Write an open letter of clarification to an artist of your choosing.

underdog

rsvmark;802028" said:

Dear Mr Grohl What exactly is a monkey wrench as they sure as shit don't sell them at screw fix 

Mary Liksa Cockwell inn Tillit Herts

Hootsmon

Whitney Houston

that looks deep

HAL9000

Dear Jamie Lawson,

You really do need to think about how things are likely to pan out.

Yours etc

sev112

Hi Paul Not this year - it's not the same since they don't bring the Dodgems any more I did speak to her, but she said you can afford you own clothes these days. If not, there's a Primark on the Whitkey Road Sorry it's a quick note; I'm watching a gardening-themed 1970s kids programme box set.

sev112

Dr PC McTell I saw no-one doing nuffin, honest All right all right, I admit, There were some old people kickin stuff and papers around. Have a look in the cafe down the market - there are some dodgy people in there. The ex navy ones are all trouble But don't tell no-one I told you.

TheBlueWolf

Dearest Mr Plant

As much as I love The Zep Id rather you didn't give me your love. You're a great guy and all but I'll pass

Ta dood

TheBlueWolf

thebreeze

Dear Mr James Cliff

There seems to be a very serious misunderstanding between yourself and Mr Jagger and Mr Richards and it's causing untold confusion for those of us who just want to know the truth.  Can we get what we want or can't we?  May I suggest a meeting to clear this matter up once and for all.

Ever patient,

Yours, Dissatisfied

richardhomer

Dear Ian,

Much as I'm a fan of yours, I regret to advise that I'm not willing to hit you with my rhythm stick.

Naturally I'm flattered that you should ask and just hope that a more accommodating fan will come along soon - assuming of course that they haven't already been arrested for impropriety on Top of the Pops.

Kind regards,

Mr A Blackburn.

Moominpapa

Dear Moz,

Got your card - cheers! Couldn't really read your writing but I think you spelled "happy" wrong lol!. Anyway, it's the thought that counts. Ta ra for now.

The Birthday Boy

breakstuff

Dear Mr West,

We regret tim inform you that your recent application for a £100 loan has been refused.We would advise you to have a word with your fat missus if you're that desperate.


Paul Littlefinger.

Wonga.

Alnico

Dear Mr Bieber,

We notice from our records that you haven't ordered any Rope in quite some time and it's been a while since we saw you in the news. In anticipation of your next little stunt, we have sent you a length which we feel would be appropriate, pre-tied by a professional and also we have included a large pack of Solid Oak 6 x 4 and some of the finest, gold tipped screws available, which make any wooden construction that is designed to hold a person's weight off the ground, ultra reliable and very strong.

There is no charge for the above items and we are quite prepared to send you this 'Kit' as many times as is necessary.

Yours in excited anticipation,

The Entire Adult Population of the World.

HAL9000

Dear Dire Straits,

I must admit I still find barre chords a bit tricky.

Yours,

Guitar George

HAL9000

Dear Rolf,

I wondered what I should get you as a little token to celebrate your release. In the end I settled for this yew tree.

Yours etc

Bridgehouse

Dear Mr Astley,

You utter bastard.

Despite your many promises, repeated yearly, and in some perceived earnest, you have packed your bags, given up on me, and fucked off.

As if this was not bad enough, I have, on many occasions, clicked unknowingly on internet links only to be diverted to a video of you crooning your promises of fidelity, and being thus reminded time and time again of your inability to keep your promise.

I presume this is your idea of a sick joke. 

So another year passes where we are not together, forever. If you decide to return I would just like to clarify that I will not be holding you in my arms, even if I do need somebody. It will not be you.

Even if your arms do keep missing me, it would take a strong strong man indeed to stop me from punching you in the face and telling you to sling your hook.

I have given up on love.

Yours,
The Music Industry.

bodhi

Dear Ms. Wendy James,

I would like to hereby voice my deep and ongoing concern that you have neither responded to, nor even acknowledged, in truth, my weekly correspondence since 1988 regarding your desire for my love.

I would like to reassure you that my love is certainly still available to you at your convenience, and that - as mentioned before - I would be more than willing to financially compensate you for your time and effort, despite your commitment to the contrary.

I implore you to respond before 2027, by which time I do rather suspect that my love will have stopped functioning funkily.

Yours in anticipation,

Bodhi

Nikko

Dear 'Bee Gees',

For clarification, and after taking advice from my Wife, I can confirm that the depth of my love is 8 inches.

Regards

etc etc

Nabokovs_Monkey

Dear Mr Knopfler,

You have the binoculars the wrong way round.

Regards,

David

Bridgehouse

Dear Chesney Hawkes,

Yes, yes you are, aren't you.

Thank fuck there aren't more of you.

The world.

Reverend

Dear Bee Gees,

It would appear that To Love Somebody is to blur the lines between imperial and metric. 

yrs etc

darthed1981

HAL9000 said:

Dear Dire Straits,

I must admit I still find barre chords a bit tricky.

Yours,

Guitar George

Dear Dire Straits,

I've also learnt the pentatonic scale in two positions.

Yours,

Guitar George