Are you sitting down ? - I have something to tell you...

frankus

I thought this was going to be the story of how Joe Bonamassa got his name and became famous ... but this news is even more fantastical.

breakstuff

I shall hold back my wow until the job is finished.

I feel a necro thread coming on in somewhere around 2020.

ROOG

VimFuego said:

so, basically you've broken into someone's house who's having some laminate flooring laid, and taken photos of it.

Or a picture of the B&Q demo area

Phil_aka_Pip

FX_Munkee said:

monquixote said:

I think we are heading for a new Wow record. 

When we see pictures of Emp in a restored speedboat, the internet will collapse under the weight of Wows...

Do 1s weigh more than 0s?

mike_l

breakstuff said:

I shall hold back my wow until the job is finished.

I feel a necro thread coming on in somewhere around 2020.

Optimist

FX_Munkee

Phil_aka_Pip said:

FX_Munkee said:

monquixote said:

I think we are heading for a new Wow record. 

When we see pictures of Emp in a restored speedboat, the internet will collapse under the weight of Wows...

Do 1s weigh more than 0s?

If you only instanciate them when required, then, yes

chillidoggy

I think we should at least have some kind of photographic progress report. Or are we likely to see this featured on "DIY SOS" next year?

Emp, it's just not good form to post one photo, and bugger off!

imalone

boogieman said:

Yeah, all well and good but it ain't finished, is it?
#Not holding my breath.

Don't be too eager, I think the fretboard is officially closed once this is finished.

Emp_Fab

chillidoggy said:

I think we should at least have some kind of photographic progress report. Or are we likely to see this featured on "DIY SOS" next year?

Emp, it's just not good form to post one photo, and bugger off!

One photo ?  That's all I've done so far !  There is no more progress !

I slept until 12:40pm !!  (and I normally rise at 7 every day <badum-tish>).  I feel like I've been in the final fight scene from Gladiator - I've got aches and pains in muscles I never knew I had.  I've had breakfast followed by a long soak in the bath to limber me up for the penultimate ascent.  I'm having a cuppa first though.

Not that any of this resembles procrastination mind.

I definitely won't be physically able to press on ahead to the summit (following through to the living room).  That will have to wait until my old aching frame heals itself.  I'm not a young man anymore.  Seriously, this is hard going for me.  It's actually a bit depressing to have your hitherto unchallenged assumptions of your physical abilities (based on nothing more than what you used to be able to do) slapped about the chops by the reality of ageing.  That and being a fat bastard who doesn't exercise.

equalsql

Remember to buy a nice big rug to cover it with for when the winter comes in... or get yourself a set of big snug and warm slippers.. cos you'll need them. I've got oak boarded floors in much of the house... and they're great, easy to clean and look lovely, but by god they get cold when the season comes a chillin' 

Fretwired

Emp_Fab said:

chillidoggy said:

I think we should at least have some kind of photographic progress report. Or are we likely to see this featured on "DIY SOS" next year?

Emp, it's just not good form to post one photo, and bugger off!

One photo ?  That's all I've done so far !  There is no more progress !

So we have to wait another six months now do we ... :-)

frankus

frankus said:

I thought this was going to be the story of how Joe Bonamassa got his name and became famous ... but this news is even more fantastical.

His name used to be Joe Bonozerwanca, but he got asked to change it in exchange for money by a famous guy with lots of connections in the music business..

Noone was going to ask...

mike_l

Fretwired said:

Emp_Fab said:

Emp, it's just not good form to post one photo, and bugger off!

One photo ?  That's all I've done so far !  There is no more progress !

So we have to wait another six months now do we ... :-)

6 months, bit optimistic with Emp's history.

Emp_Fab

Fucking bastarding cnuting bastardy fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK BASTARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to find whoever invented laminate flooring and kill them.

They have to be stopped.  And I'm going to stop them.

This isn't flooring - it's cruel and unusual punishment.  I've managed TWO rows since I posted last.  TWO.

breakstuff

If you're stressed now Emp,wait till you get to the last row against the opposite wall or you get to a doorway.

Oh yeah I'll also mention that last time I laid some I tacked the edging on with panel pins and put the very last pin through a radiator pipe.Water everywhere,bank holiday weekend,not good.

Trust me,use No More Nails to fit edging.

chillidoggy

It's such a shame that Emp never set up a camera prior to starting this monumental task. One that only starts recording when triggered by motion, obviously.

jd0272

Well gentlemen, just be thankful the origin of this thread, nay LEGEND, was not a full property electrical re-wire.

I am absolutely bemused something can go wrong with two rows of laminate flooring. (Not really).

Emp_Fab

Well, if you really want to know the details, half the kitchen is tiled, the other half was carpeted but is now (almost) laminated.

Where the tiles met the carpet was a metal jointing strip.  I have to get the laminate underneath the jointing strip -but- not completely, as I need to allow an expansion gap.  This presented a problem in that I was laying the first plank and tucking it just under the lip of the jointing strip then trying to get the other two and a half planks to click in.  However - as the planks interlock by raising one at an angle, slotting it in then pushing it flat, you can only do that on one edge, and it makes sense for that to be the long edge.  I was locking in the second plank along the long edge, then tapping the plank up towards the first plank to get it to lock in along the short edge.  However, this was making the first plank move and slide too far under the jointing strip, thus removing my essential expansion gap.

I then hit on the idea of laying the first plank about an inch away from the jointing strip, then adding the other planks in the row, locking them all in on the long edge, then tapping the end of the last plank which would (in theory) close up the gaps between the ends of the planks and then push the first plank under the lip of the jointing strip.

This brilliant plan worked for one row.  The row after that decided to take its neighbouring row with it, which opened up gaps and required fixing etc etc.

Then I read the instructions and realised that you are supposed to lock the short edges of the planks together first, so you have one long plank, then lock it in along the long edge in a zip type motion.  Since reading the instructions, I've tripled my efficiency.

I'm still using the 'fit the row then knock it a couple of mm under the jointing strip lip' method and this works a treat if I get Mrs Fab to stand on the adjacent plank so it doesn't also drag that row with it.

Still - I'm learning as I go and have learned a valuable lesson....  read the instructions properly first !

Latest progress....

digitalscream

It does rather look like pooch is trying to tell you something. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it's entirely possible he knows more about this than you do, and has spotted the flaw in your plan...

Spider