Friday humour

DesVegas

crunchman said:

axisus said:

EricTheWeary said:

“Oi waiter, my soup is cold!”

”Sir, it’s gazpacho.”

”Oi Gazpacho, my soup is cold!” 

Am I the only one that thought of Rimmer?

No

Well then, no soup for you!

maltingsaudio

https://youtube.com/shorts/KnNlLzA3_rU?feature=share

rogd

axisus

A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors.

The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”

He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”

The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.

The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."

The American says, “That's nothing.”

He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return."

The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.

The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."

The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here."

The Seaman comes to attention and salutes.

The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again."

The Seaman looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”

The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage."

Winny_Pooh

HAL9000

All my relatives were police marksmen except for an uncle who was a terrorist. He died surrounded by his family.

(Milton Jones)

axisus

Is it just me, or is this an awkward combination of band name and album title?

rogd

goldtop

^ On the subject of ducks winning:

(Not sure if this site parses videos?)

https://i.imgur.com/DClCTv5.mp4

rogd

crunchman

rogd said:

Need to go to Africa.  There would be another 3 people on the bike as well.

goldtop

Winny_Pooh

Kittyfrisk

Devil#20

HAL9000

Gandalph said:

Too soon...

Haych

A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walked into a bar.

The bartender asked the rabbit, "What'll you have?"

The rabbit replied, "I don't know. I'm only here because of auto-correct!"

FarleyUK

How does a hamburger introduce his wife?

"Meat Patty"

crunchman

breakstuff