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http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n219/rocktron1948/Joke3-1.jpg
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Oi, who are yeh lookin' at?
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
A mummy was discovered covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe its a Pharoah Rocher.
Nanny Mac Lee
She approached him, smiled and said,
He replied, “That’s a beautiful name,
She answered,
She then asked, “What’s your name?”
He answered, . . . . . . . “Bob Titsengolf” .
Your life will improve when you realise it’s better to be alone than chase people who do not really care about you. Saying YES to happiness means learning to say NO to things and people that stress you out.
https://www.facebook.com/grahame.pollard.39/
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat knock on their front door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it is 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time”, he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" asks his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed", says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night when we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick up the kids from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on a stranger’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk", says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife, "he needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . ..
…….and the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your kid's swing."
#InStitches
:):)
Billy Connolly used this as his final gag on his show on a tour about 10 years ago. Saw him at Hammersmith. And before telling it, he asked the audience not to shout out the punchline (originally "Over here - on the swing" and the guy wasn't drunk). Really sad to hear a great comedian past his best, admitting that he was using really old material...
https://i.imgur.com/aPuQym3.jpg