Friday humour

equalsql

https://i.redd.it/2kgu0lgx3h591.jpg

proggy

I took my son out for his first pint yesterday.
Got him a pint of lager and he didn't like it, so I drank it.
So I got him a pint of cider and he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Then I got him a pint of ale and he didn't like it, so I drank it.
Tried him on a pint of Guinness and he didn't like it, so I drank it.
I ended up so fucking pissed I could hardly push the pram home.

Haych

I finally got to the front of the airport check-in line and the woman asked, "Window or aisle?" I said, "Window or you'll what?!"

Teetonetal

Haych said:

I finally got to the front of the airport check-in line and the woman asked, "Window or aisle?" I said, "Window or you'll what?!"

That was the first Joke I heard Jimmy Carr tell, years and years ago

bertie

Teetonetal said:

Haych said:

I finally got to the front of the airport check-in line and the woman asked, "Window or aisle?" I said, "Window or you'll what?!"

That was the first Joke I heard Jimmy Tarbuck  tell, years and years ago

FTFY  

Haych

Teetonetal said:

Haych said:

I finally got to the front of the airport check-in line and the woman asked, "Window or aisle?" I said, "Window or you'll what?!"

That was the first Joke I heard Jimmy Carr tell, years and years ago

If I’d know it was a Jimmy Carr joke I wouldn’t have bothered. Can’t stand the man!

axisus

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.

The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long". Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there”.

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandfather says again in a controlled voice,

"William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading is groceries and the boy into the car.

She says, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather."

"Thanks", says the grandfather, "but I am William, this little bastard's name is Kevin".

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

bertie

^^  Under Over Dunn^^ 

#Airplane1980

equalsql

TheMarlin said:

Brilliant that is.  

Kittyfrisk

bertie said:

^^  Under Over Dunn^^ 

#Airplane1980

Not even close 

bertie

Kittyfrisk said:

bertie said:

^^  Under Over Dunn^^ 

#Airplane1980

Not even close 

so Nielsen and those bastards nicked it ?   

Gandalph

axisus

bertie

axisus said:

  

proggy

Emitting a silent fart whilst opening a Dairylea Triangle will convince your dinner guests it's an expensive French cheese.

Brio

OKI that for the freaking win! 
Stop the internet. It's work is done.

Kittyfrisk

proggy said:

Emitting a silent fart whilst opening a Dairylea Triangle will convince your dinner guests it's an expensive French cheese.

Hence  'Who cut the cheese?'

proggy

Kittyfrisk said:

proggy said:

Emitting a silent fart whilst opening a Dairylea Triangle will convince your dinner guests it's an expensive French cheese.

Hence  'Who cut the cheese?'

Indeed.