No really they absolutely terrify the life out of me, well the thought of having some of my own.
Mrs_MD basically wants kids and I REALLY have no desire to have any. We met 9 years ago and have been married for 6 through that entire time I've moved from I don't know if I want kids to I don't want kids.
I don't want to force my wife to go without knowing the 'joys' of kids (as other people put it). But I also don't believe in having kids to 'keep her happy' as it won't be fair on either of us or the child.
A friend of mine didn't want any kids but let her husband talk Her into it firmly believing everyone who said her maternal instincts would kick in when it was her own. Guess what though? They haven't and its causing issues in their marriage.
I guess I'm just too selfish, childish (take your pick). But I like life with just us and don't want it to change. I'm not sure about the point of this post and have stared at it for the last 5 mins thinking I should just delete it.
Anyone else scared of having kids/not want to have kids? it's driving me crazy.
For some perspective I'm 34 and Mrs_MD is 32. She'd like to try for kids in the next 18 months. I'm close to strapping myself on a rocket to the moon.
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Oooooh tricky one! Not sure how you can balance this when each party has widely differing aims.
Me and Mrs have no kids.... never really wanted them enough to take the plunge. We like kids - just never wanted our own. Good thing was we both agreed on that... and still do, many years later.
That said... I know plenty of blokes that didn't want kids... but now have kids and wouldn't change a thing.
Good luck.
i sympathise with that entirely, but it seems like she does want it to change, to change by having kids.
and it's almost certain that her desire will increase and not decrease
I was in a customer's office once... and there was a poster that said something like.
'If you want things to stay the same - things are going to have to change.'
... took me a while to figure out the truth in that.
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Maybe come to a compromise saying you'd both leave it for a year and see if you feel the same then.A lot can change in a year.I was the same as you,never wanted kids,but something just clicked and over a period of months and the urge appeared.
Got two now and they're both great kids,definitely no regrets.
This is very tricky though. It's not like you met 2 years ago, you've been together a long time and it was reasonable for your wife to assume that someday kids would become part of the conversation.
I know you say "I like life with just us and don't want it to change", but what do you imagine would change if a kid arrived? Really, spell it out for yourself. What do you think will happen? (This is not a trick question btw, loads will change, but figuring out what you're instinctively putting a negative slant on will help you and her understand each other.)
I know plenty of folk like this too. Plenty.
Noise, randomness, ballistic uncertainty.
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
1) You've not said why you don't want kids - not as a post it up here so we can shoot it down, but you've not mentioned why here and it might be good to explore that - not necessarily with an audience.
2) See if a dog will do instead.
Personally, I think kids are great, I don't think my other half does...
I was brought up believing people who didn't have kids were self-centred and a bit wierd - what else are parents going to think when they see these people financially solvent with free time and few responsibilities.. eh?
Guess how that worked out?
I have three boys now, want to borrow one? Just to see how you get on? They're small and quite cheap to feed.
And for the record I wouldn't change a thing now (apart from more sound proofingin the house...).
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Unless things change, If your children enter the work place on the average wage, the chances are they will be with you for life - along with their kids. So many of my friends have children approaching their 30s who are unable to afford privately rented accommodation, let alone save for a deposit and secure a mortgage.
The extended family is not always harmonious.