Friday humour

Gandalph

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, and proceeded to ask in a loving voice,

‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

He responded: 'I found the remote.'

Kittyfrisk

Listen up sheeple...!

bluecat

40 gypsies arrived at heavens gates.
St Peter said we've only got room for 12,so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in.
Five minutes later St Peter said to God,they've gone.
God says, what all of them!?
St Peter says, No ... The effing gates.

guitars4you

Barquentine

A guy is wandering around a museum and stops to look at the skeleton of a dinosaur. There's an attendant nearby and he asks him 'Do you have any idea how old this skeleton is?'. The attendant says 'It's 80 million years and 4 days old'. The guy says 'Amazing, how can you be so precise?' and the attendant replies 'Well, they told me it was 80 million years old when I started work here 4 days ago'.

RandallFlagg

My wife rang me earlier and said she just saw a fox on her way to work. I asked how she knew the fox was on it's way to work. She just hung up the phone.

guitars4you

Tannin

For those who missed it in the Trump thread, which has now gone to never-never-land in P&E. 

equalsql

rogd

sev112

RandallFlagg said:

My wife rang me earlier and said she just saw a fox on her way to work. I asked how she knew the fox was on its way to work. She just hung up the phone.

Vixen ?

Kittyfrisk

Had to be done...

Brio

Damn it, I love Brigitte  Macron.

cruxiform

Sporky

Kittyfrisk said:

Had to be done...

Where can I buy that suitcase? 

breakstuff

Sporky

Sporky said:

Kittyfrisk said:

Had to be done...

Where can I buy that suitcase? 

Dang it - I found it, but had forgotten what a tiny little man Sunak is.

https://tyrrellkatz.co.uk/bags/dinosaurs-wheelie-case.html

Cols

Philly_Q

^^  That Pennywise joke got my first genuine LOL for a while.

RandallFlagg

sev112 said:

RandallFlagg said:

My wife rang me earlier and said she just saw a fox on her way to work. I asked how she knew the fox was on its way to work. She just hung up the phone.

Vixen ?

No, her name's Jane