With props to @exocet who posted this:
recalling a quip from Miles Hunt of the Wonderstuff at a gig in the early 90's. In response to an agitated member of the audience throwing things at the band, Miles retorted with "Don't bother chucking that at me, I'm a rock star and I've got 10 of everything you've got".
Mine is Michael Hutchence @ Wembley who told the crown not to ‘ throw things as it’s fucking stuipid’ And received an Apple launched from halfway right is the niagras for his trouble.
what funny quips or heckles can you add?
An official Foo liked guitarist since 2024
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I played (bass) on the acoustic stage at a local festival just before the headline act went on, the aforementioned Miles Hunt.
By the time we finished there were at best half a dozen people watching, and as I left the stage I said to him "We've got them nicely warmed up for you".
To his credit, he laughed.
To match your second story, I saw Gary Moore supporting Marillion at Milton Keynes Bowl, and he got very annoyed by people chucking things, he said something like "if anyone throws another bottle, we're off" and seconds later was hit squarely on the guitar by a football. They stayed on.
At the same gig there was an ambulance which passed across in front of the stage in a hail of plastic bottles, and a friend of mine was struck by half a roast chicken, which came at him out of the sun and hit him on the head. Also a bloke who spent the whole afternoon drinking in the hot sun, and fell asleep just as Marillion came on, sleeping through most of their set.
He was combative with the audience from the start, and not in a funny way, but a "I'm better than you, you plebs" way. Singularly unfunny, got heckled, threw his toys out of the pram and ended the show by singling out a woman who had light-heartedly heckled him a couple of times by saying nastily "and YOU..... (points), You're just a spiteful cunt" then walked off stage.
What a monumental bell end.
Chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them
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Also at Wildhearts at Download in 2008, the Band before (Biffy Clyro maybe?) were being bottled off stage, so when Wildhearts came on they went with it.. Started challenging everyone to throw things at them too. Made jokes about getting the next band bottled too (Who's on after us? Who? Children of Bottom? Hmm.. not sure they need any more bottles). In the end everything not nailed down was thrown up on stage. They were catching it and throwing back while playing. The set was cut short as the crowd started trying to throw the sound booth up on stage. My mates mobile phone also got caught by Ginger.
Still one of my all time favourite gigs.
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
"He was combative with the audience from the start, and not in a funny way, but a "I'm better than you, you plebs" way. Singularly unfunny, got heckled, threw his toys out of the pram and ended the show by singling out a woman who had light-heartedly heckled him a couple of times by saying nastily "and YOU..... (points), You're just a spiteful cunt" then walked off stage."
I was at the comedy store years ago where Phil Jupitus dies on his backside and kept arguing with the crowd and threatening to have the security staff kick peoples teeth out. He slunk off at the end and I was near the side and he said to someone "well that was a f''''''ing disaster!"
Anyway the band commented about the noise being hard for some people and someone waved the cotton wool, Andy Piercy proclaimed "you'll not get all that in your ear luv".
Strange how incidents like that stick in the mind for decades.
I also witnessed the infamous Daphne & Celeste Leeds Festival performance - I never knew so many bottles of urine could exist !
As for "when am I ready?" You'll never be ready. It works in reverse, you become ready by doing it. - pmbomb
The Heavy Kids, a London based band were supporting Deep Purple.
They walked on Stage and were ready to play their first song but they had some issues with the guitarists amp. So, in an effort to keep 3,500 punters attention, Gary Holton, their singer, grabs the microphone and shouts out in an aggressive Cockney accent.. .... .
'Alright ya bunch of Scottish Cunts'!!!! ?? '
Big Mistake - never seen as much stuff thrown at a stage ever.... Bottles, boots, bits of seats..... The Band left the stage without playing a note !! Brilliant.
Guitarist in response to singer being spat at 'Hey you f**kers, if you want to spit? Spit at me!'
Cue him disappearing in a hail of green phlegm that was literally dripping off him. Absolutely rank, there are some dirty bastards out there.