Facebook Illusion

richardhomer

As a single parent who (to trot out the cliche) 'doesn't get out much', I've used Facebook as a way of keeping in touch extensively over the last few years.

As time goes on, I've found it tends to magnify more what's wrong with my life, than enhance it; lots of 'happy couples', lots of 'family' days out and lots of 'look how much I can spend on lunch' posts - not much in the way of 'actually I feel quite isolated' or 'I can't afford to do that'.

I've disabled my amount tonight, in an effort to wean myself off the addiction.

What are your experiences?

Emp_Fab

I don't use it at all.  Staying in touch with people I've moved on from or naturally drifted away from isn't right.  Screw that.... clinging to the past.  Move forward... make new friends.  It's what we all did before the likes of Facebook.  It's what we're supposed to do.

Roland

There was some research published earlier this year which showed that the average Facebook user feels inadequate and dissatisfied with life because they keep seeing other users boasting about the amazing things they are doing.

Grunfeld

richardhomer said:

I've disabled my amount tonight, in an effort to wean myself off the addiction.

What are your experiences?

I got rid of facebook about three or four years ago and haven't regretted it at all. 

It is full of empty talk.  It's not even the depths of depravity -- at least that might be interesting.

A certain amount of empty talk is okay but facebook filled my life with it.

I do fb for the band; I have no personal account there.  The world turns just fine.

hobbio

I keep in touch with my family and friends who live elsewhere. it works for me. 

Alnico

Anyone who i should still know, i know.

If i don't have their phone number, i guess i won't be speaking to them again.

The people i don't know anymore, i don't know for a good reason.

If the people i know now want to 'Unfriend' me, they can, just don't fucking talk to me anymore, simple.

I honestly couldn't care less who 'Likes' what i do or say.

If someone 'Pokes' me, i'm obliged to poke them back, much harder. 

My Mrs uses Facebook and sometimes she shows me some funny things people have posted on there, she has some genuinely nice friends who she enjoys communicating with and she's happy on there, but she's a very different person to me.

If life crosses my path with someone else's from my past, it's either good or it's bad but if it's meant to be, it will happen, end of.

I recently found an old friend i havn't seen or spoken to in over 20 years right here on this forum. It's great to be back in touch, catch up and remember the past, but it meant more to me to bump into each other by chance than it would if i had gone looking for him.

I realised a long time ago that most people won't like or agree with most of what i say or do so i see no reason to go and have my own life-advert for the world to scrutinise and hope that they validate me.

You know what, i'm actually quite a happy person because of it. My life may not be glitzy and fabulous but it's real and from that i find the really special moments are very rewarding.

ThePrettyDamned

I have a Facebook account, and use it to occasionally message a few distant friends but bar that it never really gets used.

I check it once a week I guess, but that's it. It's just not very exciting.

And you realise how stupid people are when they post claims you can cure cancer with lemon juice because chemotherapy is just another cause for the money spinning machine.

stickyfiddle

I use facebook to keep in touch with those back home but definitely try and keep it on my own terms. Especially somewhere like Dubai  where it's all champagne and palm trees and Ferraris it can get very easy to get lost in a sea of "OMG my life is terrible I'm not doing all this cool shit everyone else is", but you have to remember that (almost) everyone still wakes up looking like shit, feeling like shit and has to go work and do whatever shit it is they do for a living, it's just that noone puts that on fb!

chillidoggy

I use FB but I'm pissed off by the amount of shite that is shared by friends who clearly think some poor bastard getting his car crushed by a drunk lorry driver on a motorway in the Ukraine is worthy of my attention. I really am not interested.

And then we come to the process that is worse than death for some sad individuals: Being "unfriended". Oh my God, we're all going to die.

Lixarto

If you obsess over it then you probably worry about the Frets system here.

It's a communications tool, not a measure of anything significant.

richardhomer

Lixarto;444410" said:

If you obsess over it then you probably worry about the Frets system here.



It's a communications tool, not a measure of anything significant.

Everyone frets about Frets! Don't they?

Iamnobody

I'm not a fan. Full of banal shite, I couldn't give a fuck about what you had for lunch, thanks for checking in 200 miles from home - I'll tell the burglars your gaff is empty.

Oh your having such a good time are? So good that you interupt you good time to post on Facebook?

Oh look my child does what every other little fucker does - isn't he or she wonderful?

Had a good time last with insert friends names - well fucking tell them presumably you have their telephone numbers or will see them again.

I'm going to post 10 positive things everyday - why the fuck would you want to do that?

