Write an open letter of clarification to an artist of your choosing.

RocknRollDave

Dear Messers Geldof and Ure

Christmas is traditionally celebrated on or around January 7th in Ethiopia.

Just saying...
Dave

hungrymark

Dear Milkman,

Two pints of semi-skimmed please, and some cottage cheese.

Thanks, The Police

Hootsmon

hungrymark said:

Dear Milkman,

Two pints of semi-skimmed please, and some cottage cheese.

Thanks, The Police

if you are Sting you have more than enough CHEESE!

the milkman

HippoPete

Dear "Gary Glitter",

As a 13 year old lad, I most certainly did want to touch. But not you, Mr Gadd, not you.

Sincerely,

xSkarloey

Dear Level 42,

Might I suggest you start with "The Joy of Sex"? After that if you want to get a bit more technical try the Karma Sutra.

Yours,

Dr Alex Discomfort.

beed84

IanSavage said:

Dear Bono,

It's probably down the back of the sofa, check there.

Sincerely, etc etc etc,

Ian

Dear Ian,

Thank you for your letter.  As suggested, Bono checked down the back of his sofa but sadly had no luck.  He also looked down the back of The Edge's, Adam's and Larry's, also to no avail.  He did, however, stumble across a total of £198.75 in loose change, which he's going to put towards a new pair of sunglasses.  More importantly, thanks to your letter Bono has a resurgence of motivation to keep looking. As a token of gratitude, here's a copy of U2s latest album which you would normally have to download for free on iTunes.

Best wishes 

Bono's management team

axisus

Dear Mr Tillbrook

Glad to hear you are finally 'Up the junction'. Be sure to come and visit Centre Parcs again.

CP marketing team (in association with Mumsnet)

axisus

Dear Kevin Rowland

next time please use a condom, as Eileen was not best pleased.

Eileen's mum

axisus

Dear Meatloaf

Geoff Boycott accepts your challenge to Bat out of hell just as soon as he gets there

National Cricket Board

axisus

Dear Cheryl

Glad to hear that your black tongue has cleared up. As anticipated, the problem went once you stopped putting Cole in your mouth.

Dr Axisus

axisus

Dear Barry Gibb

Maurice and Robin politely request that you cease playing Stayin alive in your live set

Acme Clairvoyant services

axisus

Dear Centre Parcs

I need to cancel my reservation for next weekend. My girlfriend said she'd do anything for love but she won't do that.

Mr Meatloaf

axisus

Dear mr Shakin Stevens

Thank you for offering to be the face of the Parkinson's society, however we feel you have misunderstood the essence of this affliction.

the Parkinson's society

breakstuff

Dear Mr Page,

Are you available for a little chat?

Yours,The head of Operation Yewtree.

Hootsmon

Dear Mr Peter Green

give us your house

Jesus

mike_l

Dear Mr Hammett

I believe the Gibson Les Paul, previously owned by Mr Green, was wrongly delivered. I'm free to collect any day next week.

 

Yours sincerely

J. Bonamassa

Phil_aka_Pip

Dear Carole

Thanks for the kind invitation, but after a hard day at work, when the zeebs I work for have been too much for me to take, I just don't have the energy or the be-bothered-ness to climb up to the roof of your house.

Yours, Phil

hungrymark

Hey Carly,

Enough of the passive-aggression, was it about me?

Cheers, Mick

mike_l

Dear Miss Simon,

I'm overweight and half bald, I'm really not vain at all.

 

Thanks

 

Mike.

hungrymark

Dear Harry,

I've been talking to the band and we think you're holding us back. You've got a daytime job, you're doing alright, and it's like you don't give a shit about the scene. Not even sure if you even like trumpets any more.

Cheers etc