The problem with engineers

Fretwired

An engineering friend sent me these:

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

Phil_aka_Pip

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer were in a car which broke down at the bottom of a steep hill. The mech eng bloke was told to get out and fix it. After a while he said Cant see owt wrong, must be electrical - your turn! So the electrical engineer got out to have a look but soon couldn't find anything wrong so they both looked at the MCSE bloke. He thought for a bit then asked brightly "Why don't we push it back to the top of the hill and see if it does it again?"

ICBM

lol at 3 and 8 in particular .

lloyd

Lulz

Clarky

10 is awesome.. lmao

EDIT: in fact.. 10 is me.. lmao

Drew_TNBD

Clarky said:

10 is awesome.. lmao

EDIT: in fact.. 10 is me.. lmao

Bloody Texan engineering right!?

thomasross20

God I wish I'd done medicine or accountancy ... !

mike_l

We can take the piss out of accountants and doctors too.........

thomasross20

Don't mention PRS lol....!

thomasross20

I hate the geeky engineer image, and to be honest - it's largely justified!!

mike_l

thomasross20 said:

Don't mention PRS lol....!

You're an engineering denist?

frankus

thomasross20 said:

I hate the geeky engineer image, and to be honest - it's largely justified!!

Fo hunnerd years that word been holding us back..
Took a whole lotta tryin',
Just to get up that hill.
Now we're up in the big leagues,
Gettin' our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it's you and me baby,
There ain't nothin wrong with that.

mudslide73

Phil_aka_Pip;440093" said:

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer were in a car which broke down at the bottom of a steep hill. The mech eng bloke was told to get out and fix it. After a while he said Cant see owt wrong, must be electrical - your turn! So the electrical engineer got out to have a look but soon couldn't find anything wrong so they both looked at the MCSE bloke. He thought for a bit then asked brightly "Why don't we push it back to the top of the hill and see if it does it again?"

That's a variation on the old Bill Gates one - the punchline was "Why don't we get out of the taxi and get back in again and drive away".

maltingsaudio

Fretwired said:

An engineering friend sent me these:



4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

My favourite! 

ToneControl

My favourite:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know."

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."