Something I was thinking about yesterday.
I saw my father in law and what always strikes me about him is that he's always going out for coffee with the guy he sat next to at primary school, or someone he worked with for 6 months in 1973.
I am essentially a confident introvert in that I find taking to people and making friends quite easy, but I much prefer being on my own. I'm 40 and I've been with my wife since I was 16 and have 3 kids so I don't have a huge amount of time for socialising.
I on the other hand lost touch with my school friends when I went to university, my university friends when I started my first job, any band mates within 6 months of leaving the band etc. Mostly this is my fault because I'm terrible at keeping in touch with people, sending birthday cards, etc and I don't use social media.
I've been WFH for about the past year and as a result I haven't made any friends in the new job and have started to lose contact with the people from my previous job.
It doesn't really bother me that I don't have any friends, but maybe it should. I actually find it annoying when I do have a group of friends as they are always asking me to do stuff and I usually don't want to.
I'm interested to see how typical this is or if I'm a total weirdo.
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Well to be fair it revolved around getting wasted...go watch football and get wasted....go to a rave/festival and get wasted etc...eventually I tired of it.
Haven't seen most of them for twenty years ( some are dead, some have moved on and others haven't moved on at all, still doing exactly the same things as they were thirty years ago) and to be frank I don't really miss the interaction , quite happy spending time with my wife and daughter, see my mother and father about once a week and my brother every couple of months but that's it.
I can easily count the number of close friends on the fingers of one hand. I prefer it that way.
However, when I went to university I became extremely introverted - I don't really know why, although I could speculate - and barely spoke to anyone for three years. I certainly didn't make any lasting friendships.
Also while I was at university my family moved from Swansea to Hemel Hempstead but I did eventually track them down so I lost contact with the friends from childhood.
Starting work increased my confidence - and ability to function as a human being - a little because I had to spend time with people and get to know them. And there was always work to talk about, if nothing else. I'm still not at all self-confident - I don't like asking questions in shops, or telephoning people I don't know, or asking for directions. I'd never start up a conversation with a stranger. I have become reasonably capable of making small talk - again mostly in work - but I don't seem to be able to make that step up to knowing people really well which seems to come naturally to some.
I'm single, I've always been single and always will be. I've lived on my own since leaving the family home. Now, I do have a handful of friends, mostly people I work with or used to work with - one I've been to all of her weddings, and she's just split up with husband number three! But no-one I really see or talk to regularly - a few times a year at most.
Probably my closest friend is my youngest brother, but in this bloody lockdown we've lost touch a little. No falling-out, not at all, but he has a partner and perhaps he's finding it easier to just get on with life whereas I'm stuck here on my own - which is OK, most of the time, but I am beginning to feel like the walls are closing in and there'll be no end to this.
Not sure I agree that it's harder to make friends as we get older. I think more maturity and broader life experiences can make for the basis of new friendships if desired. Personally though, I find I just don't feel the need (or can't be bothered).
I wonder if, since many of us are of the same demographic, (and with at least one shared interest), the similarity in responses here is not too surprising.
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My social life is much more active now: I'm free to go out for a drink at the drop of a hat, so if I meet someone at work and we get on I'll normally swap numbers and/or go for a quick drink after work. I meet a lot of people that way (friendly and romantically). Oftentimes I won't see them again, but that's as it should be imo
I have a fairly close circle of 4 male friends and we've known each other around 5 years now, although there's been some roster changes in that time. We all met up yesterday actually and while we were out we ran into another friend with his new boyfriend and they were meeting others so it ended up we knew most of the pub by the end
I'm confident I could move to a new city and make friends without problem if I had to. I also think if I got into a serious relationship again I would socialise a lot less, again that's as it should be when you're setting up shop with someone imo
My advice for those looking to be more popular is this: encourage other people to talk about themselves, it's their favourite subject
I will talk to virtually anyone TBH !
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