The Fatherhood thread

Drew_TNBD · October 2014

Thankyou for confirming that having children is a terrible idea.

Niallmo · October 2014

monquixote;377974" said:
EricTheWeary said:

Married to an elf visitor, my sister is a midwife, sister in law another elf visitor, they would be raising some eyebrows at some of this! At the end of the day they are there to offer advice ... and make sure they don't get the blame in some horrible child abuse case. The stages come and go quick enough and give you a life time of embarrassing stories about them. Looking at my nephew's daughter yesterday who is about 6 months, hard to believe my huge sons were ever that tiny. At the end of the day you can't get every thing right ( or even know what right is) just do the best you can.

Our midwives were brilliant and our health visitor essentially said "Are you going to hit your baby, leave it in the garden while you go to a party, or try and feed it crisps? OK well it weighs enough I'll see you in a year" I think they are kind of geared up for more deprived areas or very young, or thick parents. They were perfectly nice though.

My wife is a Biology Teacher. She has a Degree in Human Biology. She knows stuff, she actually questioned the midwives on a couple of occasions as they were actually misleading. I'm sure it's not intentional, and I'm all for Breastfeeding as the first and natural choice but it was very heavy handed. Overall they were really good so I guess the breastfeeding message came across in the wrong way. There was one of the five who were mainly on staff who was much more pragmatic about it and basically said "he your baby, only you get to decide". The hospital is in the middle of a...how shall I say...deprived and possibly educationally challenged area and I get that they have to appeal to the lowest common denominator but our health visitor experience was really good. Basically took one look at the house and had a quick chat and left. We regularly go to have him weighed, every two weeks if poss and they seem genuinly surprised to see us so often!

holnrew · October 2014

I'm envious of many of you! I really want to be a dad one day.

Be honest though, how many of you enjoy the bitty?

capo4th · October 2014

holnrew said:

I'm envious of many of you! I really want to be a dad one day.

Be honest though, how many of you enjoy the bitty?

time to lock this one up mods

hungrymark · October 2014

UnclePsychosis;377973" said:
My personal take on breast feeding is that evein if you think that the research that favours it isn't as conclusive as you'd like, there are so many other good reasons to do it that it should still be your first choice.

1. Its free2. No faffing around making up formula at 3am3. No need to sterillise bottles4. You burn something like 500 calories a day breastfeeding. Free weightloss!5. Mum now has the ability to excuse herself from any social situation she wants for as long as she wants. Family getting on her nerves at Christmas? "Sorry, got to go feed the baby..."6. No need to plan ahead when leaving the house---how long we going for? how many bottles, etc?7. Never run out of milk when baby is hungry8. Zero carbon footprint9. Momma keeps those baby boobs for longer

I'm really not having a go at bottle feeders---each baby and family is different and you really, genuinely, do have to do what works for you---but as far as I can see breast feeding will always be first choice

Combination feeding for us is great. Best of both worlds. Breast takes an hour and a half, bottle 30mins, so we'll go for the latter at four in the morning. He's happy with either.

monquixote · October 2014

Drew_fx said:

Thankyou for confirming that having children is a terrible idea.

You could probably find a thread of mountain climbers whinging about frostbite, but I doubt any of them would tell you climbing mountains was a terrible idea.

Nothing worth doing is easy. That said having a kid that you didn't want / weren't ready for must be hell.

Jetfire · October 2014

hungrymark;377857" said:
Our son (first) was born on the 1st October and I have to say it's not been anywhere near as hard as I thought it would be. He's a good sleeper and we're doing combo feeding, boobs in the day with a bottle in the night because it's quicker and means we can share it, with the other one getting some kip. We're still getting 6—7 hours sleep a night, which isn't a lot less than I'd normally get anyway. He doesn't seem like a crier so far either (only really when we change his nappy, and he shuts up when you put his clothes back on). I suppose the acid test for me will be when I go back to work on Thursday. I'm also very aware that he could change at any time but so far it's been pretty awesome. He's a good little boy.

