Past friends

Emp_Fab

Are you the kind who keeps in touch with mates from the past or do you naturally move on and see friendships as more dynamic things? I've been thinking about an old mate of mine who will be 50 in a few weeks so I looked him up on Facebook and his friend list is like a directory of our old gang from thirty years ago - as are theirs - like they're stuck in the past. I don't want to cling to my past - that's gone, finished. It would be nice to wish him a happy birthday and check he's doing OK, but

frankus

but what?

CabbageCat

I don't cling on to the past but I don't deliberately push a friend away because our relationship has been going on too long. Some friendships die quickly, some last for ages.

Jalapeno

Invite them all to a big piss up, or don't.  Simples !

Emp_Fab

Bloody phone!

But... I'm wary of opening a Pandora's box, so to speak. I don't want to return to our old days and maybe it's just best to leave sleeping dogs lie etc. Does anyone here keep in touch with their mates from their 20's ?

Sporky

I've not.

I did meet a friend from school again a few months ago, after a gap of 10 years or so. I didn't like him much.

digitalscream

I used to, but pretty much gave up about 8 years ago.

I occasionally speak to them, but frankly...I find that my life has moved on far past the point where we have common ground (most of my friends from school/university chose a markedly different path to me in my early 20s), so maintaining the friendship makes for a lot more work than should really be necessary.

In short...no.

CabbageCat

My 20s were only eight years ago so, yes, I keep in touch with lots of them.

I'm still friends with folk I knew from school. My sister is very good at keeping contact with people so she makes a good social conduit.

I'm still friends with several people from University but don't see some of them very often. One girl lives fairly locally so I occasionally go round for dinner.

Drew_TNBD

I am kinda in agreement with you here Emp. I moved to London when I was 19, and I'm 29 now. So that's 10 years ago.

All of my old school friends still regularly go out on the piss with each other. I don't quite get it myself. I'll gladly go and see them, and I've still got all my friends in London... but I don't feel particularly locked into a clan or peer group.

monquixote

The only people I still know from way back are the people who are "low maintenance friends" as in people I can bump into after having not seen them for 5 years and carry on as if I'd seen them yesterday.

I don't regularly spend time with anyone I went to school with for example. 

frankus

Emp_Fab said:

Bloody phone!

But... I'm wary of opening a Pandora's box, so to speak. I don't want to return to our old days and maybe it's just best to leave sleeping dogs lie etc. Does anyone here keep in touch with their mates from their 20's ?

I do from time to time, but I've changed - I'm comfortable keeping my better defined boundaries and beating down preconceptions. I can ignore the calls to do stuff I no longer do and I don't feel uncomfortable seeing aspects of my friends I didn't before.

It's good to connect to the past every so often - it's what shaped us and seeing bits of the past that trouble can help reshape us.

That said, you've changed, they'll have changed: an opportunity for different dynamics and friendships that are relevant today.

mike_l

Some yes, but most of the people I knew when I was in my 20's aren't worth keeping as friends.

Incidentally, my bestest friend I've been best mate with for 27 years.

dafuzz

Apart from people saying "you haven't aged a day" I find meeting old friends quite depressing really. After my bestest mate from school got married last year and disappeared into social oblivion I've pretty much given up on the whole balding, fattening, cynical, lazy lot of them and started hanging out with people years younger than me, trying to pretend I'm still twenty-something. Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 36? My current gf is 25 and she's worrying me with talk of 'moving in' and constant photos and visits to see her twin sister's new baby. When did this happen? I still feel 17. I still read comics for fuck's sake. Leave them all behind they only try to drag you back to the person you were, which is pretty annoying when like me you've exponentially increased in awesomeness year on year since your balls dropped. Damn you father time I'm not ready!

VimFuego

I still see some of the guys I knew at school almost on a daily basis. Well, I have to, they used to make a hell of a ruckus if I didn't feed them regularly.

Phil_aka_Pip

I keep contact with one bloke from senior school, two (occasionally) from uni. Having returned to near to the place in which I went to junior school I have been re-acquainted with two blokes who are still in the county, and occasionally have a beer with them.

I am still in contact with one bloke from my first graduate job, but rarely drink with him as he lives in another country.

Other people have moved on from where they were and so have I.

Myranda

I caught up with an ex girlfriend once - that was a mistake. I know we were catching up, but by golly she'd become self absorbed. 

ESchap

My best friend from my 20's and 30's is now my ex wife!  ..... :-S .... so ... no!

frankus

Myranda said:

I caught up with an ex girlfriend once - that was a mistake. I know we were catching up, but by golly she'd become self absorbed. 

or suffering from depression

holnrew

I keep in touch mildly through facebook, but religion stuff makes it difficult.

Fretwired

Emp_Fab said:

Bloody phone!

But... I'm wary of opening a Pandora's box, so to speak. I don't want to return to our old days and maybe it's just best to leave sleeping dogs lie etc. Does anyone here keep in touch with their mates from their 20's ?

What you mean is he's got some dirt on you ... what was here name .. is it juicy ... :-)

I met up with a few guys from school [35+ years ago] at a reunion in 2009 and we had nothing in common - a few laughs about old times. The school didn't organise another, or if they did I wasn't invited.

Phil_aka_Pip

School reunions. Never went to one, although I did get invited to a 10-year reunion (so that would have been 1985). Most of the other kids were arseholes and I was glad to leave the bastards behind. tbh although there were a few good teachers, the same applies to most of the rest as well.