So, the wife is upset with me.
We had our first child 5 months ago and essentially the issue is a 'push present' (I hate american nonsense that comes to the UK). I bought her a very nice watch while she was pregnant (she suffered with morning sickness quite badly and I thought it would cheer her up) on the basis that it was a general pregnancy/push present.
I am now obviously in trouble for not having bought her a present since she has had the baby. I have done a few nice things since. I'm sure I have bought her flowers, organised a really nice birthday for her and she went away for two nights so i practically pulled two all-nighters to completely re-decorate the house.
But ignoring right or wrong in the argument, what do I do to mend the damage? I asked about organising something or buying her another present but I think the responses were "there's no point now I have had to ask" and "it will just be reminder of how bad a husband you are...". I think she sort of apologised for the last one this morning as it was a bit over the top (or so far over the top she couldn't see the top anymore).
Do I just organise/buy something anyway?
I'm really struggling with fatherhood enough as it is, so could do with getting this under the bridge as soon as possible.
Comments
Talk to her about it. Presents won't fix that.
I’m so bored I might as well be listening to Pink Floyd
I'd talk to her about it in a non confrontational way. After all, we wouldn't want this to become a big rift.
Keep an eye on things and make sure you two keep talking and keep it positive.
It's probably the thing a woman with a baby wants more than anything in the world - just less stress and constant work.
(I was the main carer for my kids when my wife went back to work after six months, so I do know something about this .)
If you're doing all that already, try finding out what's getting her down - it could be as simple as housework and chores, on top of the extra baby stuff. If you can do more of that she'll probably thank you more than for any present, which it sounds like she doesn't really want now.
"Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski
"Only two things are infinite - the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
I'd be more inclined to wait for a quiet moment, and tell her that you're worried that the two of you have lost your equilibrium lately, and that you want to see what both of you can do to get it back.
As @not_the_dj says, though, there's a non-zero chance that she's suffering from "baby brain" (or whatever the official term is for a bit of depression after giving birth). Worth noting that if you even mention that, all prospects of it being a constructive conversation will go out of the window.
Spending time is for me at least better than spending money.
But if she's grumpy you haven't bought her something shiny, she's either a bit of a tit, or perhaps being a bit post natally depressed
Little one is 11m now, I was in the doo doo at month 3-4 I recall.
The whole push present thing was totally news to me, the fact I didn't get into trouble about it till month 3 makes me suspect it was news to her too. The whole "you obviously don't care" card cut deep, I think it's a very difficult point, she's gone through one of the most emotionally and physically demanding events a human can do, prob feeling a little empty ( no pun intended) a little isolated and needs a bit of reassurance.
The whole 'new baby' thing has stopped, people prob don't stop to coo over little one in the street anymore, health visitors have stopped, no more jabs, she's prob feeling abandoned, especially if you are back at work.
If she's breastfeeding no wine either!!!!
id suggest get someone to look after little one, take her out for lunch ( dinner might remind her about the lack of social nights) make her feel the focus.
Alternatively get grandparents to babysit, cook her her favourite meal, watch her favourite movie ( yes even if it's Ryan Gosling) spend a few moments looking at the no doubt thousands of pictures you have of the three of you, just try to reconnect as a couple, it's so easy to lose focus of each other in the stream of night feeds, nappies, sick ups and lack of sleep.
That in itself is the biggest present you could have given her.
Im not aware of push present myself being a relatively new Dad if it was the norm I would have thought I would...
Have a chat and then ask her for your insemination present. Maybe a new guitar?
5 months is when babies really start being fun, they can recognise you, interact, smile laugh etc.
Try to play a silly game with the three of you, peek a boo or some such.
Take the three of you out to the park or a farm park, get a paddling pool and have a splash.
Sounds like what you could do with is a bit of a break, all of you, change of scenery, day out, anything. and maybe get a babysitter to go out and be just the two of you for a few hours. Does the power of good,
now then, "push present", "date night" - this is what you really need to sort out. This nonsense language. We've never had date nights, not really into dates, prunes all that. The idea of sitting around eating loads of them makes me feel a bit iffy. We do however like to go out for a few drinks, no kids, maybe have a meal. Even a couple of hours down the pub will be good. These are the things that make you feel normal again, even if its short lived, and you need to do them regularly.
I think you need to speak to your wife about it because it seems to me like she may be struggling emotionally. No shame in that. Being a parent is hard! You may also need to consider getting professional advice but the first step is finding it whether you need it.
Good luck.
A fucking CHILD!
Whilst I can sympathise with the OP's situation and at the risk of hijacking the thread the one thing that winds me up about this is the name "push present".
What a terrible name that I really hope does not become a recognised part of our English language.
Where has this originated from? Ok for sure traditionally in years gone buy you got married, had a baby and then presented your wife with an eternity ring so in itself it's not a completely new idea but this notion and the name of it does not sit comfortably with me.
I really hope the OP and his respective other half sort this out though. He certainly comes across as a very decent chap who will do all he can to make his family happy and I salute him for this.
Right, I'm off for a push present, I'm taking the paper.......
That vindaloo may taste awesome on the way in, but it's gonna ruin you on the way out.
After 24 hours of my gf screaming and pushing, and no pain relief, ending in suction cup and scissors ( yes for cutting down there) my end of the deal seemed pretty sweet.
FTFY
(sorry couldn't resist)
@gubble much appreciated. The toughest part is knowing you are doing everything you can but its not always enough/appreciated.
We will be fine. We are normally pretty strong. You guys have made me realise we probably need to make more time for each other and just get our heads out of baby life more often. That will hopefully lift both of our moods.