Do you wear a mask?

monquixote

RocknRollDave said:

That's really interesting. Speaking with someone recently who regretted doing something which had caused a lot of hurt, they said to me "I don't know what I was thinking, it's just not me to do something like that"..  which of course is double-think, unfortunately, because you DID do it, ergo it IS something you would do. I get what he was saying, but I think a certain element of it is distancing yourself from the action and hence the blame.

Yeah that's a perfect example. The author (can't remember which book it was unfortunately) would say that you have suddenly realised that you've done something that challenges your perception of yourself so rather than deal with it you've decided it's ok because it wasn't the "real you" except it was because you did it. 

Hertz32

See, generally I think I'm a confidentish person but I think I still have anxiety issues. I've met people recently and not had problems with it, except for one occasion where I was in a group of maybe 15 people I didnt know and went bowling with them. I then had a huge anxiety issue that entire evening and had a horrible time.

That was about 2 months ago, I'd been absolutely fine since then until 45 mins ago when I had to give a presentation to 6 people and nearly passed out beforehand, biting my fingers, running my hands through my hair, sweating, couldnt speak or make eye contact and got to the point where I was nearly crying because I was in such a state. Fucking horrible.

So I'm not sure if the confidence is a mask for underlying anxiety, or if - like monquixote suggests - I'm a confident person, because I seem confident and I just break down occasionally.

At any rate, I've spent the time since then feeling awful and I'm not feeling myself in the slightest.

Grunfeld

Hertz32 said:

45 mins ago when I had to give a presentation to 6 people and nearly passed out beforehand, biting my fingers, running my hands through my hair, sweating, couldnt speak or make eye contact and got to the point where I was nearly crying because I was in such a state. Fucking horrible.

That sounds like classic performance anxiety.  Public speaking is a trigger for many people as it happens.  As is stage fright, exam nerves, and so on.

If it bothers you then it might be worth getting it sorted.  CBT with hypnosis has a good track record of evidence for successfully treating performance anxiety.

mike_l

mike_l said:

stickyfiddle said:

I reckon almost everyone has masks, and anyone who says they doesn't is often grumpy and abrasive.

I'm grumpy and abrasive, ad defo wear masks. Not many people actually get to see the real Mike.

 

When I say I wear masks, I really mean, I put a metaphorical* wall round myself, and don't let many get inside.

 

*My one use of a big word for today.

Axe_meister

I did quite a bit of Am dram in my mid 20s early 30s. I was quite a shy person without much confidence.

Acting a different person really helped me become more confident later in life (or at least appear to be).

Deep down I'm probably still a little shy, but I just pretend to be somebody else when I need to be.

Works a treat when I'm having to face the music in front of some CIO/CTO which happens from
time to time.

Flanging_Fred

I always wear a mask. Elf n safety innit?

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb102/flanging_fred/Mobile Uploads/2013-12/B93A500A-18F9-43D4-9707-EBD5377D4BD8_zpsiyet5xxa.jpg

Philly_Q

monquixote said:

RocknRollDave said:

That's really interesting. Speaking with someone recently who regretted doing something which had caused a lot of hurt, they said to me "I don't know what I was thinking, it's just not me to do something like that"..  which of course is double-think, unfortunately, because you DID do it, ergo it IS something you would do. I get what he was saying, but I think a certain element of it is distancing yourself from the action and hence the blame.

Yeah that's a perfect example. The author (can't remember which book it was unfortunately) would say that you have suddenly realised that you've done something that challenges your perception of yourself so rather than deal with it you've decided it's ok because it wasn't the "real you" except it was because you did it. 

That sounds a bit like the classic football manager post-match interview routine:  "Anyone who knows the lad knows he's not that kind of lad".... when the lad in question has just broken someone's leg.

dafuzz

'Masks' are the result of social conditioning. If none of us had masks we'd be running around like feral animals, killing each other for food and mates. To say 'deep down I'm a good person' or whatever is self-delusional bullshit. Even shyness and self-doubt are a form of mask. Think of Freud's concept of the id - we are in essence selfish violent sex fiends; only our masks protect us from each other.

mike_l

Flanging_Fred said:

I always wear a mask. Elf n safety innit?

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb102/flanging_fred/Mobile Uploads/2013-12/B93A500A-18F9-43D4-9707-EBD5377D4BD8_zpsiyet5xxa.jpg

jeez that's scary

VimFuego

dafuzz said:

. If none of us had masks we'd be running around like feral animals, killing each other for food and mates.

erm I thought it was the masks that meant some of us could do just that.

PolarityMan

monquixote said:

I read a book a while ago which said something along the lines of thinking you wear a mask or have an internal persona is just a form of self deception.

For example if you are rude and abrasive to people, but feel that deep down you are a nice person then what evidence are you basing that on. In reality if you act like a dick you're a dick and you are just kidding yourself.

Similarly if you act in a confident way all the time, but don't feel internally that you are a confident person then ultimately you are a confident person because confidence is nothing more than acting in a way that makes people believe you are confident. The internal doubts are just the same thing everybody has. 

It might seem a bit harsh, but I've actually found it quite useful to my thinking about the world.

It's funny reading that my initial reaction was that I totally agree with the "if you act like a dick you are a dick" but disagreed with the "if you act confidently you are confident". 

I think it's because I distinguish between feeling confident and being able to appear confident. I'm pretty sure there are some people who don't have internal doubts at all for example. 

dafuzz

VimFuego said:

dafuzz said:

. If none of us had masks we'd be running around like feral animals, killing each other for food and mates.

erm I thought it was the masks that meant some of us could do just that.

