Friday humour

GSPBASSES

A lady failed the driving test 4 times. At the fifth attempt, she was determined to pass. But the test had the same question : "You are driving at 60mph. On your right is a wall, on your left is a cliff. On the road, you see an old man and a young man. What will you hit ?". The woman walked up to the examiner and said, "I've answered this question in all four ways, wall, cliff, young man, old man. Yet I failed all the four times. How is this possible? What am I supposed to hit ????"

 

 

Examiner : "The brakes!!!"

vale

  

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boogieman

A worker at the sorting office finds a letter that's been kicked out of the automatic sorting machine. It is just addressed in spidery writing "To God". Intrigued, he opens it and reads it. 

Dear God. I have never asked you for anything in all my 90 years on earth but I'm so desperate that you are my last hope. Yesterday my electricity was cut off because I couldn't pay my bill. I have invited my best friend Doris over for tea at the weekend. Doris hasn't been well at all lately and is expected to die before too long and this will be my last chance to cook her favourite cake for her. Please God, would you send me £100 to pay my bill, I so want to treat my oldest and dearest friend before she leaves this world. 
Yours
Ethel Smith, 10 Lavender Lane. 

The worker is so moved by the letter that he reads it to his colleagues. They have a whip round and raise £95 and post it to Ethel anonymously. 

A week later another To God letter arrives. The workers all gather round to hear it being read out, feeling warm and happy about their good deed. 

Dear God. Thank for so much for the money. I paid my bill and cooked Doris's favourite cake. We had such a lovely time together, I can't explain how much this meant to me. Sadly Doris died last night but I will always remember that special day and how much you helped me in my hour of need.

Ethel. 

PS There was £5 missing from your letter. I expect those thieving fuckers down at the sorting office have had it. 

Hootsmon

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Fretwired

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