Friday humour

monquixote

HAL9000 said:

drofluf said:

HAL9000 said:

The DPD man just delivered a load of bubble wrap I’d ordered. I asked him to pop it in the corner. It took the poor man nearly two hours.

I’ve always wondered how they pack bubble wrap to prevent it getting damaged in transit. 

I think they put it inside a Ming dynasty vase.

They put it in the thing aeroplane black boxes are made of.

Grunfeld

Sporky

Did you take an arrow to the knee? 

proggy

I took my girlfriend to the pub and the barman said, "Blimey, punching a bit above your weight there mate. Where did you find her?"

"I met her in Thailand" I replied. "We're getting married next month"

"You don't want to get married" he said "That's when the blowjobs stop"

"I don't mind that" I replied "I don't like giving them to her anyway"

bertie

axisus

mart said:

The other day I was playing jenga with a bunch of friends ... they were very patient.

Still scratching my head on this one ....

Snags

axisus said:

mart said:

The other day I was playing jenga with a bunch of friends ... they were very patient.

Still scratching my head on this one ....

Using the friends as the jenga bricks.

bertie

axisus said:

mart said:

The other day I was playing jenga with a bunch of friends ... they were very patient.

Still scratching my head on this one ....

akin to "two parrots sat on a perch"

mart

The other day I was playing cards with a couple of jokers. My shrink says my identity crisis is definitely getting worse.

Winny_Pooh

proggy

Not only can hippos swim faster than humans they can also outrun humans.

Which means, the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

swiller

WTB custom shop smellic strat. Ideally want a beef dripping matured finger board and fag ash and bourbon smellic body. Fried egg pickguard. and chipolata pickup covers and a streaky bacon neck also would be appealing.
Can swap for a kfc flavoured  Ac30 with rare bargain bucket speakers.
tia.

Kittyfrisk

swiller said:

WTB custom shop smellic strat. Ideally want a beef dripping matured finger board and fag ash and bourbon smellic body. Fried egg pickguard. and chipolata pickup covers and a streaky bacon neck also would be appealing.
Can swap for a kfc flavoured  Ac30 with rare bargain bucket speakers.
tia.

I'd meat you halfway, but I'm a vegetablefarian.

Winny_Pooh

bertie

axisus

axisus

relic245

axisus said:

Doesn't really work.

(Pedant alert)

We still don't know Steve's last name so the whole town is probably wondering who it might be, or more likely doesn't care.

Where it really falls down is that by dictating the ad she was basically saying "I'm paying for this with a stolen credit card" I cant see how any company would accept it.

bertie

relic245 said:

Doesn't really work.

(Pedant alert)

We still don't know Steve's last name so the whole town is probably wondering who it might be, or more likely doesn't care..

in a small town it would most definitely 

tone1

I was wondering who buys a paper nowadays (apart from my elderly parents) but looking at the finer detail, I see Mackay & Whitsunday life is a free publication that can be sourced at various local petrol stations and the like…..who knew?