Getting maudlin over empty nest syndrome

Drew_TNBD

I'm gonna head to Asda tomorrow and steal a baby from a trolley.

jd0272

Drew_fx said:

I'm gonna head to Asda tomorrow and steal a baby from a trolley.

We're in totally the wrong parts of the country for that to be productive for me......

You could always suggest the coil though, in light of recent posts? Gives ya 5 years 'grace'.... Just a thought. And in all seriousness, you've all the time in the world.

Sambostar

Deano. This kind of confirms what I was going to write about depressive realism.  The wind has died down and you are having a depressing reality moment.  You just have to make a new reality for yourself.  Change your values and drop your goals or make new fictional ones and change your world.  Or you could go out hunting wolves like Laim Neeson.  I wouldn't think about it too much, it's all good.  Just think you might get some grandkids out of it and relive your childhood over a third time, then you will die and be gone forever.

Roland

Sambostar said:

Deano. This kind of confirms what I was going to write about depressive realism.  The wind has died down and you are having a depressing reality moment.  You just have to make a new reality for yourself.  Change your values and drop your goals or make new fictional ones and change your world.  Or you could go out hunting wolves like Laim Neeson.  I wouldn't think about it too much, it's all good.  Just think you might get some grandkids out of it and relive your childhood over a third time, then you will die and be gone forever.

Well, that's the "glass half empty view". Another is that life has its ups and downs, and it's up to you how you look at your glass. 

It's natural to miss things that you've enjoyed. It's natural to realise with hindsight how much you enjoyed them, and wish that you'd recognised this at the time.  Some people have a crisis because they wished they'd played their cards differently. Some people accept where they are, and try to make the best of the cards they still have. As @boogieman says, the smart response is to seize the opportunities.

axisus

I'd be reasonably happy with that scenario personally. Son no 1 is 18, flunked school, flunked retakes year 1, year 2 don't know yet but he is scrapping finishing his main course and giving up year 3 of 6th form. Son 2 at 15 has zero social skills and just want to be online all the time. I'm happy for anyone who's kids appear to have a good solid direction in life!

richardhomer

My son is 12 - for reasons I've detailed before, he mainly lives with me.

I get very emotional about milestones in his life - his last day at primary school hit me like a train. I was really upset by it - I can't even explain why...

Since my ex-wife left us seven years ago, I've been on my own with him. I have had neither the time, or the inclination to seek another relationship.

Our job is to raise our children to the point of independence - I know when he leaves home it will be very difficult for me. But I will have done my job. As the words to one of my favourite songs say:

"I have walked a thousand miles and I have worked as fast as I can. And I have raised my precious child, to be a man".

ROOG

Drew_fx said:

Ahh g'wan... have a little cry. You'll feel better.

LOL, I did, but just the once.

deano

At least she won't have to take the sixth form uniform back... 7 A*'s in and 5 A's, so she can stop on to do A levels in Maths, Further Maths, Physics, Chemistry and English Literature. Light workload or what eh?

sweepy

We have 18 year old twins , a boy and a girl, daughter is off to Epsom Uni Sept 10th and son will be off to, hopefully Coventry Uni next Sept ( had to resit the year owing to 3 months off with Glandular Fever )

It'll be nice not to have to queue for the bathroom, wonder why we get through a toilet roll every day and actually have food in the house !!

We'll miss the little buggers, but a telescopic sight should improve the aim ! seriously though enjoy the peace and quiet, you'll still be sending them Red Cross Parcels and transferring money left right and centre, but you'll have control of the remote and just think of all the catching upi you can do with old chums etc .

Drew_TNBD

I never got red cross parcels or money left right and centre. You've spoiled your kids folks.

Hertz32

It never feels to me that my parents will mourn me leaving in the slightest. To quote my dad "You've driven a wedge between your mother and I that means I don't want to come home most nights" 
Frankly, I don't feel like I'll mourn me leaving either. I'm sure I will at least a bit though! And I'm CERTAIN I'll miss the financial support when I eventually leave. But I'd far rather live apart from my parents. Not certain that my family is at all typical though, and many people I know don't shut up about how they'll miss their friends/parents when they go to uni. 

