Do you have loads of friends?

Dopesick

I’ve got 104 friends.

axisus

I'm Billy no mates. No friends. I had two great friendships in my life (at different times) but they both ended up in America and I lost touch with them. I had a great pal all through School but we drifted apart afterwards. I know that we would get on brilliantly now but he is a 3 hour + drive away so it's not that practical.

To be honest, I'm a loner, I always have been. I've been doing 2hr walks during lockdown, just me alone with my thoughts. I have pals at work, not that I get to see them these days. I put that status at a level below 'friend' though, I don't do anything with them outside of work. 

Occasionally I think that it might be nice to have a friend or two to 'do stuff' with, but I'm actually not that bothered. I'm very self-sufficient. I've actually realised late in life that I have a few traits that seem to be 'on the spectrum'. An aversion to foods, some numbers, being with groups of people etc. 

Iamnobody

Dopesick said:

I’ve got 104 friends.

Iamnobody

Growing up I had loads of mates, my house was the meeting point for everyone etc, as a teen I prioritised getting my dick wet over friends and consequently lost a few of my close school mates along the way.

Had a great circle at college and Uni but largely circumstantial. 

I then moved to a new area in my early twenties and didn’t know anyone so have had to rebuild. My wife is a good friend as well and before we started a family we’d spend a lot of time going out together - but personally I need more than just a hybrid wife/friend.

All that said, I’m still in contact with my best mate from primary school, loose contact with another best mate from primary school and a college/uni mate.

I keep in touch with quite a few old workmates going back 20 years - mainly the occasional phone call or WhatsApp message. But, we can and sometimes do meet-up and it’s never awkward - people say I don’t change which hopefully is a good thing. 

A couple of financial ventures have resulted in people I’d never talk to again but another who’s become a good mate, and we’ve opened up our wider circle of mates to each other and all seem get along really well. Weekly quizzes through lockdown etc and going to gigs pre-lockdown.

One of my circle of friends are mainly ex-band mates but we are mostly now working in other parts of the uk and overseas. However, almost daily WhatsApp and occasional gigs and drinks etc when we can it doesn’t feel distant.

I also play competitive sport so have teammates and a club I can pop into and see/chat to people.

I’m really bad at keeping in touch  - I’m not normally the one to instigate meeting up and I rarely pick up a phone just to chat shit.

If I’m honest, on efforts made be me I’m probably lucky to have the social circles that I do have! I also find it definitely gets harder and weirder to befriend people as you get older. 

I’m not one for popping over to someone’s house for a sit down and chat - definitely socially prefer going for a drink, attending a gig or playing sports. 

I have a young family which limits my available time and to a lesser extent money. I couldn’t justify pissing away £50-100 on beer and food every weekend so I don’t go out that regularly and try to make it meaningful when I do - combine drinks and a gig etc. I’m currently cutting down on alcohol so post Covid it’ll be interested how that affects my future social interactions.

I’ve noticed my wife has widened her circle of friends since the kids started school - a few mums get together etc. I haven’t gained that with any of the dads - I wonder if that’s typical?

fields5069

We did the whole circumstantial school mums/dads friend accretion thing. I'm usually torn, as it turns out that the people who are OK to have a drink with, and seem decent, are actually complete twats if you want to go further than skin/beer deep. It is a great way to not be alone in a new town though, or in my case my home town with no one around who I grew up with.

Majorscale

Reading this thread I do wonder if musicians are, percentage-wise, a naturally more introverted group of individuals compared to the general public. After all, our chosen hobby sees a lot of us isolating ourselves for 10,000 hours or so perfecting our craft rather than spending time doing something more social.

I love gigging & performing, and I do presenting for a job, so I come over confident and extrovert in those situations. Off "stage" I can be quiet, introverted and happy with my own company. I have a lot of synergy with the OP.

Giants of popular music culture like Freddie Mercury and Hendrix were naturally shy/introverted creatures. Maybe it's just a more common trait in musicians?!

Lewy

Majorscale said:

Reading this thread I do wonder if musicians are, percentage-wise, a naturally more introverted group of individuals compared to the general public. After all, our chosen hobby sees a lot of us isolating ourselves for 10,000 hours or so perfecting our craft rather than spending time doing something more social.

I love gigging & performing, and I do presenting for a job, so I come over confident and extrovert in those situations. Off "stage" I can be quiet, introverted and happy with my own company. I have a lot of synergy with the OP.

Giants of popular music culture like Freddie Mercury and Hendrix were naturally shy/introverted creatures. Maybe it's just a more common trait in musicians?!

I think there's something to that. On a very practical level, it sets a pretty difficult standard for every day mate interaction type activities to measure up to. So much of my time is spent working and taking care of kids, if I get a spare evening I want to spend that playing the guitar, not doing a fucking pub quiz.

slacker

Friendships that are situational only survive if you (I) make an effort. There are a lot of people that I talk to at work, through music etc but as my job changes or band members realise I'm difficult, those people change. 

Having thought about it I have different kinds of 'friends'. 

Close friends

Family members who are friends and friends who are like family 

Couples friends where we obviously meet as couples 

Semi friends, people at work or any social group that I like, sometimes socialise with outside of the group. 