The birth was a different story though - he got distressed, had a poo in the womb, wife needed an episiotomy and he wasn't breathing when he came out. I was in the resuscitation room with him, which was pretty fucking horrifying. I mean it could have been a lot worse but I've got nothing in my life to compare to seeing my newborn being artificially respirated.

I hate you so much right now.... lol

GazLion · October 2014

New dad here. Ours is 4 weeks on Tuesday. Its been an amazing ride so far, although it's obviously hard work! We've been lucky and the breastfeeding seems to be working fine at the moment.... Touch wood! I don't really have anything to add to this thread as it's all so new to me, but just wanted to say I've enjoyed reading how other folk are getting on so thanks for the posts.

Axe_meister · October 2014

Have a 16 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. We actually miss the early years.
One thing to check is eye contact. We were told the lack of eye contact was nothing to be worried about. It turns out he is autistic.
Not much you can do about it but early intervention at school would have been a great help.

frankus · October 2014

For wind I found a hand on the back while he rested against my body made gas expand and burps happen a lot less faff than burping and also he'd fall asleep while it happened.

As for midwives, look at ot this way you are the parents time to toughen up and realise sometimes there is no reassurance, and often no approval or even right answers. You're a good chap youll be an awesome Dad ☺

DesVegas · October 2014

Congratulations. We have a 2.5 year old daughter and another one on the way called Fenton. The strange thing is instinct is a wonderful thing, do what you feel is right.

He'll sure as hell let you know when you're doing it wrong.

Drew_TNBD · October 2014

DesVegas said:

called Fenton.

)

Evilmags · October 2014

The nice thing about having a kid in Spain was no health visitor, social worker or any of that shite. Funnily enough infant mortality and social issues are no higher than they are in the UK. Feeding, cleaning and taking do a doctor when I'll is hardly rocket science.

hungrymark · October 2014

We haven't been told that the social workers are coming. Is that only if you're Scottish?

Also, do you know that, although health visitors are offered by default, you don't have to use them if you don't want to?

DesVegas · October 2014

Drew_fx;378270" said:
DesVegas said:

called Fenton.

) ) ) ) )

: ) its a cracker!

monquixote · October 2014

We certainly didn't have any social workers.

If there isn't anything for them to worry about the health visitors only come a couple of times in the first couple of weeks and then come back in a year.

Fretwired · October 2014

@Jetfire congratulations ... mine have left home but I remember the first being born as the hospital was short of midwives so I have to help deliver him ... nappies, sleepless nights .... you'll get through it. The early years are great. Moody teenager mode is the worst .. :-)

axisus · October 2014

I remember the first 8-10 weeks being tough first time around. We both got very tired. As mrs A was breastfeeding I would get up any time of night to make her a cuppa, and also do my fair share of nappy changing. Numbers 2, 3 and 4 were all a lot easier having done it all before.

I remember coming home the first day, plonking the baby seat on the lounge floor and thinking "bloody hell! It's just us now!"

All seems a distant memory now as my youngest is 9 and oldest 18.

monquixote · October 2014

axisus said:

I remember the first 8-10 weeks being tough first time around. We both got very tired. As mrs A was breastfeeding I would get up any time of night to make her a cuppa, and also do my fair share of nappy changing. Numbers 2, 3 and 4 were all a lot easier having done it all before.

I remember coming home the first day, plonking the baby seat on the lounge floor and thinking "bloody hell! It's just us now!"

I remember thinking exactly the same thing.

The door swung shut behind us and I thought "Where's the instruction manual for this thing?"

I'm really glad so many people have said the second one is easier as I've no idea how I'm going to manage a newborn and a two year old at the same time, but I guess I'll find out first hand in a couple of weeks!

holnrew · October 2014

How old was everyone when they first had kids? I'm worried about being too old by the time I'm able to.

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