I'm changing the way I live.

Drew_TNBD

Grunfeld said:

As we look out across the lawns watching the ageing ginger haired gardener chasing a young nurse

@Sambostar

Grunfeld

Drew_fx said:

Grunfeld said:

As we look out across the lawns watching the ageing ginger haired gardener chasing a young nurse

@Sambostar

... and up in his room, a resident playing a left-handed Les Paul, is watched by the nursing home's new Doctor.

The resident, (who has recently been allowed back in the home following that unfortunate incident) connects a vintage Line 6 M13 to the amp.

The doctor watching him diagnoses Alzheimer's disease -- the resident's behaviour is classic short term memory loss -- he gets rid of an M13, only to buy one again just a short time later.  Repeat indefinitely.

Only the other residents know the truth...

Fretwired

Grunfeld said:

Drew_fx said:

Grunfeld said:

As we look out across the lawns watching the ageing ginger haired gardener chasing a young nurse

@Sambostar

... and up in his room, a resident playing a left-handed Les Paul, is watched by the nursing home's new Doctor.

The resident, (who has recently been allowed back in the home following that unfortunate incident) connects a vintage Line 6 M13 to the amp.

The doctor watching him diagnoses Alzheimer's disease -- the resident's behaviour is classic short term memory loss -- he gets rid of an M13, only to buy one again just a short time later.  Repeat indefinitely.

Only the other residents know the truth...

Genius ... :-)

Deijavoo

Sorry to hear about your loss mate. I've felt similar lately.

Feel like selling everything up and buying a campervan to endlessly drive around the Mediterranean coastline like some sort of gypsy with my family. 

ToneControl

When my parents were ill I used to visit them in hospital almost every night, I felt I had to, I typically left home at 7am for work, and got home at 9pm or later

I realised after over a year of this that the net result was that I was neglecting my young kids. I discussed this with them recently, they remembered that I was largely absent from their lives for a long time, and I think I let perceived duty lead me to the wrong behaviour.

Later on, I tried to not visit them every day, and attend to my wife and kids too.

I realised that the easiest way to think about this is to think "what would the sick relative wish?" I am sure my parents would have wanted me to not neglect my kids as I did. I took months off work to remedy this in the end

I have realised that you can let the life of yourself and your kids revolve around who is ill, and who has been visited recently, or which grave needs flowers and a visit for a birthday. My current working method is that my kids come first, and that (for example) my parents would not thank me to drag my kids on a 2 hour round trip (I live away from my hometown) to put flowers on their grave when I could do something with my kids that I think would be more positive. This is a reason I fancy being cremated and scattered into a river or something

breakstuff

Great post @spacecadet
I too lost my Gran around a month ago.She was in a home for the last four years and for three and a half years I didn't see her.I always made excuses saying I was too busy but deep down I knew I was avoiding going.I saw my Granddad the night before he died and seeing him go from a tall,strong bear of a man to a rasping husk over the years in a home put me of ever stepping foot in a care home again.Eventually the guilt of not seeing my Gran got too much and about eight months ago I went to see her with a couple of my sisters.The look of joy on her face when she saw us was brilliant but it also made me realise how selfish I'd been.Even though I'd not seen her for so long she displayed no malice what so ever.She was just so genuinely pleased to see us.Subsequent visits were an up and down affair.Sometimes she'd be her normal self but mostly she'd either be sleeping or in great distress.On one occasion she actually begged my sister and I to end the pain and misery for her.The last time I saw her was the week before Christmas and she was back to her old self,laughing and joking and it was so nice to see her like that.I never got to see her again,but maybe selfishly,I'm kind of glad.I'll always remember that last visit as I saw my Gran as I always knew her,not as a broken shell as in previous visits or how I remember my last visit to see my Granddad.
Don't know where I'm going with all this and sorry for going on but it does make you think about where your life is heading.Will my Grandkids come to visit me when I'm old.If not will I deserve it for leaving my own Gran for so long.I need to become a better person,something I'm making a conscious effort to do.

thomasross20

This is the same conclusion that lad came to at the end of the film "Into the Wild" - we're happiest when experiencing life with other people. Still need money to facilitate happiness, but there has to be a balance. I might break that balance as I've been approached with a technical director's job (at age 30!) - it's especially tough for folk my age and younger IMO as housing is SO expensive we've no option but to work until we drop.

richardhomer

Firstly @Spacecadet my condolences.

I changed careers about nine months ago, in order to get off the treadmill. I was highly stressed - yet constantly tired, irascible, overweight, short of breath and suffering from very high blood pressure. I was barely exercising and drinking too much. I felt like every one of my 50 years and then some.

I am a single parent of a twelve year old son - so dying soon isn't really an option....

I am now two stone lighter (and am continuing to lose weight), my blood pressure is almost normal and I have bags more energy. Life is not perfect - but the positive changes I've made I would recommend to anyone.

