Devastating News

UnclePsychosis

Shit, man. I've only just seen this. Horrible news. Sending you as much mojo as a stranger on the internet can. 

Afraid I don't have any wise words of wisdom but I'd second all the advice to try and take some time for yourself---quite apart from your own health I'm sure Sheena would rather you were able to enjoy life (as much as you can, in the circumstances) than stressing yourself to the bone.  

All the very best. 

Evilmags

How awful. The only cheer I can give you is that your behaviour, effort and willingness is exemplary and everyone here knows what a genuinely good guy you are. All the best.

thomasross20

Thanks
Man you're all right about looking after myself. I've just had a torrid 12 hours. In the last 6 months I've had these symptoms three times:
- sore balls (lol!)
- sore lower back
- cripplingly sore stomach
- cold sweat, toilet trip and being sick.

One time was after I had lamb at a restaurant, and yesterday I had cottage pie at dobbies. So it may be food poisoning, but given my commitments, I've got a doctor's call next Wednesday. It always clears up after a day. 

On our break, too! You're all right, I need to relax..

I'm over the worst of it now but Jesus, I felt at death's door, and that was only 12 hours. I can't imagine how Sheena will feel and for how long. I will be prepared to care for her.

jonnyburgo

You can't underestimate the effects of stress at a time like this Tom, going on a break is the classic time for that stress to release into your system. Happens to my bro in law every year he goes on holiday he spends the first week feeling like he has the flu, he has a very stressfull job which is nothing compared to your stresses right now. My very best wishes to you all. Get plenty of healthy eating in, loads of vitamins etc, often during a time like this the last person you look after is yourself.

quarky

Sheena would be telling you to calm down and look after yourself I bet.

I have no experience to draw on (so maybe I am talking complete crap) and nothing original to offer, but whatever you do over the next few months, it is going to be fucking tough and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can do will change that. It is outside of your control. It isn't your fault, you can't prevent it, you can't really influence it either. I guess if I was in a position similar to Sheena, I would be saying to my wife that she needs to be that rock when I'm gone, and that although it is going to take time, she *will* get past it, and life will go on. I would want her to start ASAP in getting ready to deal with that day after, I'm gone, to be there for the the kids and so they can all pull through together. So cry, swear, despair, get angry, but *refuse* to let the situation break you any more than it already is.

thomasross20

It's sort of why I'm trying to get through all this stuff up-front.. I can't evn imagine how tough it's going to be. Luckily I will get at least half rate for 4 months from work if I need it so that's a load off. 
It's tough knowing how much time to take off and when... I hope to get to a Maggie's centre today to talk about the practical side of things..

boogieman

Tom, most of the advice given already is spot on and I can't really add much. 

You're obviously stressed up to the eyeballs mate, I think that's what's giving you the dodgy stomach. From what I know of you you're hyper at the best of times. Try and relax a bit or you'll burn yourself out and be good to nobody. 

Don't discount the hospice, they are wonderful places and will make things a lot easier for all of you, Sheena included, when or if the time comes. 

You need to get the girls' dad to help out a lot more than he's doing. It's all very well him saying he's "not a hands-on dad" but at the end of the day they're still his kids. You've got enough on your plate right now, he needs to muck in. (Frankly I'm amazed he hasn't offered already, where IS this man's conscience?). 

Take care bud, big hugs to all of you. 

Jalapeno

^^^^ Sounds just like food poisoning.

Just another comradely pat on the back from me - I lost my best mate last year to a brain tumour, and plenty others here have lost somebody close due to cancer.  We can't really do it for you, but you seem to be coping really well. 

Enjoy the widdle-fest in Birmingham !

Evilmags

If you have to sell a guitar I'll buy it at cost. If you have to sell all of them I'll send you my NSG26 to play till your back on your feet.

Bridgehouse

If you do need to sell and find yourself without then I have plenty of stuff you can have/borrow to see you through mate. 

thomasross20

Thanks, folks - all fabulous gestures and incredible support (and sorry to hear that jal.. ). Finally got to a Maggie's centre today and getting a one-to-one booked regarding what to expect from end of life care, how to prepare etc. I now understand the difference between Maggie's and MacMillan - Maggie's is a centre for support (benefits advice, psychological support and specialist nursing advice). MacMillan has support which is largely web and phone based, but is mainly for the physical nursing support. 

I met Lisa's "autistic helper" so I know the plan for her future development and suggested her dad set up a meeting. His new wife did our invitations.

I'd love to invite my aunt's and uncles to the wedding as they're family but one aunt looks down her nose at people and while I love my uncle he is an alcoholic and Sheena doesn't want her day ruined.

For years I sniffed at the Scottish folk music Sheena likes but that's all I've been listening to lately. 

I'm going to book an official snagger for the house, it's ridiculous housing isn't covered by sale of goods! 

We went to a funeral director today as she wants to make sure everything is sorted. While I was ill on our break she took the time to write her friends private letters, but she showed me 4 video messages she left them which really set me off. She's so fantastic, I'm going to have a really tough time living without her. 

I'd best get stuff sorted tomorrow - flight at 7am!
(aawwww, I walk in the door and Zoe, her mini-me daughter, is braiding her hair like for the wedding while watching Shrek - lovely moment!)

