Smacking children

Phil_aka_Pip

Wolfetone said:

You do not strike/hit/assault the ones you love...

Correct. But you may use a disciplinary smack when necessary. See my post above for the distinction between 'smack' and hit/strike/assault.

SnoopLoggyLogg

Reason and politely explain the issue first. Last resort a smack.

People who can't control their children 

:x

Jez6345789

Off to mums net for all of you :-)

ICBM

When one of mine was about three she used to work herself up into tantrums so violent that it was almost impossible to restrain her and stop her hurting herself without also causing pain - she's always been very strong too - so finally she was told that if she didn't stop she would get a smack, and it was carried out - more to shock her out of it than anything. A total of three times or possibly four times I think. Just once, she didn't stop and was told she would get the same again but harder, and it had to be done, which did stop her. She never did it to that extreme again and could always be calmed down after that - and grew out of it eventually. I still don't feel good about doing it but it was the lesser evil, I think. I would only ever do it in that sort of extreme, never for normal discipline.

breakstuff

I'm pretty passive so both my kids know that if I raise my voice I mean business.So far it's been enough to solve most situations.My eldest boy whose fifteen is starting to find his rebellious side and tends to loose his sh*t from time to time as most teenagers do.The trick is not to raise to it,send him to his room and wait for him to calm down until he's ready to apologise.Worked every time so far.

RobDavies

I used to smack - albeit very infrequently.

Then one day, my youngest was winding me up and being a real nightmare.  I went to smack his bum and he moved and I caught the small of his back instead.

He absolutely screamed the place down and I thought I'd done him some real damage.  I remember REALLY panicking and saying to my missus that I'll go to the police now and get it sorted, going to prison if necessary (!) as long as he was ok.  

As it was, he was absolutely fine after a couple of minutes.   

I've never laid a finger on him since.  I find sanctions much easier to administer - removal of Playstation controllers usually does the trick.

jonnyburgo

I find that a small amount of smack can calm the most unruly of children

Is_ser_fluffehh

I can understand why people might use a small smack with the palm of their hand, however anything more than that I completely disagree with. Personally I would never smack a child, as I've seen first hand what it can do to them, and I don't think I'd have the balls to anyway.

I'm studying early years education at college, and we've recently started a unit on safeguarding. I understand that a child may be annoying and its easier to smack them and be done with it, however the possible effects on the child later in life are greater than just shutting them up for 10 minutes. Would you rather your child panic every time they saw a wooden spoon for the rest of their life? Ah no thank you

jonnyburgo

For me smacking didn't work as a deterrent. It just builds resentment (it did for me anyway) Parenting is difficult and requires a level headed approach, kids need boundaries and reasoning there is no doubt about that. It is also very important to apologise to a child if you fuck up (which we all do from time to time)

EricTheWeary

my kids are frightened to see me with a wooden spoon - as it means I'm cooking the tea and nobody wants that.... :-O


I have a short temper and my kids can no doubt describe shouty daddy to y'all ( recently rip plugs out the wall daddy... "> ) so a starting point of let's use minor physical force when I'm calm is not going to translate well to a day when I'm stressed out. So, despite my catalogue of faults, I don't smack children.

maidenfan

Fundamentally against smacking. Use of physical violence to prove a point?, It is abusive behaviour IMO. An earlier poster differentiated between the flat of ones hand and a fist, again, in my opinion there is no difference, it is still striking another human being. All this does is show that you are unwilling or unable to have a conversation, illustrate something verbally, or that the other human being has done something which warrants physical aggression.

(Our) children look to us to keep them safe, both physically and emotionally, so, how can we do this if we ourselves become an abusive object or figure in their mind?

Bucket

I got the occasional smack as a kid, but I can't say it ever fucked me up, much less made me hate or fear my parents. I love them both very much and I know that's reciprocated, and to be honest if I got a smack I usually knew it was because I'd been a little shit.

Would I do it to my own kids? I don't know... hopefully it'll be at least ten years before I have to think about that!

ICBM

maidenfan said:

Fundamentally against smacking. Use of physical violence to prove a point?, It is abusive behaviour IMO. An earlier poster differentiated between the flat of ones hand and a fist, again, in my opinion there is no difference, it is still striking another human being. All this does is show that you are unwilling or unable to have a conversation, illustrate something verbally, or that the other human being has done something which warrants physical aggression.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a three-year-old who is in a full-blown screaming, hyperventilating, throwing themself against things, kicking scratching and biting when restrained, tantrum?

