Completely Made Up Yet (Not) True (Non-)Facts About Gear

BintyTwanger77

I've cribbed this idea from another forum I saw, but I'd like you to submit your honestly (not) true (made up) facts about pedals, guitars, amps, gear in general.

And they have to be stupid. Probably surreal. And definitely funny.

Just for a laugh and a break from serious talk about what kind of pagoda-sized power source you need for 5 Moogerfoogers or whether you really need that 8th germanium OD pedal or 12th analogue reverb for your "small" board.

As well as for a laugh, it's also for a thing I'm doing *taps nose*

Make us laugh. Go!

BintyTwanger77

For example:

Every Pete Cornish pedal has an individually installed 2cm clone of Dave Gilmour inside it. He has a tiny breathing hole next to the mix knob and lives entirely on static, dust and microscopic droplets of moisture.

octatonic

Bo Diddly made his first guitar and all the frets were the same distance from one another.

I was told this by someone when I was 16- never heard it from anywhere else.

Hootsmon

super hard on stack intae big muff  =  pregnant bad monkey

handsomerik

Not really sure what you're after but you might be interested to know that once when I was building a batch of fuzz pedals my cat ate the whole little ziplock bag worth of germanium transistors that I'd laid out ready to socket. Once I'd retrieved the little goodies from the litter tray, cleaned the transistor legs and socketed them in the fuzz pedals they resulted in the smoothest creamiest most touch sensitive fuzz I've ever heard (with oodles of bloom and super gooey compression).

I now never build a fuzz pedal without passing the transistors through a feline. I'm currently in talks with the local zoo to see if it would be possible to pass some old Russian transistors through a lion. I have suspicions it would make a fuzz pedal so great that even Joe Bonamassa would put his name to it (and we all know how hard it is to get him to endorse gear.)

Moss

If you buy a Strymon Mobius, you have sold your soul to the demons of tone suck and will spend eternity trying to turn up a non-existent treble knob on your amp while Joel from JHS, Devi Ever and the Vertex bloke cackle uncontrollably.

BintyTwanger77

Analogueman is so dedicated to his name that he had his own digits removed and replaced with indidividual boutique analogue fingers...

Although he had to wait 18 months on a waiting list to get them.

randomhandclaps

Each of the children who works of Joyo's assembly line has their tongue removed to prevent them defecting and selling secrets to JHS pedals.

DesVegas

I have a tremolo that has such a slow rate it's six hours between peaks.

Cabicular

In the late 60s Fender got Jimi Hendrix to test some of their new Asbestos painted guitars

The results were documented in a memorable gig on the isle of white

Heartfeltdawn

The Line 6 Helix will have more units available by March 2016. 

TheCount

Analogman has not hyped up the nkt275 after he bought all of them

BintyTwanger77

Sir David Attenborough once dedicated an entire episode of a series on endangered & rare species to the Montreal Assembly Count To Five. The entire episode was an hour's edit of 6 months of Sir David refreshing his email account.

kossofffan

The Klon Centaur and a King of Tone was originally modeled on the much more organic sounding Boss MT-2

BintyTwanger77

If left in the mouth for long enough, most Mooer pedals are soluble.

Moss

BBE rebadged Vertex's wahs first

Moss

Joe Bonnamassa doesn't actually exist

Heartfeltdawn

Courtesy is the cornerstone of the Fulltone customer service experience. 

Alnico

Devi Ever is quite Fit !

Think i'm going to be Sick !!!

thermionic

I accidentally wired up my CE-2 with a centre-positive power supply and now it doesn't sound the same:

Alnico

Excellent ^^^