How do you deal with difficult, argumentative partners of your friends?

sinbaadi

Bygone_Tones said:
I wouldnt take it personally. Sounds like he just didnt want to be there and his wife dragged him along against his will. Some people cant just switch to being nice when they are in a bad mood. Maybe he is a decent guy when he is doing something he enjoys.

How decent you are is basically determined by your bad days.

Anyway, if it really bothered you, say something to him and see just how much of the attitude is a front.  

JezWynd

Could you just invite the woman next time? If he's such an arse she might be grateful of a weekend away from him.

Sambostar

When people are like that and it's not to do with work (I know a couple of people in insurance and sales that are a bit like that for the first two hours), then often they are feeding off the passive belittling energy that is flowing their way. 

I love people and bringing out the best in people, but as I said I've only ever acted like that when I was around particularly pompous and noxious and close minded feminist academics with tenure or a small group of racist Swiss people, but it wouldn't have mattered what I said or did in the situations, it occurred to me that I was basically there as a pet dog who should be happy to be thrown a biscuit every now and then.  I don't operate on that level and believe that everyone is on the level.  I usually walk away as soon as I can, but if I can't I get so drunk I end up urinating on the table.  If someone feels like that it reflects pretty badly on the rest of the people I think.

Despite your best efforts I wouldn't take it personally, all you can be is open hearted and receptive and try again without making judgement calls.

Although the hard truth might just be that he hates Australians?

JezWynd

Although the hard truth might just be that he hates Australians?

Also you don't drink which doesn't help and let's face it, you are extremely middle class.

It's all coming into focus

octatonic

Actually all 4 of us are Australian.

Sambostar

I'm only winding him up, he takes it as a compliment anyway.  Oct is probably one of the most sarcastic and dry humoured (No pun intended) fellas on here, I could only imagine what the other poor fella was thinking..

mart

octatonic said:

...
Our neighbour is a keeper.

That's good. It's always nice to have good neighbours that you'd never want to replace.

Sporky

JezWynd said:

Could you just invite the woman next time? If he's such an arse she might be grateful of a weekend away from him.

Are you proposing a threesome?

JezWynd

Sporky said:

JezWynd said:

Could you just invite the woman next time? If he's such an arse she might be grateful of a weekend away from him.

Are you proposing a threesome?

If you're game.

edit. 

Sambostar

octatonic said:

Actually all 4 of us are Australian.

And Therein lies your problem.

I can only conclude that either you are genuinely sociopathic and a massive intellectual bigot and worldly snob or more realistically, the guy was acting out of his work shell protocol and had something else on his plate and you are far too sensitive and nice.  Although it may have been splashings of both.  Life's complicated, but seriously no reasonable people act like that unless there are some issues going on.

And...if all 4 of you are Australian....then what exactly are you doing here?  Next time invite me, feed me 20 pints  and you'll all be best friends with a common enemy.

octatonic

Sambostar said:

octatonic said:

Actually all 4 of us are Australian.

And Therein lies your problem.

I can only conclude that either you are genuinely sociopathic and a massive intellectual bigot and worldly snob or more realistically, the guy was acting out of his work shell protocol and had something else on his plate and you are far too sensitive and nice.  Although it may have been splashings of both.  Life's complicated, but seriously no reasonable people act like that unless there are some issues going on.

And...if all 4 of you are Australian....then what exactly are you doing here?  Next time invite me, feed me 20 pints  and you'll all be best friends with a common enemy.

The only circumstances where you will be invited into my house is in the case of a post-nuclear apocalypse and you have a genuinely necessary skill or you could be considered as a food source.

Sambostar

What was his job BTW?

octatonic

Sambostar said:

What was his job BTW?

Groundskeeper Willie lookalike.

Skipped

Best bet is to just smile.
The woman will marvel at your patience and ability to be a gracious host.

p90fool

It's easy, have an affair with her. His behaviour suggests he's half expecting it anyway. 

jd0272

Been there. Give him a stiff drink, and utter, "'Get with the program [insert nsme], and cool yer fucking jets fella, you're spoiling it for [insert name]."

monquixote

I think it depends on if they are passive aggressive or aggressive aggressive.

jd0272

Or Oct's in charge (with Mrs Oct) of his own house? 

I'll welcome any soul any time. But they don't like it, there's the door. Life's too short really. 

EricTheWeary

Lost me at 'had some people stay over the weekend.' That sounds horrible and as it includes someone you don't really know even worse. Bad enough having my son's girlfriend here every other weekend like a poltergeist hanging around the place. Have some barriers on your social life, if you don't like him at least make spending time around him in short bursts. 

jd0272

EricTheWeary said:

Lost me at 'had some people stay over the weekend.' That sounds horrible and as it includes someone you don't really know even worse. Bad enough having my son's girlfriend here every other weekend like a poltergeist hanging around the place. Have some barriers on your social life, if you don't like him at least make spending time around him in short bursts. 

It's really good craic IF you ALL communicate/get on. If not, or one isn't prepared to make concessions, your right, total pain in the cock. Rather be playing guitar and drinking gin.