Reason just doesn't work. A sharp physical shock can do.

And it's nothing whatever to do with abuse, aggression or physical violence to prove a point.

There is a huge difference between a flat hand used like that and a fist - not just a difference in scale, a complete difference in concept, and it's utterly ridiculous to equate the two.

In my opinion.

maidenfan

ICBM said:

maidenfan said:

Fundamentally against smacking. Use of physical violence to prove a point?, It is abusive behaviour IMO. An earlier poster differentiated between the flat of ones hand and a fist, again, in my opinion there is no difference, it is still striking another human being. All this does is show that you are unwilling or unable to have a conversation, illustrate something verbally, or that the other human being has done something which warrants physical aggression.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a three-year-old who is in a full-blown screaming, hyperventilating, throwing themself against things, kicking scratching and biting when restrained, tantrum?

Reason just doesn't work. A sharp physical shock can do.

ICBM said:

maidenfan said:

Fundamentally against smacking. Use of physical violence to prove a point?, It is abusive behaviour IMO. An earlier poster differentiated between the flat of ones hand and a fist, again, in my opinion there is no difference, it is still striking another human being. All this does is show that you are unwilling or unable to have a conversation, illustrate something verbally, or that the other human being has done something which warrants physical aggression.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a three-year-old who is in a full-blown screaming, hyperventilating, throwing themself against things, kicking scratching and biting when restrained, tantrum?

Reason just doesn't work. A sharp physical shock can do.

And it's nothing whatever to do with abuse, aggression or physical violence to prove a point.

There is a huge difference between a flat hand used like that and a fist - not just a difference in scale, a complete difference in concept, and it's utterly ridiculous to equate the two.

No, they are both still forms of assault.

In my opinion.

I do understand your point, however having spent 4 years working in child and adolescent psychiatry and two years working in local authority child social care, there are more effective ways of managing behaviour. Any 'acting out' behaviour is a communication, something that cannot be verbalised. This is something that the child / young person is not able to contain, it is the parent / caregivers role to safely contain this, both for them, the young person and others. Holding / physical restraint is necessary sometimes, use of time-out, all being done with us thinking and talking with them. An attempt to 'detoxify' the emotion and help them to understand or be able to start thinking about it.

musicegbdf

Interesting comments  actually think that physical restrain is more abusive than a simple slap. A simple slap if done correctly does not even cause pain. Holding and restraining takes much longer and could have more phycological damage in the long run.
In nature you will see adult animals "cuff" a naughty cub. It is a simple action that is used to instill the correct social behavour.

I often wonder if the increase in anti social behavour and lack of respect to others come from "not" giving the occasional smack. Again as others have said this is not about abuse of children which is a whole other world. I have three Adult daughters . I would say they have only had a total of three smacks between them growing up. My wife would shout at them , usually a stern look was enough from me.

TheCount

I use flicking as a deterrent, kids don't mind cos it's a bit of a game also and if they really are being shits, a quick flick on the back of the arm snaps them out of it usually. 

Recently, the treat of a flick seems to degenerate into a big flick off with all 3 of them running round trying to get each other and me.

May have to think of a new form of corporal punishment

VimFuego

where does locking in a small metal box and shutting down in a damp cellar for a few days rank in the acceptable/unacceptable axis?

TheCount

VimFuego said:

where does locking in a small metal box and shutting down in a damp cellar for a few days rank in the acceptable/unacceptable axis?

If you're an elderly Austrian gentleman it's quite acceptable

Phil_aka_Pip

VimFuego said:

where does locking in a small metal box and shutting down in a damp cellar for a few days rank in the acceptable/unacceptable axis?

Is it acceptable if the one being punished has a baseball to bounce off the wall?

Gru

musicegbdf;511776" said:

Interesting comments  actually think that physical restrain is more abusive than a simple slap. A simple slap if done correctly does not even cause pain. Holding and restraining takes much longer and could have more phycological damage in the long run.

.

I had the same thought, when a short quick smack or slap is applied (not necessarily hard) it is a quick shock tactic, where the result is 'oh, that hurt, I won't do that again'.

In the case if biting, I have heard parents say that they do the same to the child (not full-on obviously) but to show that it does hurt. It often stops it straight away.

Seeing a child restrained, as an example, just to take medicine and you see the fear and panic set in. Personally I can't see how that is any better that a quick slap or smack, and as above, it could actually be worse.