Best man?

boogieman

I'm actually having a Best Woman at my wedding. My wife-to-be gets on with her like a house on fire and we've been best friends for a very long time, so it made sense. I don't have many male friends, well none that I'd trust to be a best man anyway tbh. I'm hoping she's going to be gentle on me in her speech, gulp.

xSkarloey

I'd just keep it lighthearted, short and simple. Remember to thank all the right people, smile, and don't try too hard to get any belly laughs. 

People will love you for that and you'll enjoy it too. 

EricTheWeary

monquixote said:

Don't under any circumstances mention something the groom has done that the bride doesn't know about. 

Seen it done and it's ugly.

ha, yes, me too. Went down very badly. At mine I didn't have a best man and a speech was requested of me instead. Totally unprepared I mumbled about the cake for 2 minutes. If I ever get married again it will be speech free, no one is interested.

Emp_Fab

dchwhite

EricTheWeary said:

monquixote said:

Don't under any circumstances mention something the groom has done that the bride doesn't know about. 

Seen it done and it's ugly.

ha, yes, me too. Went down very badly. At mine I didn't have a best man and a speech was requested of me instead. Totally unprepared I mumbled about the cake for 2 minutes. If I ever get married again it will be speech free, no one is interested.

Now I think about it, I didn't have a best man either - I don't think I wanted to twist anyone's arm into making a speech when they might not have wanted to, but I can't honestly remember.

I think I gave the world's shortest 'speech' - thanked everyone for coming, and then announced that our third child would be turning up six months or so later, which I suppose at least gave everyone something to talk about for a bit

Hootsmon

10mg diazepam in the morning and 10 mg late afternoon with PLENTY of large vodkas in between

no one will be able tae forget your speech except you

good luck bro

boogieman

Emp_Fab;316685" said:

I couldn't watch the first one after 30 seconds, cringemaking. Poor fecker looks terrified.

EricTheWeary

My brothers asked each other, given that the oldest one got married 3 times he could have asked me at least once. although the weddings got smaller each time, had he made it to number 4 I think it would have just been an online application.

holnrew

I haven't done a best man speech, but I did one at my sister's wedding. I wasn't planning to but it kind of happened and people liked it more than the best man's speech which he had written in advance, which made me feel VERY guilty.

chillidoggy

Bet that boosted your self-confidence a bit, though.

joneve

I was bricking it before I did mine. I've known my best mate for nearly 30 years so I knew the majority of the people and felt the pressure to deliver a good speech. 10 minutes MAX, shorter if possible. Mention the bride and how good she looks, a quick embarrassing anecdote that involves the groom...then just a brief history of your relationship and the relationship of the happy couple. The good news for you is they are doing the speeches pre meal...if this hadn't happened at my mates wedding, I wouldn't have eaten as I was so nervous. Start writing it now, even just jotting down some ideas, otherwise you'll miss out loads if you leave it til the last minute. And you can read/time it before hand to see what you need to cut out/add in. And for the rest of the day, be charming as fuck, dance with the chief bridesmaid and both mothers once the music starts and don't lose the rings! Best of luck!

Iamnobody

Here's some freebies for you. Guaranteed to go down like a shit sandwich...

Open the speech by telling your audience that now your friend has done the right thing by his new wife she must do the same and ask all the other men to hand in the key to her door as she must give her husband exclusivity now. (You've given half the blokes there a key beforehand and they all come to the front and chuck them on the table).

Recall the morning after their first date when your friend gave her some carrots and hay for breakfast to see if she "ate like a rabbit as well".

Good luck!

Deadman

joneve;317002" said:

I was bricking it before I did mine. I've known my best mate for nearly 30 years so I knew the majority of the people and felt the pressure to deliver a good speech. 10 minutes MAX, shorter if possible. Mention the bride and how good she looks, a quick embarrassing anecdote that involves the groom...then just a brief history of your relationship and the relationship of the happy couple.



The good news for you is they are doing the speeches pre meal...if this hadn't happened at my mates wedding, I wouldn't have eaten as I was so nervous.



Start writing it now, even just jotting down some ideas, otherwise you'll miss out loads if you leave it til the last minute. And you can read/time it before hand to see what you need to cut out/add in.



And for the rest of the day, be charming as fuck, dance with the chief bridesmaid and both mothers once the music starts and don't lose the rings!



Best of luck!

I read that as 'Fuck the chief bridesmaid' at first glance :-O

Great advice from all of you. Cheers lads!

holnrew

chillidoggy said:

Bet that boosted your self-confidence a bit, though.

Yeah, wish I could get some of it back.

CabbageCat

If the speech is longer than 8 minutes it doesn't matter how good it is. Doing a short one isn't a cop-out - no-one really cares about it except the best man himself.

The best one I ever saw wasn't really even a speech, it was the karaoke version of a well-known song rewritten with amusing stuff about the groom. The guests sang it so the best man hardly had to do anything but unravel a big roll of paper with the lyrics on. I've never heard of anyone else doing this so it would probably come across as quite novel.

PolarityMan

dont do that shitty speech about there always being room for beer with the rocks and pebbles and whatnot is a vase. seen in multiple times, complete lack of originality. 

PolarityMan

And if you're ever vicaring for a wedding dont read Paul's letter to the Corintheans.

Deadman

CabbageCat;317173" said:

If the speech is longer than 8 minutes it doesn't matter how good it is. Doing a short one isn't a cop-out - no-one really cares about it except the best man himself.The best one I ever saw wasn't really even a speech, it was the karaoke version of a well-known song rewritten with amusing stuff about the groom. The guests sang it so the best man hardly had to do anything but unravel a big roll of paper with the lyrics on. I've never heard of anyone else doing this so it would probably come across as quite novel.

That's got legs. I could use my THR10 and mobile to play the tune.....hmmmmm..

mike_l

Deadman said:

I read that as 'Fuck the chief bridesmaid' at first glance :-O

That is the Best Man's job too....

Do not, and I have seen this, download 2 halfs of different speaches from t'inferweb, print them off, and literally read them out and try to make them sound good.

Especially if they're shit to start with...

Kebabkid

Done it 5 times.
A lot of what I'd suggest has been said but here goes anyway:
Know who's who and introduce yourself to the top table people ASAP
Don't embarrass the groom or be rude
but compliment him ( and the bride)
I think you thank the bridesmaids
If you can't do funny, keep it short
Make yourself known to key service people so they come to you instead of bothering the bride and groom
Make notes and rehearse it so it's natural
And.....have fun!