Unexpected reaction...

Blackjack

This morning whilst sitting having a coffee I went onto Facebook and was shocked to see a post saying that an old friend of mine, who was also my first proper love, had passed away.  I have not seen him in years but we still used to stay in touch now and then.  The last time I spoke to him was to wish him a Happy New Year. The news has really hit me unexpectedly hard.  I have cried on and off throughout the day and feel so incredibly sad.  He passed away at the end of January out in Spain where he had moved to last year so I was not even able to attend his funeral. 
I don't understand my own reactions to the news but I don't like it, I feel so incredibly sad and it has got me questioning my own mortality. Not quite sure how to deal with this one.....

Grunfeld

You've explained it well, and your reactions are really understandable.  Someone who was once your world has passed and it feels like a little bit of your history has gone. 
The one truth that we all know is that we don't get too long here, not really.  And we are terribly wasteful with our time.  And it's always been this way.  I was reading Seneca the other night and he's going on about it too, saying a bloke will squabble and get into crazy legal disputes if his neighbour puts his fence one inch over his garden, and yet he'll let people and mindless distractions squander his most precious resource of all:  his time. 
I guess you look back on the good times you had with your old friend.  It's your job to carry the memories, and yes, it could have been his.  Smile for what you had, and I guess make sure we have a bit of value and meaning to our lives. 

ToneControl

I have a simple observation: those we have loved are always dear to us, and it's always going to be a shock when one dies.

I had the same thing happen a few years ago, but since the relationship was so long ago, it was not as painful as it could have been 

I took it as wake up call to live my life more proactively rather than sleepwalking through it

p90fool

My ex died in July, we were together for 15 years but we parted on bad terms and had no contact at all since 1997. 

I had to go to her flat in August and it looked like I lived there, everything apart from a couple of bits of furniture and a few dozen books was familiar to me from 20 years ago. 

My life has been fantastic in the intervening years, new wife with a son, three grandchildren, lots of travel, interesting jobs, playing in some great bands etc, but she never moved on. 

She knew she was dying and made me sole executor so I'd have to go there and deal with it all. She'd had a succession of ever dingier flats, and had left old pictures of me in every drawer. 

To say my emotions are complicated is an understatement.  

Winny_Pooh

First loves are special and those memories stay with you. Mortality is definitely a thing to jolt you out of a bubble and make you reflect, at the end of which you shouldn't only be sad; death and love are part of a big mystery and grasping for its meaning is what we should attempt. 

prowla

I found out yesterday that my brother in law (sister's husband) has cancer.

Hopefully that completes the "things come in threes" rule!

Blackjack

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I am feeling better today, particularly after some amazing words from my close friend @Alnico who always seems to have the knack of making me see things in a better light. I think my reaction was one of shock more than anything. Today is about looking forwards rather than back. 
Thank you so much one and all. 

p90fool

Never listen to @Alnico !

Alnico

p90fool said:

Never listen to @Alnico !

Another LOL from me, He's right.