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A woman was in court accused of attacking her husband with a guitar.The judge asked "first offender?"The woman replied "no your honor, first a gibson, then a fender"
A clerical error by Death, the Grim Reaper has permitted the Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards to enjoy three decades of life beyond his allotted time on Earth.
‘We just found his collection form down the back of the old desk’ admitted an embarrassed Grim Reaper, ‘he was due to be collected back in 1977, at the pit of a downward spiral of heroin addiction and cocaine use.’ Yet despite the raddled, deathly appearance of the ageing rock star, no-one seemed to notice the bureaucratic oversight, and Richards was permitted to carry on living for thirty years longer than he was supposed to.
‘It’s all very embarrassing…’ said a spokesman for the office of the Grim Reaper, ‘we have apologised to Keith Richards and his family, and said that we will do our best to rectify the situation at the earliest convenient date. Although at the time of speaking, they still haven’t got back to us.’
This is not the first time that the Grim Reaper’s office had let a collection slip through the net. Other major figures well past their death-due-date include Jimmy Carter, Gary Glitter and the IRA informer who was working for the British secret services.
The Grim Reaper’s office explained that the process of converting from a manual to digital indexing system had left a number of individuals disappearing from the records altogether, with the result that they may never be called to meet their maker at all. ‘We can’t seem to locate the file on Lady Thatcher either. It means she will just have to remain on Earth forever, going older and madder, but always ready to return to 10 Downing Street if you ever decide to give her another go.’
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
You're in London...By the Thames, to be exact... There is chaos around you,caused by a hurricane and severe floods. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper caught in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is showing all its destructive fury.
You see a man in the water; he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away with the water and debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.
Suddenly, you know who it is... it's David Cameron!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life. So, you can save the life of David Cameron, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of Europe's most powerful men.
Now, here's the question (please give an honest answer):
Would you select colour film, or rather go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
that reminds of a guy in a Glasgow bar says tae this wee dude ....."I'll bet you 20p I can drink yer whisky over without you seeing me"
"OK" says the wee dude..."go ahead"
Big Glasgow boy drinks it over
wee dude says..." I saw you!"
Glasgow guy says...." here's yer 20p"
via FB: "A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs. "It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again." "Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!" "Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then." "What for?" I asked. He said, "The drugs." I said, "What drugs?" "
Batman my arse it's...........