts for various different purposes....and I still can't read the fucking instructions on a microwave meal....
In supermarkets if I forget to take reading glasses 
in with me I sometimes photograph stuff with my phone so I can then zoom in on the photo to read the bloody label before I chuck it into my basket .

Worst thing for me though is the tinnitus I've had since September 2015, a never-ending, never changing fire alarm type loud wail in my left ear (well,it's in your brain actually, but it's complicated to explain ) that is a 24/7 curse.  The first few weeks of this nearly ruined me as my adrenalin levels went beserk and I was constantly feeling the fight or flight impulse. 
I've habituated a little now after three years of it, but as there's no cure and little chance of anyone spending much time or money on finding one it's a bit depressing and I'd swap it for plenty of other more 'physical' ailments.

Moral of this story is that you may want to take ear protection seriously....