Neighbours I often talk to but have never socialised with. 

People I know and talk to, I dont always know their name. 

So depending on where one defines 'friend' I have a handful or loads. 

Grunfeld

The Plan:

Majorscale said:

After all, our chosen hobby sees a lot of us isolating ourselves for 10,000 hours or so perfecting our craft...

The Reality:

Major chords? -- check

Minor chords? -- check

Minor pentatonic position #1 -- duh!

Book the gig I'm good to rock!

ewal

chillidoggy said:

After reading these posts, I’m starting to wonder if the internet has made people far less likely to interact in person than before it existed. Which, given current events, may not be a bad idea. 

Not just the internet - the nature of work: offices, one on one with a computer, very little group activity; socialising: everything needs to be scheduled, nothing happens on spur of the moment; people moving for jobs, etc, etc. It really is no wonder so many have learnt to enjoy their own company.

I'm an introvert/extrovert - a loner by default, but absolutely love the camraderie of a big social group which gives me the opportunity to show off and play to the crowd.

I'm absolutely at ease with having very few close friends who are all shite at keeping in touch - i can live 80% of my time in introvert mode. However i  also hate how little opportunity there is nowadays for that wider comradeship and sense of belonging in a larger social group which was more prevalent when I was younger. That's one of the main reasons I do music - seeking that wider social opportunity. My extrovert side so rarely gets to come out these days, I wonder if it's still there...

Teetonetal

These days I don't really have any friends. I am not very sociable and feel a lot more comfortable on my own. Family life takes up all my social headspace and I crave and treasure the times when I can really be on my own.

Stevepage

I've never had a lot of friends. For years I only hung out with my old school friends. Then they went off to Uni again, I got a job with unsociable hours and eventually got into a serious relationship (we've been together 14 years this year). 

Now days I keep in touch with only a few of those old school friends, we hang out once every few months maybe. 

Made a good friend who I met when I joined a band she was in. Everyone else is really friends of the wife.

I don't feel I have friends that I could just phone or text for help or some one to talk to other than my wife. Bit sad really but I don't get to meet many new people, when I do I'm a little awkward as I'm terrible with small talk.

koneguitarist

I have one friend from School, in 78 I left Wales and Joined the RN just 16 and two months, youngest in class. 

The Navy teaches you to make friends and I am lucky I have made plenty, some short term some long term but I am just as happy sitting in a cafe on my own and making small talk with strangers. 

Sassafras

I know a lot of people but not many I'd call on if push comes to shove, especially since most of my good friends all live abroad.
This Covid thing has seriously curtailed my social life.

steveledzep

I've been married to my best friend for the last 42 years.

hollywoodrox

I’ve got some good friends but a lot of the time I want to be on my own or feel Íll or depressed was an only child so very used to being alone , one of my friends is a bit of a pain but a good bloke  but gets on my nerves , I really just want to be on my own for extended periods of time a lot , plus I have the worry of people not understanding and thinking I’m just a c**t . Trouble is everybody thinks I’m great and happy and nothings wrong , when really  it’s a slog to get through the day and you wish you didn’t wake up in the morning . Music is a saviour though 

WiresDreamDisasters

Nearly all of my best friends are 20 years older than me. Don't know what that says!!

I've got a lot of friends, but I too like alone time. It's a balancing act for sure.

Teyeplayer

I think I probably fit into the outline @roland identified. 

I’ve 3 mates from school I’m still in contact with (two are regular contact, one I’ll see every year or so but always pick up where we left off). I’ve a couple of close mates from my 20s who I can call in at the drop of a hat and a couple of close friends through the music. That handful of 7-8, is then surrounded by a wider circle of a dozen fairly good friends and then we move out to the work based circle of about 40-50 and then wider acquaintances which I guess would amount to around 100. 

I must say I always feel very blessed to have the handful of close friends that are still there, I know many people lose that inner circle over time.

Tex Mexico

When I was a teenager I had dozens of friends across five or six different friend groups from school, bands, drinking/partying friends and so on. This continued at uni where I made loads of new friends, some very good ones. 

I had a 9-year relationship with an extremely toxic person who through her neediness and control freakery made it impossible for me to retain most of those friendships. She was insanely jealous so being friends with women was out, and if she didn't like my male friends (i.e. most of them) she would refuse to be around them, which as she insisted on being around me 100% of the time meant they had to go.

Now my best friend is someone I knew for years before but only really struck up with when he joined my band 10 years ago. He's the closest I have to would-hide-a-body-with, but even so we're both quite reserved people and we don't have a touchy-feely rapport at all. I have a few other friends but I'm not especially close with any of them. I find it very difficult now to form new friendships as I don't meet a lot of people except through work and I find it very difficult to let my guard down.

My wife is the only person I'm ever 100% open with. She's amazing at making friends sometimes to a fault (she suffers fools, basically), so most of my social interactions are with her friends.

Kilgore

Only acquaintances these days.

My family moved quite often when I was young so I've never had any long term friends from childhood. 

 I had a small group of close friends in uni but have lost touch. A couple of them I could have called on to help dispose of a body. It's a shame really, the digging is difficult by yourself and it helps to have someone to hold the torch.