And don't get me started on narcassistic photos selfies etc.

Facebook is shite. I've mothballed my account for now but a full deletion is imminent.

boogieman

I use Facebook to keep in touch with a couple of friends in France and New Zealand and that's about it. Not bothered about the rest of it as, as said, it's mostly shite or narcissistic nonsense. One of my friends virtually lives on it. She's got very low self esteem and obviously needs the reinforcement of Likes for her constant stream of selfies. Sad really.

Flink_Poyd

I used it for keeping in touch with family when I lived abroad. I got sick of people who live in my town who could have quite easily spoken to me when I was back in the UK asking to friend me or whatever it is, get fucked I'm not interested in what you had for dinner.

mart

Wow. Personally I've got a bit of a love/hate relationship with facebook. I've lived in a lot of different places, so have many friends who are geographically remote, and Facebook is good for hearing what they're up to. My problem is that sometimes life here is so bad that I find I'm living vicariously on what other people are doing.

But I'm puzzled by the negativity on this thread. This place and facebook aren't that different. Do we get pissed off when someone boasts on here about the new guitar they've bought? Certainly I reckon a lot of jealousy (I'm sorry, I mean GAS) is provoked by those posts, and by the threads about my huge pedalboard or my guitar collection.

Am I the only one who, when seeing a post on facebook, by one of my friends, about their nice lunch, thinks "oh, that's nice that my friend is having a good time?"

Iamnobody

I used to use it for sharing photos with family. Now we all have whats app there is no need.

Richard, are you content with life before you log on?

The grass is rarely greener on t'other side and for all you know these 'friends' who document their lives on Facebook could be desperately unhappy inside.

Some of the most content well rounded individuals I know don't even have a Facebook account and have no intention of signing up.

MtB

My attempt at using Facebook lasted all of 3 months. I found that I couldn't be arsed to tell the world what I've been doing every week, and I couldn't stand reading the drivel about who did what when they went shopping last Saturday, or what a great time they just had visiting Alton Towers. 

The friends that I've gathered over the past 50 odd years largely remain my friends. Some I see on a regular basis, some once a year, some once every few years, some every 5 + years. I don't get hung up about not getting in touch, and neither to they. 

I communicate with some via email, for others it's a short summary in a Christmas card.

I met up with some friends this year that I hadn't seen in 25 years, and had a wonderful evening. Our only means of communication in this time has been the yearly Christmas card.   

Fuzzdog

I deleted about 95% of my contact list on Facebook a couple of years ago, and now I keep it to just fairly close friends and certain family.  It's actually pretty useful then, as nobody on my list tends to post the sort of useless balls that clutters up most of Facebook.

richardhomer

Iamnobody;444471" said:

Richard, are you content with life before you log on?

The grass is rarely greener on t'other side and for all you know these 'friends' who document their lives on Facebook could be desperately unhappy inside.

Life has its challenges - I've been divorced for six or seven years and I don't interact with people as much as I'd like - I am somewhat isolated as I inferred in my original post.

I'm not in any way jealous of those who are having a more fulfilled time than me - I'm very happy for them. It's just I perhaps don't want to draw the comparison between my current life experience and theirs too frequently.

boogieman

^ I found the most interesting thing about FB is how people you think you know reasonably well slowly reveal their true selves, especially when it comes to politics and/or racist/religious group attitudes. I had a huge cull at one point too, some of the shite posted round the time of the Lee Rigby murder was appalling. I just keep it down to a few people that I can't contact easily in other ways now.

lloyd

richardhomer;29587" said:

As a single parent who (to trot out the cliche) 'doesn't get out much', I've used Facebook as a way of keeping in touch extensively over the last few years.

As time goes on, I've found it tends to magnify more what's wrong with my life, than enhance it; lots of 'happy couples', lots of 'family' days out and lots of 'look how much I can spend on lunch' posts - not much in the way of 'actually I feel quite isolated' or 'I can't afford to do that'.

I've disabled my amount tonight, in an effort to wean myself off the addiction.

What are your experiences?

If it's makng you unhappy then you've sone the right thing getting rid, but take people's posts with a pinch of salt-not many people are posting about the shit in their lives.

Posts about those amazing happy family days out leave out all the bickering, arguments between mum and dad etc.

It's a very stylised version of someone's life that goes up there in many cases.

I love facebook for sharing photos of my friends and family and organising meeting groups of people. I live away from my hometown so find it easier than texting/phoning people.

Used properly it's a great tool, if you keep loads of 'friends' who just bitch and moan you're using it incorrectly IMO (not aimed at the OP).