Clare_Bear's smiley happy thread

not_the_dj

Nice one @rocknrolldave In other news I see you won the pedal give-away...hurrah

mike_l

Phil_aka_Pip said:

@mike_l I'm surprised you can stand up after  7 week bender!

Sadly the liquid in question isn't beer.

Yes it's shit

RocknRollDave

not_the_dj said:

Nice one @rocknrolldave In other news I see you won the pedal give-away...hurrah

Thanks, @not_the_dj ; oh and ....I HAVE won the pedal giveaway! Outstanding start to the day!

Sporky

mike_l said:

Sadly the liquid in question isn't beer.

Yes it's shit

Does it improve if you put some gin in it?

mike_l

Sporky said:

Does it improve if you put some gin in it?

Never tried that, why don't I have your foresight oh wise one?

monquixote

The bubba has had her first wooden spoon and saucepan drumming experience

Lixarto

Sporky said: Does it improve if you put some gin in it?

Doesn't everything?

chillidoggy

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft!

 

I just thought you should know.

TTony

mike_l said:

After 7 weeks on nothing but a liquid diet, and 2 on a partial liquid diet, 4 days and I'll be back to a normal diet.

This pleases me greatly.

Congrats Mike - stay healthy

 

monquixote said:

The bubba has had her first wooden spoon and saucepan drumming experience

Have you posted it onto Soundcloud yet??

viz

chillidoggy;11749" said:

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft! I just thought you should know.

Have you posted it onto soundcloud yet?

Sporky

mike_l said:

Sporky said:

Does it improve if you put some gin in it?

Never tried that, why don't I have your foresight oh wise one?

Few people do, to be fair.

monquixote

chillidoggy said:

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft!

 

I just thought you should know.

Probably the wrong thread for that post

@chilidoggy Get a bottle of lactolose. Costs about £3, tastes nice and will make your life a lot less painful.

Sporky

Does that work for everything, or just for mollifying terror-poops?

monquixote

Sporky said:

Does that work for everything, or just for mollifying terror-poops?

It's a modified sugar syrup that has an osmotic effect on your bowels meaning they contain a lot more water with obvious results. 

I suspect companies don't push it because it's dirt cheap and not under any patents, but it's what they tend to give to pregnant women who suffer in this way. 

How much it improves your life will depend on how much you enjoy doing very soft poos.

mike_l

So nothing a good curry and a few beers wouldn't sort then.....

Sporky

monquixote said:

How much it improves your life will depend on how much you enjoy doing very soft poos.

Hmm. So probably good for everyone except Ted Nugent.

monquixote

Sporky said:

Hmm. So probably good for everyone except Ted Nugent.

Does he have some kind of anal fissure fetish?

Sporky

I remember a story of his about driving through some woods somewhere or other and needing to poop, so he pulled over and pooped in the woods. Then some miles later he gets pulled over by a cop who demands he goes back and takes his poop away with him. Ted expresses relief that his meat-rich diet results in very firm stools, making the officer's demand easy to satsify.

As I recall the language used in the original story was somewhat more robust.

Sporky

In lighter news, my new Leatherman has arrived.

Given that I've already got four (and two Gerbers) I thought I should go for something a bit different this time:

https://www.acklandsgrainger.com/images/items/zoom/21HN32_AS01.JPG

There's a sharp bit on one end for cutting seatbelts and a pointy bit on the other for smashing windows. Hopefully it won't see much use.

monquixote

Sporky said:

In lighter news, my new Leatherman has arrived.

Given that I've already got four (and two Gerbers) I thought I should go for something a bit different this time:

https://www.acklandsgrainger.com/images/items/zoom/21HN32_AS01.JPG

There's a sharp bit on one end for cutting seatbelts and a pointy bit on the other for smashing windows. Hopefully it won't see much use.

So the idea is presumably that you pull alongside, smash the window, slice through the seatbelt and then run them off the road?