I got 3A's 3B's 3C's and a D in my GCSE's and I'm studying RS, Biology and doing a Buisiness BTEC. Frankly, I really do wish I could drop school and get a more practical qualification, I'd love to be apprenticed to a custom guitar builder, or go to ICMP for example. But things don't always go exactly (Or at all) the way I want them to, and I'm left feeling massively lost 3 weeks into my courses seeing as I have no interest in any of them whatsoever, RS is most enjoyable but I don't see it being useful to me in the slightest. 

I'm not sure whats gonna happen to me in 1 or 2 years time if I'm honest. And I am bloody scared about that. 
So, however afraid you may be, or however much you miss your kids once they're gone. We're just as petrified and wish for the days of primary school just as much as you do

viz

Lovely sentiments here, what a wonderful thread . I hope they soar when they leave but I'm sure they will still appreciate your support, and not just money! How wonderful that they have reached that stage of their lives, congratulations. I'm on the train now and there's a 30-year-old-ish woman next to me on the phone to her dad, laughing and joking with him, she just said "Come on dad, when are you coming to see me? Oh goody! Oh Jamie says hello by the way". Seems to be a lovely, close relationship. Anyway I hope you guys settle into your new routines, I'm sure you will be fine. Now she's jabbering away at him all about some zipwire thing she's been doing and she just asked for some money for some trekking boots. It never ends

thomasross20

I can't relate as I never wanted kids. I'd be rejoicing at all the free time to learn more guitar!

thomasross20

holnrew said:

You still have 6 years! Plenty of time to knock the wife up.

An option... I'm 29 and have a 4 year old sister!!

EricTheWeary

Mine are 14 and 18. No great sign of either of them going anywhere, as they treat us like a maid service so not quite sure where any extra time is supposed to be coming from. And then what there is goes onto our elderly parents. When's the bit were I take up gardening, Warner weekends and antiquing? 8-}

holnrew

EricTheWeary said:

Mine are 14 and 18. No great sign of either of them going anywhere, as they treat us like a maid service so not quite sure where any extra time is supposed to be coming from. And then what there is goes onto our elderly parents. When's the bit were I take up gardening, Warner weekends and antiquing? 8-}

When you stop enabling them?

frankus

My youngest is 4 years old in 26 years time he'll have enough money to buy a house and then there'll only be me, the wife, 8 guitars and a big fook off fender twin, cornell romany and a pignose amp ...

Time flies so quickly when you're staring into the future not enjoying the little things 

EricTheWeary

holnrew said:

EricTheWeary said:

Mine are 14 and 18. No great sign of either of them going anywhere, as they treat us like a maid service so not quite sure where any extra time is supposed to be coming from. And then what there is goes onto our elderly parents. When's the bit were I take up gardening, Warner weekends and antiquing? 8-}

When you stop enabling them?

as my kids become more independent my mother and mother in law become less so, the gap created by one gets filled by the other. Still, by the time my sons have children of their own they'll have to start looking after me...

thomasross20

I'll have nobody to look after me and my partner is older, so I'll have a lonely old age... but with lots of expensive guitars and years of gigging under my belt, hopefully! Hopefully pay off a mortgage in 5 years and might get a second pro guitar soon. Oh yes! Lol.. When I get old I'll take all my money and live a life of sin until there's only the bus fare left to get to the nearest bridge!

Snap

I am in a similar situation to the OP.  hadn't really thought about it until recently. No doubt it will be quite a wrench, but you don't own your kids, and can't chain em to the house forever. It's a journey enough wathcing them change into young adults with opnions and information, in itself.

I imagine it will crease my wife up even more.

I remember the effect it had on my own mum, when we all eventually left. Quite a thing.

Life is for living though, not for moping in. I try to enjoy every bit of it, as it happens, rather than dreading what might or might not be. Could be dead this time next year, who knows?