End of relationship.

BigBearKris

So... my missus and I have decided to part ways. 

We know each other since high school and been together for 9 years. It's been a good one, full of good memories, holidays etc. 
For some time (November last year) we've been drifting apart. No cheating, no abuse - just a regular couple's fight resulted in quiet few weeks, that has turned into sleeping in separate bedrooms - on top of very busy time at work - it was the beginning of the end.
We were very good friends (maybe we still will be, although from my experience it's not a good idea to see your exes) and were like "old married couple" for quite some time. I did actually see us getting old together...

We never had kids - which I guess contributed to it a little bit (I always wanted kids, she couldn't have one) - but we decided that way and never had a disagreement over it. 
We don't have a mortgage together, So there will be no financial drama. Not married either, so it should be quick and easy.
 It's just thinking about moving out and fresh start that freaks me out a bit. I'm not even thinking about getting into another relationship as I am so busy with work that barely have time to socialise, not to mention the depressing effect that will come sooner or later, No doubt. I am 34yo so not decided to give up my life just yet and focus on what I can do to make things better for myself.

Sorry for such a personal and meaningless post, but all my friends and family of course know her as well and  just wanted to vent a bit. 

BRISTOL86

Sorry to hear that. Hope it all works out mate. 

PC_Dave

All the best mate - these things always happen for a reason, and whilst it seems pretty rubbish now and for the short term, long term it will al make sense.

Chin up and maybe buy another guitar. 

BigBearKris

PC_Dave said:

Chin up and maybe buy another guitar. 

Maybe that's an idea... 

Over last couple of years my interest in playing guitar decreased so much that apart from  reading the forum and looking up stuff online I barely touched a guitar.
Maybe it's a good time to start again...

Phil_aka_Pip

Best wishes plus what PC_Dave said. I'm no "relationship expert" but I'm sure that more guitars/amplifiers/FX boxes or recording equipment will make you happier. GAS always does, until you've spent the money

joeyowen

Out of all the cheesy advice I've been given, one that really stuck was:

It's just a closing chapter, it will open another one.

Hated hearing it at the time, but it has been very true.

Sorry to hear it mind, these things are never easy

Dominic

where a door closes .......a window opens

CHRISB50

Sorry to read that. At least you're not at each others throats and things sound sensible.

As joeyowen said, treat this as an exciting new beginning. You never know what is around the corner. Often the good stuff happens in life when you least expect it.

If all else fails, concentrate on the MILF thread

All the best Kris,,,

usedtobe

All the best, man!

BigBearKris

CHRISB50 said:

If all else fails, concentrate on the MILF thread

All the best Kris,,,

Haha, that made me chuckle :-D

Thanks mate - I've neglected those ladies with lack of appropriate attention recently ;-)

Strat_a_tat_tat

Sorry to hear that. I guess moving on can be scary... but also exciting. Good luck with the next chapter.

Strat_a_tat_tat

Dominic said:

where a door closes .......a window opens

Yeah... I must fix that window latch.

axisus

Such is life. Glad to hear that it isn't a mess of finances, children and all that unpleasant stuff. 

steveb

I'm just going through this although we do have a mortgage and a 2 yr old, and I found out that she had been ringing and sending pic msgs to a guy from work, (I work there too) she told me she didn't love me anymore, I agreed we hadn't got on for the past yr and said it was for the best. We were OK til I saw her phone bill and realized this had been going on for a month before she told me. And they were long gone calls!! Most between 30 and 45 mins. Pic msgs were at 11/12 at night, when she went for an early night. She tells me they're just friends but I don't believe her. I feel they took the piss out of me. Sorry! Thread hijack!! I'd love to give u some advice but I can't seem to sort myself out at the min, so I don't think my advice would be worth listening too. I just hope everything works out for u. 

BigBearKris

steveb said:

I'm just going through this although we do have a mortgage and a 2 yr old, and I found out that she had been ringing and sending pic msgs to a guy from work, (I work there too) she told me she didn't love me anymore, I agreed we hadn't got on for the past yr and said it was for the best. We were OK til I saw her phone bill and realized this had been going on for a month before she told me. And they were long gone calls!! Most between 30 and 45 mins. Pic msgs were at 11/12 at night, when she went for an early night. She tells me they're just friends but I don't believe her. I feel they took the piss out of me. Sorry! Thread hijack!! I'd love to give u some advice but I can't seem to sort myself out at the min, so I don't think my advice would be worth listening too. I just hope everything works out for u. 

That sounds worse than my situation. 
I don't mind your post - the whole point of this thread was to open up and share whereas I am not very 'sharing' person when it comes to emotions etc.

Thanks for kind words here guys. I appreciate those.

merlin

@BigBearKris and @steveb,

A good friend of mine told me recently (when I was going through a dark time) to remember that it's not a pit, it's a tunnel. 
Relationships can be tough, maybe you could try reading "Hold me Tight" by Dr Sue Johnson. If you can read it together (I don't mean the blokes, I mean each of you with your partners) it can really help. 

bodhi

Sorry to hear this @BigBearKris and @steveb, and I hope it leads to something better for all involved.

Lord knows life ain't for sissies sometimes, but we're all still here.  So we must be pretty badass.  Or so I tell myself.

rlw

Good luck .  Been there twice, it’s shit for a while but gets better.  Eventually, you meet the one who ticks all the boxes-even ones that don’t have boxes-and you live happily ever after.  And the sex is always very good too. 

FelineGuitars

I am quietly going through the aftermath of much the same with my partner of nearly 12 years.
Much sympathy for you guys.

Take time to find who you are outside of a relationship before thinking about dipping your toe back into one. 

That way the new person gets to see the real you and that will be a better starting point, than if you are still feeling like an orphaned half of a couple.

BigBearKris

FelineGuitars said:

I am quietly going through the aftermath of much the same with my partner of nearly 12 years.
Much sympathy for you guys.

Take time to find who you are outside of a relationship before thinking about dipping your toe back into one. 

That way the new person gets to see the real you and that will be a better starting point, than if you are still feeling like an orphaned half of a couple.

It is very true. Thanks for that.

boogieman

FelineGuitars said:

I am quietly going through the aftermath of much the same with my partner of nearly 12 years.
Much sympathy for you guys.

Take time to find who you are outside of a relationship before thinking about dipping your toe back into one. 

That way the new person gets to see the real you and that will be a better starting point, than if you are still feeling like an orphaned half of a couple.

Wis. Good advice here. Take time away from any relationship, rediscover yourself first, get yourself into a happier place first. There’s no time limit for finding someone anyway. I swore after being married and divorced twice that I wasn’t bothered about getting into another relationship but I met my wife and bingo, here I am married again and very happy. 

The hardest thing for me was losing contact with friends who you’ve known from when you were a couple. The ones who are really your mates will stick around of course but some will feel awkward and decide they can’t be friends with both sides. 

All the best to you guys that are going through this. Never easy when a partnership goes down the pan, but it can and often does get better.