Best man?

Deadman

Who's done it? I've got about a month left to prepare and I'm starting to brick it a little bit.

Any tips?

jd0272

Short speech first and foremost, make sure you know who's who, know where yer supposed to be standing, try not to upset anyone, identify a discreet path to the bar for later so nobody notices when yer slaughtered. Remember where the toilets are.

richardhomer

Only drink after the speech....

Deadman

Short speech? Music to my ears and one the father of the bride is a big believer in. They're also having them very quickly before the meal, which I also like.

I probably would have had a cheeky short before but maybe not now, it's a good point. After that I'll be getting ratted mind.

boogieman

Say how pretty the bride is. Say you've been great mates for years and then take the piss out of the groom. Couple of smutty jokes, nothing too graphic though. Toast to the new Mr & Mrs X. Job done.

Deadman

boogieman said:

Say how pretty the bride is. Say you've been great mates for years and then take the piss out of the groom. Couple of smutty jokes, nothing too graphic though. Toast to the new Mr & Mrs X. Job done.

With that brief I probably wouldn't even need to write anything down. Would probably take no more than 5 minutes. Nice one.

chillidoggy

Been there, done it.

Dig up loads of embarrassing 'facts' and previous dubious scenarios about the groom for your speech. A few Photoshopped piccies help to bolster any stories. It matters not if none of it is remotely true, because no matter how much the bloke denies it, no-one else will believe him, and the more he denies it, the less he'll be believed. Trust me on this one!

FFS don't do the same for the bride. She might be the town bike, but it's not going to go down well. (No pun intended).

Have a few drinks but don't get trashed yet, because it's your job to make sure the groom gets off to his honeymoon in one piece.

Then get trashed.

dchwhite

I've done it before, & would agree that about five minutes is all you need, & that it's no sauce til post-speech.

I found it easier to plan what I was going to say, and typed up the speech - think it was about a side and a half of a4 - but I'm not the world's greatest public speaker, & that was what worked for me. I'd assume you'd need to at least have some notes to work from though

OTH - the couple I was best man for are no longer together unfortunately, so you may want to disregard what I have to say ...

Drew_TNBD

I solved this by not having friends!

SimonC

If you have to use a written speech, write each line or paragraph in a different couloured pen.

That way it's easy to see where you're up to rather than getting lost.

Leave the paper on the table infront of you while speaking, don't hold it up infront of you.

There is much wisdom in this book regardless of what you may think of Mitch Murray or Bob Monkhouse:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mitch-Murrays-One-liners-Weddings-Murray/dp/0572018967/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407663584&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=bob+monkhouse+%2B+wedding+speakers

Deadman

dchwhite said:

I've done it before, & would agree that about five minutes is all you need, & that it's no sauce til post-speech.

I found it easier to plan what I was going to say, and typed up the speech - think it was about a side and a half of a4 - but I'm not the world's greatest public speaker, & that was what worked for me. I'd assume you'd need to at least have some notes to work from though

OTH - the couple I was best man for are no longer together unfortunately, so you may want to disregard what I have to say ...

Side and a half of A4 sounds about right. In 72 point font yeah?

Deadman

Drew_fx said:

I solved this by not having friends!

I have lots of acquaintances but very few close mates. I reckon it's the first (and probably the last) time I'll ever be called upon.

Antique_Guitars

I did it but I didn't do anything other than organise a really quiet stag do. I didn't give a speech.

Deadman

SimonC said:

If you have to use a written speech, write each line or paragraph in a different couloured pen.

That way it's easy to see where you're up to rather than getting lost.

Leave the paper on the table infront of you while speaking, don't hold it up infront of you.

There is much wisdom in this book regardless of what you may think of Mitch Murray or Bob Monkhouse:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mitch-Murrays-One-liners-Weddings-Murray/dp/0572018967/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407663584&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=bob+monkhouse+%2B+wedding+speakers

Good tips, that'll help thanks.

I'm feeling better already with all this wisdom. Cheers everyone.

Edit: I've just ordered the book. £1.99 delivered from ebay. The first part of it sounds interesting and I think it'll help. Thanks again man.

dchwhite

Deadman said:

dchwhite said:

I've done it before, & would agree that about five minutes is all you need, & that it's no sauce til post-speech.

I found it easier to plan what I was going to say, and typed up the speech - think it was about a side and a half of a4 - but I'm not the world's greatest public speaker, & that was what worked for me. I'd assume you'd need to at least have some notes to work from though

OTH - the couple I was best man for are no longer together unfortunately, so you may want to disregard what I have to say ...

Side and a half of A4 sounds about right. In 72 point font yeah?

Lol. 11pt Arial fwiw. And even though no-one will see it but you, make sure you justify the text so you don't get annoyed at your shoddy typing technique whilst speaking

Deadman

Antique_Guitars said:

I did it but I didn't do anything other than organise a really quiet stag do. I didn't give a speech.

Lucky man!

digitalscream

One of my old school buddies was telling me last night about a really awkward best man speech moment. Everybody apparently turned up for the wedding breakfast, and red roses appeared to be on random seats around the room. He gave what has to be the worst speech in history - hitting all the wrong notes, and not remotely amusing or witty - and finished up with...

"In case you're wondering what all the roses mean - they're all the people who got to the bride before the groom did."

So...yeah. Don't do that.

Deadman

dchwhite said:

Deadman said:

dchwhite said:

I've done it before, & would agree that about five minutes is all you need, & that it's no sauce til post-speech.

I found it easier to plan what I was going to say, and typed up the speech - think it was about a side and a half of a4 - but I'm not the world's greatest public speaker, & that was what worked for me. I'd assume you'd need to at least have some notes to work from though

OTH - the couple I was best man for are no longer together unfortunately, so you may want to disregard what I have to say ...

Side and a half of A4 sounds about right. In 72 point font yeah?

Lol. 11pt Arial fwiw. And even though no-one will see it but you, make sure you justify the text so you don't get annoyed at your shoddy typing technique whilst speaking

Arial is the law. Thanks. I'll remember that.

Spider

Just do a PowerPoint job done ! 

monquixote

Don't under any circumstances mention something the groom has done that the bride doesn't know about. 

Seen it done and it's ugly.

boogieman

digitalscream said:

One of my old school buddies was telling me last night about a really awkward best man speech moment. Everybody apparently turned up for the wedding breakfast, and red roses appeared to be on random seats around the room. He gave what has to be the worst speech in history - hitting all the wrong notes, and not remotely amusing or witty - and finished up with...

"In case you're wondering what all the roses mean - they're all the people who got to the bride before the groom did."

So...yeah. Don't do that.

Ouch.  *insert facepalm here*