Ways to annoy your wife, what works for you?

jonnyburgo

I've learned that during a argument she'll say "well are you going to defend yourself then?" then when I do I'm being all "defensive" Can't win, its best just to agree even if you don't. You can never win, besides that I lose interest halfway through the argument just as she is getting revved up.

Drew_TNBD

Me and the missus don't really argue. I've managed to brow beat her to the point of nearly committing ritual suicide.

crunchman

Eating.  Apparently I eat too noisily.

Farting.

Complaining when she has "tidied" something so I can't find it.

Flanging_Fred

Punching her hard in the face while she is sleeping.

She's pretty irritable all day after I do that.

Phil_aka_Pip

crunchman said:

Complaining when she has "tidied" something so I can't find it.

That used to happen with the gf. Also happens if my mum comes to visit. Mum will say "Look at the state of <insert domestic area of choice>" and I'll say "Mum, it wasn't a problem until you showed up"

dano

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".

Phil_aka_Pip

dano said:

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".

I have to say similar to my mum when she rings me up. Except I have to do it gently because she is an old lady and it would be unkind to give her hassle over it.

axisus

dano said:

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".

Ha ha, I get that! I do a fast circular motion with my hand as if to say "wind forward to the point!". 

Women just have too many words in them.

chillidoggy

Sitting on my arse doing fuck-all if she's doing something like cleaning or tidying, which is most of the time. She hates it when she's working, and no-one else is.

I then continue to sit on my arse for as long as possible in order to antagonise her even more. It's childish, I know, but there you go.

dano

axisus;773029" said:

dano said:

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".





Ha ha, I get that! I do a fast circular motion with my hand as if to say "wind forward to the point!". 

Women just have too many words in them.

Fast circular motion ? It's like you are reading my mind ! I do that too.

dano

The other thing i do is when the story has been going on for more than 20 seconds is say "do you want to stop and compose yourself and then tell me what it is you are trying to say". That always goes down well !

chillidoggy

Turning the tables, she really grinds my gears when she asks me something, and then I have to repeat the answer four times. By way of an example:-

Her "Have you put the passports in your bag?"

Me "Yes."

Her "Are you sure?"

Me "Yes."

Her "But they weren't in the drawer when I looked."

Me "Yes, that's because I put them in my bag."

Her "Are you sure you put them in your bag?"

Me "AAAAAARRRGH, of course I'm fucking sure, how many more times do I have to tell you?!"

Her "Well I'm just making sure."

Four times. Why is it ALWAYS four times? If my son witnesses this, he stands there counting one.........two........three.........aaaand four.

Teetonetal

I find either when i agree with her or disagree with her some special kind of insane reverse logic magic happens that makes everything my fault. For a while i took to being silent. But that makes me an arsehole apparently.

DesVegas

My wife is polish, which makes her a pretty hardy/forgiving sort.  I'm very lucky really, i have had girlfriends in the past that would be upset with me because i wouldn't argue with them

Grunfeld

DesVegas said:

My wife is polish, which makes her a pretty hardy/forgiving sort.  I'm very lucky really, i have had girlfriends in the past that would be upset with me because i wouldn't argue with them

You win.  Has she got an unmarried sister?

jd0272

dano;772991" said:

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".

chillidoggy;773050" said:

Sitting on my arse doing fuck-all if she's doing something like cleaning or tidying, which is most of the time. She hates it when she's working, and no-one else is.I then continue to sit on my arse for as long as possible in order to antagonise her even more. It's childish, I know, but there you go.

Yip to both.

Must be a 'bloke thing'.

Sarge

axisus;773029" said:

dano said:

Half way through her telling me something i say "get to the point".





Ha ha, I get that! I do a fast circular motion with my hand as if to say "wind forward to the point!". 

Women just have too many words in them.

Yep, me too, but I do it in the style of Simon Pegg in Spaced" skip to the ennnd" that way I can use humour as a defence when she gets irate, it helps that she knows the quote/loves the show.

BigBearKris

If I grab her ass, or slap it.

They should love that kind of appreciation

shady

A wetted finger inserted downwardly into the exposed butt crack whilst she is bent over looking for stuff/cleaning/whatever is a good 'un.

Drew_TNBD

shady said:

A wetted finger inserted downwardly into the exposed butt crack whilst she is bent over looking for stuff/cleaning/whatever is a good 'un.

http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/uploads/userpics/308/p15VWG88VTVW2.jpg