Exactly! Wearing a physical mask actually allows us to strip away the imaginary masks we truly wear. It's all played out in the Jim Carrey masterpiece 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'.

chillidoggy

Flanging_Fred said:

I always wear a mask. Elf n safety innit?

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb102/flanging_fred/Mobile Uploads/2013-12/B93A500A-18F9-43D4-9707-EBD5377D4BD8_zpsiyet5xxa.jpg

That looks like a designer cricket-box.

paul_backskin

I recently discovered I am a massive introvert. I'm not shy, but I have no time for small talk, or people I don't like. I find social gatherings tiring. I prefer solving problems or working on my own. I'm quite happy onstage, or making an arse of myself, but afterwards I don't want to 'mingle' or 'chat'. I'd rather bugger off.

axisus

dafuzz said:

VimFuego said:

dafuzz said:

. If none of us had masks we'd be running around like feral animals, killing each other for food and mates.

erm I thought it was the masks that meant some of us could do just that.

Exactly! Wearing a physical mask actually allows us to strip away the imaginary masks we truly wear. It's all played out in the Jim Carrey masterpiece 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'.

Er ........ Or would that be "the mask"

monquixote

PolarityMan said:

monquixote said:

I read a book a while ago which said something along the lines of thinking you wear a mask or have an internal persona is just a form of self deception.

For example if you are rude and abrasive to people, but feel that deep down you are a nice person then what evidence are you basing that on. In reality if you act like a dick you're a dick and you are just kidding yourself.

Similarly if you act in a confident way all the time, but don't feel internally that you are a confident person then ultimately you are a confident person because confidence is nothing more than acting in a way that makes people believe you are confident. The internal doubts are just the same thing everybody has. 

It might seem a bit harsh, but I've actually found it quite useful to my thinking about the world.

It's funny reading that my initial reaction was that I totally agree with the "if you act like a dick you are a dick" but disagreed with the "if you act confidently you are confident". 

I think it's because I distinguish between feeling confident and being able to appear confident. I'm pretty sure there are some people who don't have internal doubts at all for example. 

I don't think I've ever known anyone well or read a bio of anyone who didn't have some internal doubts. Even someone like Winston Churchill was wracked with doubt and depression.

PolarityMan

monquixote said:

PolarityMan said:

monquixote said:

I read a book a while ago which said something along the lines of thinking you wear a mask or have an internal persona is just a form of self deception.

For example if you are rude and abrasive to people, but feel that deep down you are a nice person then what evidence are you basing that on. In reality if you act like a dick you're a dick and you are just kidding yourself.

Similarly if you act in a confident way all the time, but don't feel internally that you are a confident person then ultimately you are a confident person because confidence is nothing more than acting in a way that makes people believe you are confident. The internal doubts are just the same thing everybody has. 

It might seem a bit harsh, but I've actually found it quite useful to my thinking about the world.

It's funny reading that my initial reaction was that I totally agree with the "if you act like a dick you are a dick" but disagreed with the "if you act confidently you are confident". 

I think it's because I distinguish between feeling confident and being able to appear confident. I'm pretty sure there are some people who don't have internal doubts at all for example. 

I don't think I've ever known anyone well or read a bio of anyone who didn't have some internal doubts. Even someone like Winston Churchill was wracked with doubt and depression.

Actually I thought of another counter example too. Many people appear happy but aren't. In retrospect while the original idea is appealing in its simplicity but doesn't necessarily always apply.

Grunfeld

As it happens I've just remembered those two chuckle heads in the US who got high on booze and gawd knows what and decided to rob a store and, because it wasn't exactly planned, they didn't have any masks.... but hey!  they had a Sharpie so these are the DIY masks they came up with.  How pissed would you have to be?

monquixote

PolarityMan said:

monquixote said:

PolarityMan said:

monquixote said:

I read a book a while ago which said something along the lines of thinking you wear a mask or have an internal persona is just a form of self deception.

For example if you are rude and abrasive to people, but feel that deep down you are a nice person then what evidence are you basing that on. In reality if you act like a dick you're a dick and you are just kidding yourself.

Similarly if you act in a confident way all the time, but don't feel internally that you are a confident person then ultimately you are a confident person because confidence is nothing more than acting in a way that makes people believe you are confident. The internal doubts are just the same thing everybody has. 

It might seem a bit harsh, but I've actually found it quite useful to my thinking about the world.

It's funny reading that my initial reaction was that I totally agree with the "if you act like a dick you are a dick" but disagreed with the "if you act confidently you are confident". 

I think it's because I distinguish between feeling confident and being able to appear confident. I'm pretty sure there are some people who don't have internal doubts at all for example. 

I don't think I've ever known anyone well or read a bio of anyone who didn't have some internal doubts. Even someone like Winston Churchill was wracked with doubt and depression.

Actually I thought of another counter example too. Many people appear happy but aren't. In retrospect while the original idea is appealing in its simplicity but doesn't necessarily always apply.

I think it's intended to apply to personality rather than be applicable to emotional states, but I see what you mean.

I'm remembering a bit more about the book and it makes the point that if you lived in isolation you couldn't really have a personality because personality only exists in relation to other people. 

randomhandclaps

monquixote said:

I suspect you might say

• You have a great need for other people to like and admire you.
  
• You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.
  
• You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.
  
• While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.
  
• Your sexual adjustment has presented problems for you.
  
• Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside.
  
• At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.
  
• You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.
  
• You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof.
  
• You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.
  
• At times you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved.
  
• Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic.
  
• Security is one of your major goals in life.
  

I haven't had the time to get around to reading this thread up until now.  I think these points are incredibly accurate and I think it is and extremely rare human being.  Perhaps arguably psychopathic or at least incredibly narcissistic.

. 

monquixote said:

I read a book

FFS!  OK, now you're just showing off.