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Taking Mescaline in my back yard on a hot summer’s day...beautiful experience
Started meditation almost by accident 15 years ago. Became teetotal and also fixed most of my mental health issues overnight. Sorted out lots of unanswered questions, my doubts about life and set my moral compass straight.
Very sorry to hear them.
My YouTube Channel
Had a mystery virus when I was 8.
Spent 10 days in hospital, critical. Remember Mum telling me that when we arrived on the first night they rushed me to surgery suspecting something nasty. They wheeled me into the lift, then put a hand out to stop mum getting in "I'm sorry, you can't come" and the doors closed. She said that almost finished her there and then, watching your sick child taken away like that with the very real possibility you won't see them again.
I struggled for 10 days, nothing worked, I was deteriorating fast. All I really remember was seeing relatives and everyone buying me toys. It's only afterwards that you realise why they were doing that.
Long story short, the consultant said to me on day 10 - we have no more options (we had already had some Professor of tropical medicine from London have a go) so I've asked a friend of mine who is the only registered homeopathic doctor in the country to try.
He handed me a small potion, I drank it, and went home 2 days later.
[Before I was discharged, and this is the life changing bit, they asked me if I had been 'to the toilet' that day. I said no, then for some reason realised I had indeed visited the toilet that day. Too late, suppository administered! - with me screaming no, honestly I have been to the Loo, honestly, why won't you believe me...??!!?? ]
So I pulled through that one.
Fast forward a good few years, I smashed up my shoulder on a ski trip. Only it wasn't just my shoulder that was damaged. Nobody bothered to examine the rest of my neck at the time (don't get me started on what I think of the NHS). They missed a serious neck injury which unbeknown to me had affected my central nervous system, changed my behaviours and awareness of the world and eventually lead to me losing pretty much everything in life including my wife who I loved dearly, my house, my job and worst of all, my two spaniels which still makes me cry every day.
I tried to rebuild until a serious car smash pretty much finished the neck job the ski accident started.
So 7 years after the car crash here I am. Sitting at a computer desk with severe concussion and a shattered life. Wondering what might have happened if I hadn't drunk that potion
At least I've still got my guitars eh?
Waiting for a thread-trumping response from DaLefty.
I remember being unable to sleep for more than a couple of hours. Waking at all times of the night and trying to calm my racing mind by drinking loads of chamomile tea and laying on the sofa, listening to guided meditation videos on YouTube, trying to control my panic - which by now, it had turned into. FFWD a few weeks of this hell and I ended up, on Feb 4th 2012, in the coronary care unit, having had a very real heart attack.
Things went semi-ok for a while - the lump in the throat went, but not in the oesophagus. They wouldn't do the endoscopy for another six months as there is a risk for heart patients. Eventually, they did it and found a hiatus hernia, which was likely causing acid reflux, which was likely the cause of the lump in the throad and the sensations in my oesophagus. The arse-oscopy was normal.
NOW.... I'm post heart-attack and everything seems to have settled down. Then, one day, I'm happily cooking dinner, and feel a sharp pain in my chest. Oh-oh..... It's not going away.... As I'm now acutely aware of anything in my chest that might be heart-related, I'm on the phone to 999. A&E, chest x-ray, blood tests etc etc. Nothing wrong with my heart it turns out, BUT - "we have found a shadow on your lung". "Take these antibiotics and we'll xray you in a six weeks to see if it's just a chest infection". Lung cancer was, and still is, my greatest fear, my uncle having died from it a few years previously. Cue several more weeks of anxiety, chamomile tea, meditation videos, sleepless nights. The follow-up appointment letter never arrived. After some chasing, it turns out I was never put on the list for the second x-ray, but they would put me on now, but I couldn't jump the queue and would have to wait another six weeks !!!!! Around this time, I was made jointly responsible for a large national project my company was piloting, so more stress.
I booked a holiday, and two days before, after endlessly haranguing the hospital, I eventually got my follow-up x-ray. The consultant said he would phone me with the results the same day. He did. Clear.
However, contrary to what I expected, I didn't immediately shed myself of all my anxiety and jet off for a week in the sun, but mentally imploded - despite the good news. I think by this stage, I'd lost the ability to have a handle on things. I missed the holiday (and lost the money too as I hadn't got around to getting insurance at that point) and spent a week recuperating mentally.
I'm sorry this has been such a verbose post for a comparatively trivial story, but I've always been a windbag !
Health anxiety is a bastard. What really doesn't help is the stigma attached to it. The old name for it is 'Hypochondria' - which was always used in my formative years to pejoratively describe a shallow, self-centred fool. Even to this day, that attitude persists - and even within the medical profession.
I am, however, eternally grateful to have been spared the tragic experiences many others here have had thrust upon them. I cannot begin to imagine how you could cope with that. My heart goes out to you all.
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
Losing so much mental ability (albeit temporarily) forced me to be more logical and more organised. It was a great thing. It's actually only now that I feel totally musical again in terms of creating new stuff. I've started working with Ableton and Reaper properly and I'm really enjoying it.
The more stories I hear about doctors' misdiagnoses, the more you realise that the NHS isn't this incredible thing we should all be proud of. The concept - yes - but the way it's been run into the ground with a lack of resources to provide a good service makes me angry. How many times have you heard "The doctor said it was probably just x, but in the end it was z" ? At no point in my experience was the concept of health anxiety even mentioned... all I got was unbridled irritation from several GPs. Even when I had my heart attack, the GP tried to make out that I had brought it on myself through excessive worrying. Even while I was having the heart attack in A&E - I was largely ignored and repeatedly told that they didn't know what it was. After half an hour they decided to get someone to come down to A&E from Cardiology. The chap took one look at my ECG and said "You're having a heart attack - we've got to get you into surgery immediately". That delay could have cost me my life... as it is, I can only surmise that it certainly contributed to the death of 20% of my heart muscle. I'm also of the opinion that had the medical treatment of my mum been more attentive and focused, she would still be here. Her death was avoidable and she died in their care.
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
On a less positive note, celiac diagnosis was significantly less than fun. It requires a massive shift in attitude towards food and is frankly miserable at times.
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
Compensation case for my friend went to the very top and lasted seven years. His insurance company finally relented 10 minutes before I was meant to be in court as a character witness. Fuckers.
I was convinced I was going to die that night, so now when driving I never, ever get angry at anyone. I only ever use the horn if absolutely necessary. Life is too short to get angry at people - it's not going to change the way they drive, so why waste the energy!
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
My life changing moment really was having the pacemaker fitted (on my 60th birthday, what a present) as apparently I would have been dead in short order if I hadn't had it. Which is pretty life changing as I would have been dead. if you get my drift.
Funny thing was I was far more concerned for worried loved ones than my own mortality. Having never been faced with immiment death before I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't fear it, it was more the weighing up of the downsides and the advantages. Downside being the distress it causes loved ones and the upside being you don't have to get up for work anymore. Which was nice as I now live life with a tranquility and peace that I didn't have before.
My heart goes out (along with the batteries) to those of you who have suffered greatly in life.
My life changing moment really was having the pacemaker fitted (on my 60th birthday, what a present) as apparently I would have been dead in short order if I hadn't had it. Which is pretty life changing as I would have been dead. if you get my drift.
Funny thing was I was far more concerned for worried loved ones than my own mortality. Having never been faced with immiment death before I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't fear it, it was more the weighing up of the downsides and the advantages. Downside being the distress it causes loved ones and the upside being you don't have to get up for work anymore. Which was nice as I now live life with a tranquility and peace that I didn't have before.
My heart goes out (along with the batteries) to those of you who have suffered greatly in life.