Devastating News

fnpt

I am so sorry. Be strong and at peace with your self.

NelsonP

Thomas - my deepest sympathies.

Since the diagnosis you have done literally everything possible to ensure that your remaining days together were as bright as they could be. That should give you some comfort at this difficult time.

joneve

Oh Thomas, apologies for the delay, but I'm so sorry mate. The strength you both showed through all of this is unfathomable; leaves me absolutely speechless. I'm glad that you managed to get her a hospice bed "in the nick of time" and that she got the care from the Marie Curie Nurses.

I don't know what else to say, other than I hope you do continue to post in this thread, as an outlet if nothing else. We, as a collective, are all here to help you as much as we're able to, whenever you need it. 

Best wishes and hugs to you, Sheena's girls and her other close family and friends. 

I know people say this in jest, but the "not all heroes wear capes" thing applies here - you truly are an absolute hero amongst men. 

Bucket

NelsonP said:

Since the diagnosis you have done literally everything possible to ensure that your remaining days together were as bright as they could be. That should give you some comfort at this difficult time.

Neatly put. I tried to express this sentiment but couldn't get the words right

thomasross20

Just out shopping. Always do this with Sheena. Depressing.. to think I have to buy for one less person. 
Got the death certificate today and sorting stuff out. She wanted a particular place for the wake though it only holds 40 people and I think there will be a lot more. Tricky..

joeyowen

Private gathering, then a wake?

thomasross20

That's an idea.. 
I'm just out somewhere else now, a nice place. Her best friend is a good comfort but it just gets worse every day being without Sheena. 

thomasross20

I found another venue with grounds (!) that holds 100 and then I can maybe get key people back to the other one later...

thomasross20

Just back to an empty house now. Honestly... I've got the house, the car, the job... But I feel I've ultimately got nothing without Sheena. Remember the good times? All I can think about is how we won't have any more. It's a chasm of emptiness and longing for what can't be.

Alnico

thomasross20 said:

Just back to an empty house now. Honestly... I've got the house, the car, the job... But I feel I've ultimately got nothing without Sheena

No.
You've got YOU.
That's not... "Nothing".

You're feeling loss and grief and they're tainting how you see what value you do have left in your life.
This will pass in time but for now, you don't have "Nothing",....you have YOU and currently that's worth a lot more than you seem to think.

Keep things on a "1 day at a time" basis and on that basis, you're winning.

You're fighting yourself here, your own feelings and it's a hard fight.
You know yourself so well it's easy to hurt yourself and not so easy to defend from.
Keep your focus on the minute to minute but never let a day pass without acknowledging your success' that day.

Crying is NOT failing.

richardhomer

Thomas - as you know - I ‘lost’ my wife to mental illness and divorce. I know this is not the same as a bereavement - but it was a loss that I have at times found almost unbearable.

The only thing I can really say, is that the magnitude of your loss IS immense. Your emotions will be intense - perhaps shockingly so. You will feel pain, anger, guilt, relief, loneliness, depression and manifold others - this is normal.

You will be emotionally and physically exhausted right now. There will be a point in the future where you start to come to terms with your new reality - I’ve no idea how long it will take because everyone is different - but eventually you will. But part of getting there is living through the emotional rollercoaster. 

As others have said - keep posting about things - being able to share how you’re feeling will help. 

I hope these thoughts don’t sound too direct...

thomasross20

Guys, I do read and appreciate your messages.. so don't think because I don't reply to each one that I don't. I just realised I will never smell her scent again. 

joeyowen

The thing about memories is that they are embedded in the past by their very nature.

But, what they also do is shape your future. They create you as a person, and the outlook on your future and your attitude towards everything. 

I don't expect any words to change anything at the moment, but I hope they will help one day.

You still have so much. It'll never fill your loss, but it will create distraction and purpose 

thomasross20

I need to immediately back up all photos and videos to the cloud, or at least store a physical copy in another location.. incase I ever get burgled and I lose it all... 

ICBM

thomasross20 said:

I need to immediately back up all photos and videos to the cloud, or at least store a physical copy in another location.. incase I ever get burgled and I lose it all... 

Do this NOW!

Sorry to be boring at a time like this, but it's critical - if you lose those through not being paranoid enough about data backup you will never forgive yourself.

If you need a spare hard drive and/or somewhere to keep it I have a couple of old ones I would be happy to lend you the use (and storage, if you don't have anywhere else convenient) of.

Alnico

I'll send you a blank DVD if you like and you can burn them all to that and send it back.
I'll keep it safe for you mate.
Think of it as a back up back up

thomasross20

I'm thinking of will get another HDD but I need to gather everything and check file size. I'm taking terabytes of info, I'm sure...

Alnico

A DVD holds 750GB I think.

tone1

I use the ‘Freeprints’ app which gives you 45 photo’s free every month which you can have made as a book for a few quid or you just pay postage.
I choose a few photo’s to have a hard copy of incase of PC meltdown. 

ToneControl

ICBM said:

thomasross20 said:

I need to immediately back up all photos and videos to the cloud, or at least store a physical copy in another location.. incase I ever get burgled and I lose it all... 

Do this NOW!

Sorry to be boring at a time like this, but it's critical - if you lose those through not being paranoid enough about data backup you will never forgive yourself.

If you need a spare hard drive and/or somewhere to keep it I have a couple of old ones I would be happy to lend you the use (and storage, if you don't have anywhere else convenient) of.

I am just backing everything up onto a new 6TB USB drive today for this very reason
You need:
2 x external USB drive large enough to back everything to = A & B
1 x external  USB or NAS drive as well = C

set a backup job to back to the NAS/USB drive C
manually copy everything to both the other drives A & B
take A to someone else's house, or lock it in a box in the garage or shed
every month or two, copy everything manually to whichever of A&B is in the house, then go and swap them
If possible, use encryption on A&B, or lock them in a firesafe in the garage

I went through every type of tape back up at home, travan, DAT, then DVDs, rubbish SAN

My worst problem was when I was running my main disks as a mirrored pair, and the nightly backup was the month end full back up, that deleted the incrementals. Something went wrong in the machine on Christmas Day at 2am, and both mirrors were corrupted, during the monthly full backup. I had to go back to old copies on external drives from 6 months previously.
Lots of lessons learned there. Luckily it was just time that was lost, since this was before digital cameras were popular, so the pictures "lost" were scans of negatives I still had

Learn from my experience: run a daily backup, and have 2 straight copies, one off-site, one on-site
There are other more professional regimes, but overkill for domestic use I think