Good luck with shaking things up. You won't regret it.

jellyroll

Sorry to hear about your grandma @spacecadet. ;

On the subject of achieving a balanced way of life, I have found one way is to compartmentalise. I work certain hours on certain days. When I'm not working, I'm NOT working. Resist the temptation/pressure to mix the two so that time with your family doesn't become diluted with emails, phone calls, etc. 

breakstuff

I try to live my life that way @jellyroll however I don't find it easy.I'll sit down to watch Sons Of Anarchy or such like and then feel guilty because I could be doing something 'more productive' like tiling the bathroom or mowing the lawn.Life just seems so busy nowadays.

joneve

This reminds me, I must pop round and see my Nan this week. 

Although not until the end of the week, because she'll be watching the Cheltenham races and I daren't get between her and her horse racing! 

jellyroll

joneve said:

This reminds me, I must pop round and see my Nan this week. 

Although not until the end of the week, because she'll be watching the Cheltenham races and I daren't get between her and her horse racing! 

Is your nan the Queen? William.....is that you? 

holnrew

Hmm, I have mixed feelings. My grandparents don't really care about me, but they'll die soon. I don't know how I'll feel when they do. I haven't seen them in years.

joneve

jellyroll said:

joneve said:

This reminds me, I must pop round and see my Nan this week. 

Although not until the end of the week, because she'll be watching the Cheltenham races and I daren't get between her and her horse racing! 

Is your nan the Queen? William.....is that you? 

Haha - not quite, but she was a pretty big deal in the horse racing world as she was a top trainer for over 50 years like her dad before her and he Grandfather before her (Who won the Melbourne Cup 4 times)...She watches two channels, Racing UK and ITV (for Corrie and Emmerdale, obviously)

Teetonetal

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

One thing I am grateful for is facetime - living in a foreign country whilst family is at home is really tough - facetime has been a wonderful thing for us, I bought my parents an Ipad so that every week I can call them with video and they can see their Grand-daughter... The difference is wonderful - when they visit my (16 month) daughter knows who they are and there is no adjustment. and seeing the smile on my mum's face is worth it...

Drew_TNBD

Exactly the sort of situation that I do not ever want to be in. Better stop shagging now I suppose!

Teetonetal said:

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

Teetonetal

Drew_fx said:

Exactly the sort of situation that I do not ever want to be in. Better stop shagging now I suppose!

Teetonetal said:

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

lol, I'd love to say your missing out and it's magic, but the real world view is that it's just sleepless nights, nappies, poo, vomit, more sleepless nights more poo and the occasional bleary eyed awwwwwww moment. Keep your pants on dude!

jellyroll

Teetonetal said:

Drew_fx said:

Exactly the sort of situation that I do not ever want to be in. Better stop shagging now I suppose!

Teetonetal said:

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

lol, I'd love to say your missing out and it's magic, but the real world view is that it's just sleepless nights, nappies, poo, vomit, more sleepless nights more poo and the occasional bleary eyed awwwwwww moment. Keep your pants on dude!

Quite right. Don't have kids, then you won't have to work so many hours and will have time to spend with the kids that you don't have.....

Drew_TNBD

jellyroll said:

Teetonetal said:

Drew_fx said:

Exactly the sort of situation that I do not ever want to be in. Better stop shagging now I suppose!

Teetonetal said:

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

lol, I'd love to say your missing out and it's magic, but the real world view is that it's just sleepless nights, nappies, poo, vomit, more sleepless nights more poo and the occasional bleary eyed awwwwwww moment. Keep your pants on dude!

Quite right. Don't have kids, then you won't have to work so many hours and will have time to spend with the kids that you don't have.....

If they let me back in the creche, I can get my fuck-trophy-feelsies that way!

underdog

Teetonetal;553978" said:

I really try to live like this but there is a balance between time & money that is hard to strike. When my daughter was born, my wife quit her job as she wants to be a full time mum - this means I have to work more... so have less time for friends and family.. but I think overall it's better for my daughter to be with her mum..

One thing I am grateful for is facetime - living in a foreign country whilst family is at home is really tough - facetime has been a wonderful thing for us, I bought my parents an Ipad so that every week I can call them with video and they can see their Grand-daughter... The difference is wonderful - when they visit my (16 month) daughter knows who they are and there is no adjustment. and seeing the smile on my mum's face is worth it...

why is your daughter not better off spending more time with you, or equal time with both of you? Seems a very harsh view to me, while families think like this the father will always been seen as less important by the law.

Did younger have a discussion where you agreed to sacrifice time with your daughter in order for the mother to enjoy the lions share?

I am the "mother" to my 4 year old, I spend most time with him since he was a few no the old as my wife can earn more than me. It's been so good, the most positive experience of my life and sad as I realise how much Kisses out on the first time around.