Alnico

Evilmags said:

If you have to sell a guitar I'll buy it at cost. If you have to sell all of them I'll send you my NSG26 to play till your back on your feet.

Bridgehouse said:

If you do need to sell and find yourself without then I have plenty of stuff you can have/borrow to see you through mate. 

They beat me to it.

If you end up with nothing i'll buy you a guitar.
It won't be the same caliber as some could but it would be yours.

Let me know if you need it man.

thomasross20

Right guys, show me the guitars - joking lol! That's awesome of you guys - I've been playing now and 16-17 years (jeezo!) and this is the longest I've gone without playing. I'll try to bring some notes out of some guitars at the show - should be like riding a bike..!  
I need to write more about all the positives that are happening too. Still need to see about a convertible ride for her as she's always wanted.
Downloaded a shedload of MacMillan pdfs to read on the plane!
Unfortunately I swear my hair at the front has really thinned out during these two weeks - or maybe it's natural lol.. Sheena did always say not to leave it too late or the wedding photos would be rubbish lol..

DiscoStu

thomasross20 said:

Unfortunately I swear my hair at the front has really thinned out during these two weeks - or maybe it's natural lol.. Sheena did always say not to leave it too late or the wedding photos would be rubbish lol..

Don't worry about it - embrace it!
Do a Keith Flint for the nuptials

http://i.imgur.com/6GTuV6l.jpg

thomasross20

Oh Jesus ..... !!!!!

DiscoStu

thomasross20 said:

Oh Jesus ..... !!!!!

Maybe,  if you grow your beard a bit.

thomasross20

Oh God I forgot about that (edited!) photo!!!

Just wanted to say a massive thanks again to everybody for the holiday fund in the other thread. Given the wedding costs and solicitor's fees and house deposit and a whole host of other stuff, it's amazing (read: scary!) how quickly my account has been drained, so the fund has 100% massively helped toward this Disney holiday. We might even sit in and have a nice meal in Disney itself (previous times we thought it was expensive so brought packed lunch lol). 

Also many thanks to everybody I met at the guitar show, and to those who've been in touch via phone, text, whatsapp, private messaging. Some people [have gone]/[are going] through the same ordeal or [have]/[have had] cancer (or similar) themselves, and people who haven't faced this but have been in touch etc !! Help from people is foreign to me. I do't get it much from my friends even. So this is great. 

Also without announcing it loudly 3 guys off here (I wont say names but you can mention yourselves if you like - I've no issue any which way ) did a great thing and actually sent me a guitar today + case + strings + picks! I'm thinking of selling at least one item and might have to sell more in future (will see!) so it's good to have a memento guitar I can always come back to play. Truly amazing!

I've been working really late nights (or should I say mornings!) to get my project at work progressed. Unfortunately management in the US is becoming more brutal so I think there may only be 2-3 more good years left. I need to plan for that - especially as I'll have the girls to look out for and a big mortgage! I have a Maggie's meeting with the nurse specialist tomorrow then the wedding rehearsal. I still need to figure out my speech. I haven't even spent that much quality time with Sheena of late as I've been glued to the computer getting "stuff" sorted out. Sheena has actually got me some wedding presents - I didn't know that was a thing. I need to think of some things for her. I've always done well in past - plaque's detailing her fine qualities, little medals saying she is my heroine etc. I need to think of something. And I have a possible test drive of a car on Sat and also my soon-to-be step-daughter's 21st that same day. 

I look forward to when I can relax on the couch with Sheena. Scarily the wedding is coming much closer. Scary in the sense that time is really marching on and I realise that's one more day gone that I wont get back that I've spent on the computer and not with her. Though in truth she needs her space. In fact she's been a bit snappy with me but we are rock solid - it's just that thing whereby you snap at the one you love as you know you can get away with it! She told the doctor this week no more chemo. And I'm scheduled for an ultrasound for something separate relating to when I was ill a few weeks ago. Oh yeah and the mortgage got approved... here's to being skint for 20 years lol.. I'll be happy if Sheena has some months in the house.

Right, time to get off this computer!

sweepy

I totally empathise @thomasross20 , my wife was originally diagnosed with stage 3 Clear Cell Renal Carcinoma which has now metastasised to her lungs, therefore becoming Stage 4. You have to work very hard on the dynamic and how to approach your Partner, it is incredibly hard and lonely to be the "Other One", my advice is not to neglect yourself, easy to say but bloody hard to do. Try and make time for yourself, be it playing guitar or trying to do something totally disparate from your current position, in the long run it'll help both of you.  

thomasross20

PM'd you. 

Just sat down for 5 mins and realised.. this wonderful woman is going to be my wife soon. I look forward to that greatly. There I go logging back in and posting. I'm done for the night!

Moominpapa

Both my father and my wife's father died of cancer. I saw my father once in hospital and then after that my mother didn't take us to visit any more because she thought it would be too upsetting for us and she wanted us to remember him when he was relatively OK. I totally understand her reasoning and don't blame her at all, but many times I've wished that I had seen him more times before he was gone from my life forever. So even though - or in fact because - I am by nature a "sort bureaucracy out beforehand" kind of person and understand your drive to get financial matters etc. settled a.s.a.p, I do urge you to remember that nothing is more precious than time that could be spent with someone. Other stuff can get cleared up later, but time never comes back.