Friday humour

axisus

chillidoggy

Emp_Fab said:

I spotted this bilingual sign in my local Asda the other week !

How many did you buy?

Kittyfrisk

Barnezy

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Get off one's fucking lawn

Hootsmon

merlin

axisus

merlin

boogieman

Prince Charles was driving around his mother’s estate when he accidentally ran over her favourite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. 

He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. 

The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic. 

Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground.

He dug it up, polished it and immediately a Genie appeared. 

"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, " said the Genie" 

As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well, " said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog.

"Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me..?" the Prince asked. 

The Genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. 

"This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. 

Is there something else you would like..?"

The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos.

"I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana " said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo.

"But now I love this woman called Camilla" and he showed the genie the second photo. 

"You see Camilla isn’t beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana..?"

The Genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Hmmmm, let’s have another look at that dog"

guitargeek62

^ totally thought that was going the other way, with the punch line being something to do with the mangled dog and Princess Di’s unfortunate ending 

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

axisus

Laughed out loud at the Prince Charles joke!

Hootsmon

FarleyUK

Hootsmon said:

Get off one's fucking lawn

This years Mortal Kombat instalment is looking a bit..... 'different'.

pigface

Hootsmon said:

Get off one's fucking lawn

Just a thought ... the old dear is now 94 and I'd expect that a steel blade would be rather heavy, especially when lifted at arm's length. Can it be that there is a lightweight version for such occasions?

EricTheWeary

My kids were asking me about the different countries I’ve visited in my life and I explained that Switzerland was my favourite and so they asked why there. I said that I liked the mountains, the lovely chocolate and cheese, how everything seemed to be well run, the towns and cities clean and peaceful, the people were friendly and even the Swiss flag is a big plus. 

rawk100

https://i.imgur.com/X12sJdl.jpg