It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Subscribe to our Patreon, and get image uploads with no ads on the site!
Base theme by DesignModo & ported to Powered by Vanilla by Chris Ireland, modified by the "theFB" team.
Comments
To be honest, I'm a loner, I always have been. I've been doing 2hr walks during lockdown, just me alone with my thoughts. I have pals at work, not that I get to see them these days. I put that status at a level below 'friend' though, I don't do anything with them outside of work.
Occasionally I think that it might be nice to have a friend or two to 'do stuff' with, but I'm actually not that bothered. I'm very self-sufficient. I've actually realised late in life that I have a few traits that seem to be 'on the spectrum'. An aversion to foods, some numbers, being with groups of people etc.
Growing up I had loads of mates, my house was the meeting point for everyone etc, as a teen I prioritised getting my dick wet over friends and consequently lost a few of my close school mates along the way.
Had a great circle at college and Uni but largely circumstantial.
I then moved to a new area in my early twenties and didn’t know anyone so have had to rebuild. My wife is a good friend as well and before we started a family we’d spend a lot of time going out together - but personally I need more than just a hybrid wife/friend.
All that said, I’m still in contact with my best mate from primary school, loose contact with another best mate from primary school and a college/uni mate.
I keep in touch with quite a few old workmates going back 20 years - mainly the occasional phone call or WhatsApp message. But, we can and sometimes do meet-up and it’s never awkward - people say I don’t change which hopefully is a good thing.
A couple of financial ventures have resulted in people I’d never talk to again but another who’s become a good mate, and we’ve opened up our wider circle of mates to each other and all seem get along really well. Weekly quizzes through lockdown etc and going to gigs pre-lockdown.
One of my circle of friends are mainly ex-band mates but we are mostly now working in other parts of the uk and overseas. However, almost daily WhatsApp and occasional gigs and drinks etc when we can it doesn’t feel distant.
I also play competitive sport so have teammates and a club I can pop into and see/chat to people.
I’m really bad at keeping in touch - I’m not normally the one to instigate meeting up and I rarely pick up a phone just to chat shit.
If I’m honest, on efforts made be me I’m probably lucky to have the social circles that I do have! I also find it definitely gets harder and weirder to befriend people as you get older.
I’m not one for popping over to someone’s house for a sit down and chat - definitely socially prefer going for a drink, attending a gig or playing sports.
I have a young family which limits my available time and to a lesser extent money. I couldn’t justify pissing away £50-100 on beer and food every weekend so I don’t go out that regularly and try to make it meaningful when I do - combine drinks and a gig etc. I’m currently cutting down on alcohol so post Covid it’ll be interested how that affects my future social interactions.
I’ve noticed my wife has widened her circle of friends since the kids started school - a few mums get together etc. I haven’t gained that with any of the dads - I wonder if that’s typical?
My feedback thread is here.
I love gigging & performing, and I do presenting for a job, so I come over confident and extrovert in those situations. Off "stage" I can be quiet, introverted and happy with my own company. I have a lot of synergy with the OP.
Giants of popular music culture like Freddie Mercury and Hendrix were naturally shy/introverted creatures. Maybe it's just a more common trait in musicians?!
Having thought about it I have different kinds of 'friends'.
Close friends
Family members who are friends and friends who are like family
Couples friends where we obviously meet as couples
Semi friends, people at work or any social group that I like, sometimes socialise with outside of the group.
Neighbours I often talk to but have never socialised with.
People I know and talk to, I dont always know their name.
So depending on where one defines 'friend' I have a handful or loads.
The Reality:
I'm an introvert/extrovert - a loner by default, but absolutely love the camraderie of a big social group which gives me the opportunity to show off and play to the crowd.
I'm absolutely at ease with having very few close friends who are all shite at keeping in touch - i can live 80% of my time in introvert mode. However i also hate how little opportunity there is nowadays for that wider comradeship and sense of belonging in a larger social group which was more prevalent when I was younger. That's one of the main reasons I do music - seeking that wider social opportunity. My extrovert side so rarely gets to come out these days, I wonder if it's still there...
Now days I keep in touch with only a few of those old school friends, we hang out once every few months maybe.
Made a good friend who I met when I joined a band she was in. Everyone else is really friends of the wife.
I don't feel I have friends that I could just phone or text for help or some one to talk to other than my wife. Bit sad really but I don't get to meet many new people, when I do I'm a little awkward as I'm terrible with small talk.
This Covid thing has seriously curtailed my social life.
I've got a lot of friends, but I too like alone time. It's a balancing act for sure.
I had a 9-year relationship with an extremely toxic person who through her neediness and control freakery made it impossible for me to retain most of those friendships. She was insanely jealous so being friends with women was out, and if she didn't like my male friends (i.e. most of them) she would refuse to be around them, which as she insisted on being around me 100% of the time meant they had to go.
Now my best friend is someone I knew for years before but only really struck up with when he joined my band 10 years ago. He's the closest I have to would-hide-a-body-with, but even so we're both quite reserved people and we don't have a touchy-feely rapport at all. I have a few other friends but I'm not especially close with any of them. I find it very difficult now to form new friendships as I don't meet a lot of people except through work and I find it very difficult to let my guard down.
My wife is the only person I'm ever 100% open with. She's amazing at making friends sometimes to a fault (she suffers fools, basically), so most of my social interactions are with her friends.
My family moved quite often when I was young so I've never had any long term friends from childhood.
I had a small group of close friends in uni but have lost touch. A couple of them I could have called on to help dispose of a body. It's a shame really, the digging is difficult by yourself and it helps to have someone to hold the torch.