Getting maudlin over empty nest syndrome

deano

So yesterday my eldest picked up her 6th form uniform. This time next year we'll be deciding on universities hopefully and in two years she'll be gone.

We'll still have my youngest at home but he will be starting his GCSE's when she goes and in 6 years he'll be gone as well.

It's fucking depressing thinking about it. I don't want to show them the upset; it's my burden not theirs, they should be excited and happy not guilty so I'm going to hide it, but sometimes I just get down thinking about it. Surely it's only three or four weeks since they started in Reception class, surely that's all it is! But it isn't, it's fucking years and they will soon start leaving.

This has kicked off because I was talking to my boss a bit ago and her little one started reception class yesterday (Scotland), and I mentioned how fast it went and it got me down.

There will be more guitar playing time I agree which will be okay but right now that seems poor compensation for losing my babies out of the family nest.

HippoPete

Don't get down about it, the way the job market and economy is they'll still be with you at 35!

Seriously, I know what you mean, my grown ups are still with us (for the reasons alluded to above) and rather than resenting it in any way (other than them seeming to have bottomless appetites for food and electricity), they continue to keep the household, young, dynamic and filled with laughter.

All the best,

Pete

xmrchi

I really really hope I see my 2 leaving just like you do, at the mo their 4 and 6, and the thought of having some time to myself seems like heaven!
It's lovely to see a perspective from your side I hope I feel the same!

boogieman

Before you know it they'll be churning out grandchildren and your house will be full of little ones again. Enjoy the peace while you can!

Plan for when they're gone: do the stuff you've never had time to do, become a couple again instead of just being Mum and Dad, have time together, take trips. Make the whole thing a positive experience instead of a depressing one.

Jalapeno

boogieman said:

Before you know it they'll be churning out grandchildren and your house will be full of little ones again. Enjoy the peace while you can!

Plan for when they're gone: do the stuff you've never had time to do, become a couple again instead of just being Mum and Dad, have time together, take trips. Make the whole thing a positive experience instead of a depressing one.

This x a brazillion !

Some of our friends are finding it really hard - they've stopped talking to each other except when in company. And even then it's a bit tense ....

breakstuff

My two boys are 15 and 12 and I feel the same way as you @deano .

They can be a complete pain in the arse sometimes but it will be horrible not having them around.

I often wonder what effect it will have on my marriage as you hear of quite a lot of middle aged couples divorcing when their kids move out because,unconsciously the only reason they've stay together is for the kids.My marriage is strong at the moment but such a huge change in dynamics has got to have some sort of effect.

Misterg

Our eldest starts uni this year and I know what you mean.

Time seemed to stretch on forever until he went to highschool, then it just seems to have been a continuous whirl and a blink of an eye and he's leaving home. Half of me hoped he wouldn't get in to uni so he would stay at home (that's a bad thing, isn't it?).

When we were doing the rounds of university open days last year, the prospect of just leaving him somewhere and driving off almost made me cry! However a year later, and with the stress of 'A' levels out of the way he's really looking forward to going, and I'm a little more reconciled to the prospect. I suspect the actual parting will still be quite traumatic, and the house will be very different without him, but it's all part of life. The other one is two years behind him, but is somehow more self assured and it already feels right that she will make her own way in due course.

That Roger Waters knew what he was writing about.

bobblehat

Last year was the first time both mine were away.My daughter started uni and my son was finishing his final year.

Apart from having our first holiday without the kids in 22 years nothing really changed. We had loads of plans to fill all the extra time but all the extra time just never happened.I think from around 14- 18 you gradually spend less and less time together anyway so all the extra time you think your going to get just doesn't really exist.

Before you know it they are back for Christmas , Birthdays, Half term etc so you only ever get about 2-3 months without them anyway.

I guess what I am trying to say is you won't miss them as much as you think.

Hope this makes sense .

holnrew

You still have 6 years! Plenty of time to knock the wife up.

ArchtopDave

I'm in this situation right at the moment. My daughter is off to Uni at the end of next week (Scottish Uni's start earlier than English ones). She was away for the whole of July helping on a wildlife project in South Africa,tr so I've had a bit of "practice" being completely on my own.

ArchtopDave

ArchtopDave;326750" said:

I'm in this situation right at the moment. My daughter is off to Uni at the end of next week (Scottish Uni's start earlier than English ones). She was away for the whole of July helping on a wildlife project in South Africa, so I've had a bit of "practice" being completely on my own.

</rd

Axe_meister

I can't wait until at least my Step Daughter is off, not because I don't want her in the house, but it finally means we can leave London and move else where (her dad pays for private school).

Myself and my wife never actually had any time together without kids, and as our kids have so many health issues, we've not been able to do all the things we've wanted. Can't wait.

Axe_meister

oh yes and cheap holidays out of season.

Misterg

Axe_meister said:

oh yes and cheap holidays out of season.

Yay!

musicegbdf

Know how you feel. My eldest left and moved in with her boyfriend a couple of months ago, my middle daughter is about to start her musical career which means she has to move to California and my youngest daughter goes to Uni next year. So in the space of about 18 months all of them will be gone and one daughter thousands of miles away
I keep thinking you have to let them go to get them to come back

ROOG

Congrats to you and yours, I found it tough with the second one, got easier during the second year, going back after Xmas always seemed to be the worst time. I'm Cool with the fact that she is staying in her uni city to work. She has changed so much in three years, life changing. I discovered that I'm a big softie and not as tough as I thought.

TTony

It means that you've done your parental job ... you've brought them up, prepared them as best you can, and sent them off into the big wide world.

It's the first step towards grandkids.

It means that you & Mrs deano get some "you" time again (which might take some getting used to, but is very worth the effort).

I speak as someone who's been through it, and survived.

deano

Thanks everyone for the responses. It is bloody hard this parenting lark.Big, tough strong dad my arse!

Cheers all.

jd0272

2yr old, 6yr old, 10yr old. I've got a while to go. Ah yearnings for yesteryear, Happy 16th Birthday son/daughter, there's the door............. Although I'm sure I'll somewhat gutted when the time comes.

Drew_TNBD

Ahh g'wan... have a little cry. You'll feel better.

jd0272

Drew_fx said:

Ahh g'wan... have a little cry. You'll feel better.

There's time for you yet matey, yer plenty young enough