Phrases you think are common but nobody else has heard before

blobb

Who's coat is this Jacket? - der. Welsh, used to establish the owner of said coat / jacket.

randella

“If it’s sympathy you’re after, you’ll find it in the dictionary. Between shit and syphilis.’
”Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.’

Neither particularly originated in my family to be fair, I picked them up elsewhere. 

thecolourbox

boogieman said:

As black as Newgate’s knocker. 

It’s dark over Wilf’s mother’s. (Which apparently should be “Will’s mother’s”). 

Ooh yer cowson. 

Ah yes that's used over this way too. Some theorise that it's popular in Birmingham and the Black Country because Will Shakespeare's parents lived South West from here and that's where the prevailing winds and weather usually come from.

axisus

Zoolooter said:

@axisus Pig in an alley = bandy legs

??? I don't see the correlation?

Foster

axisus said:

Zoolooter said:

@axisus Pig in an alley = bandy legs

??? I don't see the correlation?

If you have bandy legs you will be unable to stop a pig in an alley as the piggie will run between your legs

Nitefly

As black as a coal-hole.

Thick as pig-shit.

Couldn't manage twins in a pram.

Face as long as a gas-man's mac.

Mouth like a cat's bum.

Zoolooter

“He wants to know the far end of a hens fart”

Yorkshire saying apparently. Mum would say it to dad all the time when we were kids. 

Foster

"I'd rather shit in me hands and clap" - always gets odd looks and a few giggles

octatonic

"Silly as a bum full of smarties." - From the film, 'Kenny'.

"Going off like frog in a sock in the sun" - Rural Aussie saying.

robgilmo

Couldn't pull your cock straight , to describe an underpowered car.

Wazmeister

Couldnt hit his own cock with a flip-flop

richardhomer

Someone I know once described a person who’d received bad news by using the phrase ‘he had a face like Hitler when he opened his gas bill’.

Understandably, not in common usage....

BigMonka

DiscoStu said:

As gay as a window.
I've never really understood that one.

I’m pretty sure that one was from Brass Eye, so was never meant to make sense!

robgilmo

On it like a car bonnet.

cj73

A face like a dog chewing a thistle

springhead

"He doesn't know if it's Christmas or Tuesday"

Face like a welders bench/robbers dog/blind cobblers thumb.

lasermonkey

I've been driven to use the phrase "dumber than a sackful of doorknobs" on several occasions.

cj73 said:

A face like a dog chewing a thistle

The one I use is "a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".

My old boss used to say "like a prick in a shirt-sleeve" to describe a loose fit.

tone1

Like a dog’s dick in a wellie boot..... generally used when something doesn’t fit very well 

tone1

It’s like pissing in the ocean......(for all the difference it will make)

springhead

"He's like a dog with two dicks!" for someone overexcited or not knowing what to do next.