Friday humour

TheMarlin

merlin

crunchman said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Doesn't work.  Ford stopped making the Escort in 2000.

Also doesn't work because he's a sweaty nonce.

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

Lebarque

crunchman said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Doesn't work.  Ford stopped making the Escort in 2000.

Top class pedantry. I salute you.

Kittyfrisk

HAL9000

  Vladimir Putin visits a school in Moscow. After chatting to the class he asks if anyone has any questions for him.

Sasha puts up her hand. She says ‘I have two questions - why did Russia annex Crimea? And why are we invading Ukraine?

Before Vlad can reply the lunch bell rings and the class is dismissed so that the children can go off to eat.

When the class gets back after lunch another girl, Misha, puts her hand up. She says ‘I have four questions - why did Russia annex Crimea? Why are we invading Ukraine, Why did the lunch bell go off twenty minutes early? And where the fuck is Sasha?

TheOtherDennis

Too close to reality to get a lol, that one

Soupman

So,there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest, kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.
Anyway ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."
The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus!You're brown."

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package,
which is still yellow. He says to the Fairy Godmother "Wait a minute; my meat & two veg are still yellow."
To this the Fairy Godmother said, "I don't do willies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that.
The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest. He encounters the very same Fairy Godmother.
He implores her; "Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."

She being a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, "You're brown."
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple. He says, "What about my wedding tackle, they're still purple!
She says, "I don' t do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies, "Well that's just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?"

The Fairy Godmother answers; "That's easy, just follow the yellow prick toad...."

Barnezy

Quite apt for many on the forum! 

maltingsaudio

https://youtu.be/2JhUEKYEK7A

rogd

TheMarlin

rogd

viz

Lebarque said:

crunchman said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Doesn't work.  Ford stopped making the Escort in 2000.

Top class pedantry. I salute you.

That’s a Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty image taken in 2014, so still feasible.

Tannin

^ And that is championship class pedantry. Well played sir!

kaypeejay

And https://www.motors.co.uk/car-61968970/?i=2&m=sr
May not work cos of search

TheMarlin

DefaultM

When I worked at the cinema I made a coffee for a woman, asked if she'd like sugar and she said "yes, 14 please".
I laughed, but she said she was serious and her friend was giving me a look that said just do what she says, its not worth it. So I stirred 14 white sugar sachets in to her coffee whilst she thanked me and said it's just what she likes.

RandallFlagg

Srogd said:

I don't get it, perhaps if I knew who she was it would be funny?