End of relationship.

Winny_Pooh

I reckon you will be alright. Things are messy now but you will feel better about it in time.

mikeyrob73

Went through it all a few year ago, and the advise offered is right, its always darkest just before the dawn, things DO get better and time DOES heal.  I have a fantastic new partner and life is decent now but it took a wee while to find myself and get over what happened. 

"The hardest thing for me was losing contact with friends who you’ve known from when you were a couple. The ones who are really your mates will stick around of course but some will feel awkward and decide they can’t be friends with both sides." 

This is SO true as well, all our mutual friends fucked off due to the lies that were told at the breakup, which looking back now was the best thing as it made me realise they werent really my friends at all. 

Neill

@BigBearKris listen mate 34 is no age at all - I tried and failed, spectacularly, with a couple of serious relationships, one of which ended in a very unsavoury divorce, didn't meet the right person until I was 30.  We've been together now 32 years but I was in such despair after the divorce if someone had told me within a year I would meet the person I would spend the rest of my life with I would have laughed in their face.  Well no I wouldn't have laughed at anything back then but you know what I mean.

I also relate to what @mikeyrob73 says about friends, one positive thing about a relationship breakup is you do see people for what they really are.    

(Incidentally, considering blokes are not supposed to be much good at talking about "feelings" we seem to do pretty well on this forum.)

darthed1981

Hope things work out for you buddy

RandallFlagg

It's sad but you will bounce back. At 34 you've your whole life ahead of you, who knows what's just around the corner? Pardon me for being crude, but I strongly recommend taking the opportunity to go and shag a few before you get hitched up again. That's what I did at 29 and spent a year doing what I should have done in my late teens but was holed up in my bedroom learning guitar. It was great!

Wazmeister

Kris and Steve... sorry to hear this guys, but you know, you WILL love again and it'll be even better.

34 is still very young...

BigBearKris

Thanks for all The support guys.

boogieman said:

The hardest thing for me was losing contact with friends who you’ve known from when you were a couple. The ones who are really your mates will stick around of course but some will feel awkward and decide they can’t be friends with both sides. 

I am worried about that a bit as well - we have many mutual friends but I know most of them will end. 
Not that there are any sides to take but they will probably keep meeting whereas I'm not that sociable.
I've just texted my friend whom I was supposed to meet before Xmas, we usually see each other once a year as it's difficult to arrange. He's just told me that he and his missus parted ways few months back. And that he is moving bit closer to me. 
They have just got a baby last year.

:-(

quarky

Good luck! It seems like it could have been so much worse. A shame to see things fall apart so easily, but better now than later. When you feel down, think of how things will look a couple of years from now. Much better!

Grunfeld

Dare I say #metoo? 
Kris, Steve, and Jon have said it all I guess.
Just before Christmas for me.  No dramas. Just the ending of a massively important relationship for me.  It was on/off for 12 years but has finally finished.  Feels strange still.
Anyway.  @steveb -- that sucks and I'm sure it feels rubbish right now.  But when the dust eventually clears I wouldn't be surprised if you re-evaluate positively.  I hope it works out with your 2yr old.  
@BigBearKris -- just randomly, when my marriage ended in 2003  I was 39.   it prompted me to pick up my guitar again.  And that led to playing in bands properly for the first time.  Still doing it and still enjoying it.
@FelineGuitars -- definitely good advice up there.  I want to find where I left my bloody mojo these last few years before I jump into any relationships.  It's weird how I didn't notice it slipping away as this relationship got more problematic.  So when it was over I too was a bit, "Who the f*ck am I any more?"  I got a spark back this weekend as it happens:  just a shift in attitude and a rough plan for a few behavioural changes.  It feels like re-discovering a direction again after being stuck for a long time.

BigBearKris

Thanks man.
You stay strong brother!

57Deluxe

This is the time you will pen your best songs and poetry though... Your guitar will be with you throughout...

FelineGuitars

Stealing a trope about using from Addicts on a 12 step program (I'm reading Russell Brand's book on Recovery)

At first it was fun

Then it was fun with problems
Then it was just problems

prowla

I split up with my ex four or five years ago; we'd drifted apart, found our own friends and so-on.
She's re-married and I bear no ill-will (though her new hubby doesn't seem to like me for some reason!).
We did the divorce ourselves, shared the kids, never argued about anything, and it all went pretty smoothly.
For me the split was rejuvenating and I'm more content now, with nobody telling me what to do, making me guess as to why they're upset with me, playing games and so-on.
(I have bought a fair few guitars since then!!!)

mudslide73

It's very hard at the beginning but you've emerged with a lot less baggage than you could have had and you're still young. Just have a bit of time off.. once you're smiling again something will happen. 

Are you in a band??

BigBearKris

mudslide73 said:

It's very hard at the beginning but you've emerged with a lot less baggage than you could have had and you're still young. Just have a bit of time off.. once you're smiling again something will happen. 

Are you in a band??

Sadly no.
I used to but that ship has sailed I guess. 
I have a friend who plays, he doesn't gig anymore because of kids and busy family life but I was thinking  about starting a little side project to keep my mind occupied with something apart from work.

ESBlonde

Sorry to hear that Chris, part on good terms and try to stay friends at least don't become enemies. Open the new chapter and find YOU, then go forward.
Best wishes.

jellyroll

Wishing you guys going through break-ups all the best. I divorced at 32, married again at 39. Same story with friends taking sides.

gubble

Been there. At the time I was destroyed, abused and at one point homeless. Lots of guys on here were a massive support to me and even just a keyboard chat to some people stopped me from going down a very dark hole.

Kris - it will get better. And you're in Bournemouth which is a great place to keep you occupied whilst you find yourself again. I even found my new wife in the area.

Friends will take sides and you may be surprised as to who exactly takes yours.

Rara

I really don't like to offer any relationship advice, but I can offer you a lot of singledom advice - don't bother dating again, fill your time mucca. Saw you haven't really been playing guitar - get that shit going. One of the best things are being single is you have so much time to do whatever the hell you want. I've been single 18 months after being a serial monogamist for 11 years. Yes, 11 years and 3 guys and while it's sad knowing I'm 33 and I won't be getting married or doing anything anyone else my age is doing, bugger it, you need to enjoy life because it gets pretty awesome when you decide you want to get to know yourself again!

richardhomer

My advice is to not leave the dating thing too long.

After more than 10 years since separating I could no more go on a date than fly. The whole caper is well and truly over for me now. Not an outcome I’d recommend to anyone.....